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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#161

Post by CalRobert »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

The only solution to this is leaving.

Also, remember that HR is there to protect the company, not you.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#162

Post by satokema »

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines.

I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer.

I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like.

I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them. I have no interest in turning off that part of my brain so I can fit into the sportsfan stereotype or netflix-watcher or chronic-substance-abuser or extremely-self-improving-gogetter.

Work is okay most of the time, as long as it's about work. The environment is pretty lack and understanding. Having a non-work conversation is sometimes impossible because there's barely overlap, depending on the person.

Basically, it's just existential dread. That I have nothing to look forward to but more of the same of this, and the few people I have contact with disappear in one way or the other. Sometimes I ask, why bother?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#163

Post by alex_hitchins »

CalRobert wrote: post #156
klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

In my 20's I would have told you the truth. Now I would lie to you, because I've worked in places that used this sort of thing against their employees. If it's a 1 or 2 I will assume you want to push it to 3 as well. It's not great, of course, but there is huge potential downside to being honest.

Exactly. HR is never your friend. Join a union if you want peer support. Actually, just join a union.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#164

Post by UncleMeat »

JaumeGreen wrote: post #40
klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

What if the stress is mostly from outside the job? Some of it could be "solvable" (better pay, better hours, ...), but some of it may not (family problems, health issues, ...). Is it taken into account or addressed?

Engineering manager here.

Solving stress out of work is not reasonable. But knowing about it and being flexible is. One key reason to understand this is that many people recommend vacations to people who are stressed. If stress is coming from outside then this has a negative effect and work may be an escape from whatever other issues.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#165

Post by seamyb88 »

mapcars wrote: post #102
hazeii wrote: post #65

How did we even end up here? As a greybeard, messing with computers has always been fun for me. Yet somehow, slowly the system has morphed it into a way to grind talented people into the ground with impossible deadlines and insane demands - to the point where we need websites like this.

The system can not grind talented people unless they agree to be grinded. At least in democratic countries.

Democratic countries which elect the billionaire star of the apprentice known for firing people as a form of entertainment. Plug your brain in.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#166

Post by doctorRetro »

bpchaps wrote: post #32
quantumwoke wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you say that? I think there's a lot of things that are really great about tech industry and there's some things that aren't so great. What's been your experience?

This field fucking sucks. I'm tired of being on call 24/7/365. I'm tired of having to explain why plaintext passwords are bad. I'm tired of being taken advantage of for being a generalist. I'm tired of ex-google asshole bosses with massive egos. I'm tired of carrying a laptop with me "just in case". I'm tired of the constantly shifting "popular" technologies. I'm tired of spending weekends indoors studying for work,…

It sounds like your job sucks more than your field. And I'm not saying that to discredit your point of view. I know. I've been there. My last job was pretty bad and it left me wondering whether I hated the job, or the field. I ended up at a far better job in the same field (not without it's drawbacks, of course) and it turned out to definitely be the job all along.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#167

Post by sodafountan »

mapcars wrote: post #102
hazeii wrote: post #65

How did we even end up here? As a greybeard, messing with computers has always been fun for me. Yet somehow, slowly the system has morphed it into a way to grind talented people into the ground with impossible deadlines and insane demands - to the point where we need websites like this.

The system can not grind talented people unless they agree to be grinded. At least in democratic countries.

So naive, I hope you keep that spirit with you as long as you can! The 9-5 grind sucks A LOT of people up and if you can escape it, more power to you.

But take one look at the traffic jams in LA and you'll see a much different story. All of those people had dreams, I'm sure a good amount of them never predicted they'd be stuck in a job they hate but there they are, wasting their lives away in a car that's sitting there polluting the environment on their way to a job that they hate.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#168

Post by loftyal »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

Dude wtf, fuck that shit. I'd rather be unemployed than putting up with that shit

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#169

Post by CalRobert »

All day long I try to get work done while 90% of my brain is filled with abject terror at accelerating, unstoppable climate breakdown, ensuing global war, and the possibility that I will witness or be part of the deaths of billions of humans. And that it will be worse for my kid.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#170

Post by DoofusOfDeath »

TamDenholm wrote: post #16

Right now no, the last couple weeks is where everything in my life is going down the shitter. I'm trying to just get on with it cuz my stoic nature just tells me I'll get through it eventually. I'm in substantial debt for me but at the rate in which I earn I can pull myself out of it within 6 months, but I've been working on launching new companies and it's been a struggle. My 2 cofounders are waiting for me to finis…

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. At the risk of sounding trite, I'd like to share with you two things I've found helpful on these much-worse-then-usual times of life.

First, I take comfort in knowing that the cumulative crappiness is sometimes just an unfortunately coincidental timing of multiple, crappy problems. And I know such coincidences will happen time to time. So that comforts me in knowing that it's not part of some long-term, downward trajectory in my life.

I'm almost too embarrassed to share this second one, but it really helps me so I will. When crappy times like you're having happen to me, sometimes the song "Mama Said" by The Shirelles [0] goes through my head. It always brings a little levity and perspective to my mood :)

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L842mz-tNBQ

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