Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

Thanks for sharing.

I don't doubt that it worked for you, but I wonder whether this is a good approach.

You say you never had limits on anything. Say one of your kids tells you he wants to trying heroin a bit. Would you let him?

Now, obviously mobile phones aren't as addictive as heroin and the consequences of failing to control yourself aren't as bad either, but they're still extremely addictive. They're addictive enough that _most people_ struggle to control their impulse to take their phone out every time there's even 10 seconds of downtime. I was at a playground a couple of days ago, and literally every parent there other than me was scrolling their phone while their kids where playing.

> Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world

Another observation is that you seem to be responding to the question of "how do you deal with your kids being exposed to nasty stuff out there", where the question is really about addiction.

So let me ask you explicitly: When there's a bit of downtime, do your kids reach for the phone? Follow up question: how many hours a day do you estimate they spend staring at their phone?

I'm skeptical that your approach is a good one because these days people who aren't addicted to mindlessly scrolling their phone are the exception rather than the rule.

EDIT: To add some more...

A great example of a victim is my girlfriend. Her parents also didn't prohibit much from her. They've had many "talks" with her too about how there's good things and bad things in the world. But guess what, phones didn't exist when she was a kid so her parents didn't tell her to be careful with phones. She slowly started using more and more. Nowadays she spends 2-3 hours a day in between dinner and bed scrolling her phone. When I point this out to her she says "I'm tired, I just wanna relax". I have the firm conviction that telling a child "this is dangerous stuff, you'll get addicted, do NOT play on this" will reduce the probability of this happening later in life, because you might "catch yourself" using too much earlier in the process.

If they are saying never pose limits at any age, I vehemently disagree. 0 - 3 are formative years of child development. In that time, the brain grows to 8% of its adult mass and 90% by 5. What happens during this time has outsized effects on a child for the rest of their lives.

By letting a baby/toddler have unrestricted access to screens, you are helping to wire neuronic paths in their brain to need that dopamine hit.

Perhaps there will be a time that I can trust my child to not overdose on screens, but now is definitely not the time.

Zooming out, I think there are fundamental parenting philosophy differences between me and the commenter. I believe the parent should take a very active role in shaping the character and habits of a child. This means restricting things I think are bad for them, discipline when they do wrong and this is the most important, convincing them without a doubt they you love them more than anything in the world. In this way, you give the child a solid core of security and confidence and shape their habits.

To me, the commenter seems to be advocating for letting the child make all the decisions or at least significant ones like screen time. I'm for letting children make increasingly important, age appropriate decisions as they mature and are ready. But when they are under my house, they need to understand two things, that I love them fiercely and I'm their authority figure.

First the parents should stop being Internet or device addicts themselves. Without that nothing works long-term.

Work from home made the situation worse as children see how parents spent at least 8 hours in front of computers.

Genius! Was this an original idea or adapted from elsewhere? Any plans to automate the ¢ to minute ratio when your 9yo begins to establish quarter wealth?

Eh, like many things in life, it’s not that simple, but the reality of it is that YouTube plays a role within a clear framework intended to bring wider sense of balance their life (BSA scouts, sports, literature I choose every now and then, etc). I wouldn’t quite phrase YouTube as being straight up detrimental to their well-being, it’s more that I personally don’t enjoy the baggage that comes with the benefits. So like Natty Lite, 1-2 are probably fine (even if in poor taste) but beyond that it’s a problem.