Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#161

Post by IvanaSays » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:29 PM UTC

seanicus wrote: post #124

When in hospital bring EVERYthing you'd bring on a trip + more. Due to lockdowns I was unable to get an Advil without being admitted to the hospital - which would separate me from the maternity ward. Refillable water bottle above all else. The first 6-15 months are truly hell. Doctors call the first 3 months 'the third trimester,' which is apt because that baby could not be more livid about being pulled out of the wo…

HA HA HA, this: "because that baby could not be more livid about being pulled out of the womb." Awesome

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#162

Post by wingtw » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:29 PM UTC

wittjeff wrote: post #12

Anxiety, anger, and pain share some circuitry in the brain. If you're feeling like you're going to have a short-fuse (easily angered) day with your kid, pop one ibuprofen. I found it helped replenish the zen/chill reserves immensely when I really needed it. But watch your total consumption of all pain killers; they do cumulative damage to your liver.

Woah, great thinking. Will try that with the next kid (soon).

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#163

Post by drzel » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:29 PM UTC

When your toddler wants something, think very hard before you say no. If any amount of screaming, crying, moaning, is going to change your mind, then just save yourself the hassle and say yes. Meanwhile, your toddler will learn that when you do say no, a tantrum won't change it.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#164

Post by wingtw » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:30 PM UTC

fps_doug wrote: post #56

wittjeff wrote: post #12

Anxiety, anger, and pain share some circuitry in the brain. If you're feeling like you're going to have a short-fuse (easily angered) day with your kid, pop one ibuprofen. I found it helped replenish the zen/chill reserves immensely when I really needed it. But watch your total consumption of all pain killers; they do cumulative damage to your liver.

Even if you're somewhere in the middle, don't let the baby crying stress you out. It's obviously some sort of instinct that your crying child triggers, but really, they're not gonna die if you let them cry for a few more minutes. With my first child, whenever she cried, I got really stressed out and tried to figure out and then accommodate her as quickly as possible, as if every second counts. Take your time, especia…

And take turns!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#165

Post by IvanaSays » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:30 PM UTC

kaybe wrote: post #67

lewisjoe wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I regret not asking for a c-section explicitly. Coming from a traditional south-indian background I hesitated electing a c-section beforehand, trusting the doctor will take the best decisions based on the situation. I was wrong. The doctor pushed it too far and my baby had to be NICU-ed for a couple of days and even worse, I still have PTSD witnessing the trauma my spouse had to go through. I should have simply liste…

What did your spouse want? Was she out of commission? If you're not the one giving birth and not the responsible doctor it's not your call to make, is it?

Thank you. Seriously I could not believe that was written by a man.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#166

Post by JauntTrooper » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:31 PM UTC

Breastfeeding doesn't necessarily happen automatically. It can take practice, time and effort for the mother and baby to learn how to do it. It is easy for the mother to get really frustrated, especially after surgery when she's in pain and sleep deprived. Do what you can to support her while she's figuring it out.

Breastfeeding is healthier and absolutely worth it, but don't be ashamed if you need to resort to a little formula sometimes. There's a weird, toxic culture that's grown in recent years where women are shamed if they formula feed, even if it's just as a supplement.

We've given birth at hospitals in 3 difference states, and in each one there was an uncomfortable tension between the lactation consultants and the doctors/nurses, who would often given conflicting advice. It took a couple of weeks for our first baby to learn how to nurse because he was in the NICU, so he had formula. The other two picked it up quickly, but we still supplemented with a little formula in the hospital the first couple of days because they lost too much weight (10%+) and were dehydrated.

Most of the lactation consultants we encountered were often scoldy, pushy and dismissive, and would treat my wife as a failure for allowing her kid to drink formula (even when the doctor strongly recommended it). It was really weird.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#167

Post by denton-scratch » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:33 PM UTC

One more:

Get the kid underwater as soon as you can. Newborns are used to being immersed; they instinctively know to hold their breath. Don't leave it until they are used to being landlubbers. And don't do that old macho thing - throwing them in the deep-end and letting them struggle. That's just mean.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#168

Post by DocFeind » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:34 PM UTC

Moments Missed are Never Equalized by Dollars Made.. The time making moments and memories will be all that matters after, and after they cannot be brought or bought back. ... Just my 2cents, as a Dad & Grampa who was guilty of overworking for years, always focused on the future, missing all the now I can never go back to. Spend your time wisely.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#169

Post by swader999 » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:34 PM UTC

georgeburdell wrote: post #142

swader999 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My career took off with kids. Something to do with purpose and motivation I think.

What kind of job do you have?

Software dev

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#170

Post by jemfinch » Mon, Jul 04, 2022, 4:34 PM UTC

sparrish wrote: post #114

Freak_NL wrote: post #60

Not mentioned here yet, as this should be a no-brainer to most people, but if you're American and it's a boy: don't start his life by cutting of a perfectly good piece of penis (i.e., circumcision). That's his call, optionally (but probably not, rare medical conditions excepted) later in life. Don't do it just because the cornflakes guy said so. If you're going to do that anyway because of religion you won't be convi…

To offer the not-so-rare medical condition story, my wife and I were house-parents at a children's home and one of the 10-year old boys was having recurring infections because of poor hygiene habits. After the second time in the hospital to deal with it, the Dr. decided circumcision was the best course forward. The pain and discomfort that poor boy went through as he recovered is something I'd never wish on anyone. I…

Speaking as a parent of three boys, one of whom had to be circumcised in second grade or so due to a phimosis, I still feel completely comfortable with my decision not to circumcise my boys as infants. He experienced discomfort for a week or so. It was nothing extreme. He'll suffer far more when he breaks his first bone, but I'm not preemptively amputating any of his appendages to spare him that pain.