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Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#161
Rob Walling coined the "Stair Step Approach" as a way to get yourself into startups in a lower risk way:

https://robwalling.com/2015/03/26/the-stair-step-method-of-b...

He has also talked about it on his "Startups for the Rest of Us" podcast:

https://www.startupsfortherestofus.com/episodes/episode-222-...

Might be worth trying Rob's approach before leaving your job and betting the farm on a startup idea...

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are we even allowed to do side projects? What if our employer claims ownership or even conflicts of interest with what we are building? How will i even present it into hn or producthunt with my name and all my credentials while i am still working somewhere else? Any employer would fire us on the spot if they found out, wouldn’t they?

unless you have registered your invention with the employer during the hiring process, it belongs to them

Not true. If your project does not compete with your employer, you do not use their resources, and you do not build it on their time, it is yours. This it the case in California. That doesn't work well at a FAANG because they have their hand in so many pots it is easy to compete with them. Anywhere else, just work on something not related to your work. I'm in security and build in AI.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#163
Do it on the side, focus on finding a burning problem/serious pull from the market. Once you have it, raise money (at least enough that you can pay yourself comfortably), then go full time. Starting a company in your 30s has many benefits, primarily that you’re much more experienced and skilled than your 20s, but you still have the energy to push hard. Good luck

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#164
My optimistic take as someone with zero experience in parenting, but lots of experience failing give myself breathing room and who is 30, is that you don't. I'm personally not that satisfied with my day to day work, but don't have any dependents or a mortgage or really any possessions or much responsibility, but I have hobbies and things I enjoy doing. A startup would probably grind me down and take away the bit of sustainable breathing room I need to be happy in other areas, all for what is probably a gamble.

The optimistic part is that you could theoretically work up to doing this when your kids are a bit older. Not necessarily full adults, but maybe.

For me personally I'd reduce the choice to "Would I rather have a good relationship with my family and self or sit in front of a computer even more, to possibly compromise everyone's well-being or come out with more money?" and that choice would be obvious.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#165
post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You signed up for a bunch of responsibilities. You are always going to be your kids parent. You are only going to have this one opportunity to get this marriage and this family right. I think this is a bit of a depressing take. Even committed parents and spouses take alone time for themselves and have hobbies. Just treat your side project as your hobby and you can still have a healthy family. Also, think about how…

> Even committed parents and spouses take alone time for themselves and have hobbies. The parents I know with kids younger than 7 have no time for themselves or their hobbies. They're lucky if they can scrape together a few hours a week for basic self-care. In the mornings the kids demand full attention and after the kids go to bed there's maybe time for a single TV show which one person falls asleep during. > how ca…

I’m a parent and I know a lot of parents. The amount of time available for self-care and hobbies varies dramatically, based on type of job, whether you work remotely, whether both parents work, whether you have childcare, number and temperament of children, etc. Some can pull off a side business, some can’t.

And even if you can, you very likely won’t get five hours of productive time in every morning. But you can get one or two on most days, and that might be enough to build something that’s making enough to take a leap and go full-time. If you’re lucky. It’s hard, but not impossible.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#166
post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

Agreed 100%. When people ask me what the best time is to work on a startup, it's always when you have no dependents, living with parents, and perhaps no significant other. It's quite amazing just how much you can skim down your expenses at that point in life. Minimizing expenses, maximizing runway. The rest is luck. Just blind luck.

Alternatively, maybe your dad owns an emerald mine? Always an option!

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#167
post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

Only problem is when you are 50s you are likely to have the time and money but not the energy. Surely it is not the case with everyone but enough to have this cliche pass around for quite some time.

> you are 50s you are likely to have the time and money but not the energy

who do you think initiated these "startup" patterns post-2000 ? It was boomer+ investors using vast investment pool money, in the last 20 years.. now they are dying off and it is on auto-play via "don't get creative" money builders.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#168

i am the owner of a bootstrapped and now 30+ person company, with three kids at home. it took something like 7 years of 10-12 hour days to get our business off the ground, with many many many 7 day work weeks. now post-startup, i barely have time to keep things going at the level required to maintain excellence, while not neglecting my young family. lots of push/pull around work, and lots of arguments and frustration…

what do you do and how you have found your niche?
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