A long, deep struggle with God. I've always been a believer, but often a half-hearted one. Fortunately, I've been put through many economic issue to learn my dependency is not on myself, or other, or money, but Yahweh and him alone.
I quit my job, moved to Florida to support my wife. I had 50k in the bank, so I figured I'd be fine. We bought an old house that we always wanted. It passed inspection.
Then we found out that the chimney's had to be rebuilt. 18k gone. Found out later that the company that rebuilt the chimney's scammed us. They're solid, but not properly fixed. That was crushing. I prayed and found comfort in the fact that this was part of God's plan to say that my money will come and go, but I needed to trust in him.
Saved up money over the course of the next year. 150k in the bank. Thought that I'd be fine. I can finally focus on my software.
Turns out that a lot of my self-image was wrapped up in being the expert for others. I needed to be the Tech Lead. I needed to hear how great the solutions I made were. Now I'm alone in a small office everyday. Depression set in.
I didn't get much accomplished during that time. Drank more. Ate terribly (fast food twice a day for a year). Gained weight. Wouldn't pray much.
Then we found out that the house was missing a sill beam (true 8"x8" bean that held up 7 feet of the 40ft tall wall). I could't get anyone to help. So here I am with money, but that won't do anything since no one wants to take it.
After all this I finally decided to surrender. I cut back drinking. I'm trying to go Keto. I read to my wife from the Bible every night. I finally learned to internalize the song I've known since my youth, Through It All, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouJ8JOzdjrc