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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#161

Post by javier123454321 »

Trasmatta wrote: post #77

Sometimes I feel grief about the fact that I will almost certainly never have kids, but then I also feel immense relief that I don't have to navigate the extremely complex challenge of raising them in the modern world.

Here's something I accepted. I will mess up, but I'll focus on being a good person that leads by example. The rest is details. I don't know what your situation is, and I'm sorry if you are unable, but I would wish more people get to experience the absolute joy of parenting. It is an exercise of being selfless to the point that you are happy doing things that seem miserable to others for the only reason that there's someone else that benefits from that sacrifice. It's life changing in a great way.

P.S. usual caveats that it's ok if not every person has kids, There's lots of narcisists, etc. that probably shouldnt. However, I feel that in my circles (professional, well adjusted, big city people), the bias is against kids. That is a massive mistake.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#162

Post by ckz »

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

#1 is exactly what we're doing with ours. The little one understands cassettes and the concept of an audiobook or a Welles radio drama (sometimes MP3/CD, but I record custom cassettes too).

I have a millenium-era iMac set up as the family computer in anticipation of introductory computing when old enough (probably soon) and learning that digital entertainment is a state of mind and place you go to for a time, and then shut down and do something else. It's in the living room and off, so right now we're just building familiarity with it and exploring the keyboard, mouse, etc. and mimicking dad. Currently the little one -loves- the physical interaction of a typewriter and requests one more than a keyboard (but loose keyboards are fun too!).

The TV is a projector screen that recedes into the ceiling. Total screen time for them in the home right now over the past ~2.5y is probably...3 hours? Maybe?

My daily driver mobile is a black and white PDA and almost never a phone. I don't think my toddler has -ever- asked me for my phone and certainly wouldn't think to request, e.g. a video on it. Entertainment comes from our books, legos, and trains.

My theory is an accelerated progression through history. Mastering technology means understanding where it came from. It takes the shine off the modern rectangle of doom if you can place it in time and space and your first habits aren't built around it.

To @ozim's point, the issue is what has been normalized in broader society and so, yeah, we've clearly figured out touchscreens and plenty of local places for kids have unnecessary TVs. The concerns of other kids/parents introducing things to ours too early is mitigated by building a core [home]school and social group who shares enough common values. The differences between our respective households become learning opportunities for everyone.

What's fantastic is that I can go to the grocery store or sit in a restaurant for an hour and a half (and even better, two flights with a layover--with effort) with no tantrum from a toddler and no technology. Just...not even a thought that enters.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#163

Post by recursive »

webdood90 wrote: post #70
qwerpy wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner. I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squ…

Man, if you don't want to deal with the challenges of children, why have kids? I don't lie to myself, I know I couldn't do it and I didn't. Maybe you just don't get to go out for dinner or ride on planes until they don't need to be hypnotized with a screen? You know it's bad for them but you're putting your comforts and freedoms above theirs and everybody else's. I can't help but feel like the next generation has bee…

If you can't deal with the challenges of being on a plane where someone else's kids are screaming, maybe you just don't get to go on commercial flights. Just charter a jet.

Non-parents always have all the answers about how kids should be raised.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#164

Post by javier123454321 »

jryan49 wrote: post #143
francisofascii wrote: post #53

Delay, Deny, Defend Don't let them have a smart phone until high school. Do not allow unlimited use. Do not allow certain apps. No phones in room at night. Continually have to "defend" and argue about it.

How are they going to learn how to control themselves when you're not around though?

Just because you're strict in one area doesn't mean that you're completely mistrusting everything. You can (and should) still teach responsibility in the same way that generations have before social media.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#165

Post by INTPenis »

I don't think you can prevent it anymore than you can prevent the impact of advertising billboards, or the news.

Parents should lead by example. Easier said than done I know, but parents need to be the idols in their children's lives. Not influencers.

If a parent leads by example they will win in the long run because influencers are fake and shallow while you're real and always there for them.

Children who seek out other role models are children who didn't, or couldn't, look up to their parents. This has always been going on. Before social media we sought out role models in school or in the streets.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#166

Post by wvenable »

garrickvanburen wrote: post #142
giarc wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I'd say you have little to actually worry about as the landscape will be completely different in a decade. Could be a lot worse though. Imagine if VR/AR does take off and your social media feed is in your eyes 24/7 rather than just when you take out your phone.

VR/AR won't take off. It'll get better, if only in that our moral panic about it will evaporate as it did for comic books and video games. Kids prefer being IRL with other kids w/ or w/o screens.

> Kids prefer being IRL with other kids w/ or w/o screens.

Who are these kids you speak of?

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#167

Post by MrMcCall »

They have never had unmonitored access to the internet. Now that they're older, the 18yo daughter has an older iPhone she only uses for comms and directions.

They have also not ever had access to drugs, alcohol, or modern cinematic fiction, because that would have similarly negative effects on their development as compassionate human beings. They have also not hung out with children raised in this compassionless media landscape.

Remember, people, that your tech overlords don't give a sh_t about any of you, except insofar as they can make a buck off of you. They don't care one bit about your happiness or the misery their products cause; they only care that you can't prove that they caused those harms.

They don't care that their "bitcoin"s are burning up our already-overheating Earth. They don't care that their LLMs are consuming massive amounts of water and electricity. They have sold our children's future for a small price.

And they have the temerity to call us "woke" for waking up to the fact that our world is run by callous, unscrupulous scoundrels.

Compassion is the essense of humanity. Without it, we are just very talented animals perpetuating dumb pack warfare amongst packs and within our pack, often for a buck.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#168

Post by jpm_sd »

I have 3 daughters. This is kinda working for us, with ongoing negotiation.

- No phones before 8th grade

- Phones start out locked down (talk/text only)

- Enable select apps (e.g. Camera, Duolingo) with proven responsible behavior.

- No social media apps or accounts

- Youtube and similar are blocked at the router at home

- Computer (Chromebook) use is supervised, mostly

- No phones when you have a group of friends over. Yes I will confiscate them.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#169

Post by j7ake »

rahimnathwani wrote: post #92
scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

I find the overall approach fascinating, but I chuckled at this part because CDs are digital: "I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player." If anyone wants to start with analogue, perhaps start with vinyl, then cassette tape, and then CD. I had a cassette player before a record player, but vinyl seems easier to grok because you can use a steel needle to…

I , of course, allow them to only sing music with their voices. Later we introduce percussive instruments, violin, and harpsichord.

By 18 they will be introduced to the piano forte.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#170

Post by aczerepinski »

asoneth wrote: post #129
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

> everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have You can start the conversation with other parents at kindergarten pickup. Each grade at our school has a pledge that kids & parents can sign to wait until eighth grade to let them have a smartphone. This can be as simple as a shared spreadsheet or a dedicated site like https://www.waituntil8th.org My kids are still young but from what I…

All of my kid’s sixth grade friends have smartphones. No exceptions. If I excluded those families my kid wouldn’t be allowed to have friends. Best I can do is take the other kids phones away after a certain number of screen hours at my house.

Limiting screen time is an exceptionally challenging task because of the many loopholes and bugs in parental controls, and my lack of direct control over the chromebooks the schools issue.

Do you really think you can predict your kids future friends correctly and lobby the correct set of parents during kindergarten years?

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