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Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

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Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#161

Post by lapnitnelav »

closeparen wrote: post #44

Maybe not skills, but habits: - Give glowing, public praise to the work and behavior I want to see more of, rather than complain about what I want to see less. - Perform the necessary rituals with a smile, and not reveal any worry about their lack of purpose / fitness for purpose. - Use videoconferencing only for presentations, never for substantial interactive discussion. (Travel, make the decision locally, or write…

The airstrike one is brilliant.

(I may have been a B52 pilot in the past, indiscriminately bombing left and right)

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#162

Post by hjanssen »

chronic7382 wrote: post #128
elevenoh wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Start respecting the fact that intellectual development & progress is only one axis on the map that is the human experience. Excellent all too overlooked view IMO.

>> Start respecting the fact that intellectual development & progress is only one axis on the map that is the human experience. > Excellent all too overlooked view IMO. Intellectual development and logical reasoning serve as the basis for proper personal health, family nucleation, social improvement, and other axes on the human experience map. Without being able to think, how can you improve your health, friend, fami…

This is only true up to a certain degree. A Phd will almost certainly not help you with your health or your social development. It is true that there is a minimum of basic education needed to find these things worthy of your time, but it's definitly not needed and you are talking about people who never experienced that basic education.

I also think the second part of your comment incredibly dismissive, because it asserts that those people will never "be smart enough" to care about this things. You mix up education and intelligence which are not the same thing.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#163

Post by CalRobert »

Some people use anger as a way to manipulate others and get what they want. This means that if you're never annoying _anybody_ you're probably a chump.

(Now, if it's more than a rare occurrence that's a problem, but sometimes, some people will be angry at you. And that's OK).

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#164

Post by barking »

cannonedhamster wrote: post #68
asveikau wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be tricky when the high-ups are a-holes.

Sadly the higher up you go, the higher the likelihood you'll be dealing with sociopaths and psychopaths. While sociopaths can be very effective executives, psychopaths should always be watched it for as they thrive on the drama and power. Sociopaths just lack empathy which makes them highly useful in making emotionally difficult decisions. For a Star Trek reference sociopaths act like Vulcans when it comes to empathy…

I thought that sociopaths and psychopaths behave identically. The difference is that one was born that way while bad life experiences made the other that way.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#165

Post by dgellow »

Virtually everybody consider what they are familiar with to be normal or standard (often based on the country where they got their education). That was a big lesson to learn for me. Being in an international working environment makes you extra aware of that.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#166

Post by agent008t »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #63
jdavis703 wrote: post #15

I was homeschooled from grades K-12 (for those outside the U.S. essentially from age 5 to 18) which in and of itself leads to poorly developed social skills. But I also have ADD. One of the symptoms of ADD is poor impulse control and rejection sensitivity which leads to issues with "emotional intelligence." So I would advise anyone, if you suspect you may have adult ADD, talk to a physciatrist and figure it out. Fixi…

I'll second this. I spent roughly 2/3s of my life in a terrible ADD vortex of self loathing, hiding, and genuine depression. My sense of self had diminished to a scary degree towards my thirties because I was convinced I was a broken person but had this job to upkeep, kids to raise, a relationship to maintain. I had given up on understanding what was wrong with me. Then I realized my kid had an attention disorder and…

What changed after you talked to professionals? Is it the same, but now you just know what it is and what to expect, so it feels better? Have you learned how to manage it better? Found some chemicals that can make your experience better?

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#167

Post by dougmwne »

teekert wrote: post #131
lookathrwaway wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Throw away for obvious reasons. I find almost everyone intensely boring. How am I supposed to get along with people without feeling like a complete fraud? Small talk, feigning interest in kids, in sports, in wine, in whatever useless dull, pedestrian thing a coworker is into. I find that anyone who isn't a PhD (or could easily have been if they hadn't gone into industry) might as well be a paper shell. I can put on a…

I had a colleague like that, he was diagnosed with Asperger. He genuinely wanted to be interested in others but wasn't... At least until we discussed bitcoin, or Isaac Arthur, or Scifi audio books with interesting concepts, or his body building diet... I think he just had little in common with the family people at work. I told him, most people have something you can learn from them and if not, just be polite and it's…

I think this is pretty spot and this is a telling quote from GP:

>It's like you try to peel back a single layer of why people believe what they believe and there's nothing there.

Oh, but there is something there. People are not paper shells, but if you perceive them that way then you reveal your own blindness. Most non-ASD people find the emotional and experiential lives of others to be endlessly fascinating. Talking through a well-worn topic is a chance to see it new again through the other person's eyes and get a new flavor for it as you understand their own experience.

So I think my advice to GP would be lose the attitude. Others can smell it from a mile away and will treat you accordingly. Holding such a negative belief about others will make your professional life much more difficult and you will lose opportunities. It might be difficult to perceive these inner emotional lives of the people around you, but what you can't see exists all the same. People, even the ones who seem lazy or stupid at first glance are awe-inspiringly capable. We all run on similar hardware, and so each of us has a few PhDs worth of hidden depths.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#168

Post by nprateem »

chronic7382 wrote: post #128
elevenoh wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Start respecting the fact that intellectual development & progress is only one axis on the map that is the human experience. Excellent all too overlooked view IMO.

>> Start respecting the fact that intellectual development & progress is only one axis on the map that is the human experience. > Excellent all too overlooked view IMO. Intellectual development and logical reasoning serve as the basis for proper personal health, family nucleation, social improvement, and other axes on the human experience map. Without being able to think, how can you improve your health, friend, fami…

> This is why most of America is overweight, poor, and doesn't care for anyone other than themselves (as shown by both democratic and Republican political platforms)

And yet all those people are still just as valid and worthwhile humans as anyone else. They all make up the rich tapestry of life. One of the most important skills to be able to relate to people is to realise that, to be able to see the world from someone else's perspective, and to understand what's important to them.

> they simply don't have the intellectual capacity to care

Caring is an emotional response, not an intellectual ability.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#169

Post by Xelbair »

Admit mistakes, and acknowledge if someone is right(even if you hate that person, or he or she is below you in the ladder)

Don't yell and judge the fuckups, unless someone does the same mistake over and over again. The only one kind of person does no mistakes - the one who dosen't do anything.

Try to help people around you, sharing knowledge etc. It makes everything go smoother.

Tl;Dr Be professional, keep calm, and leave your prejudices at home.

Work shouldn't affect(nor care) about your private time, and vice versa.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#170

Post by nprateem »

brokenmachine wrote: post #112
lookathrwaway wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Throw away for obvious reasons. I find almost everyone intensely boring. How am I supposed to get along with people without feeling like a complete fraud? Small talk, feigning interest in kids, in sports, in wine, in whatever useless dull, pedestrian thing a coworker is into. I find that anyone who isn't a PhD (or could easily have been if they hadn't gone into industry) might as well be a paper shell. I can put on a…

>I find that anyone who isn't a PhD (or could easily have been if they hadn't gone into industry) might as well be a paper shell. I can put on a mask of civility and charm when needed, but all I really want is to talk to deeply self-aware people struggling with the boundaries of human knowledge. >Nearly every time I work up the motivation to try to really get to know someone who I think I may have judged too quickly…

> I find intelligence and a sense of humour really go together.

I once heard it said that humour is about taking two disparate ideas and relating them together, or taking something common and interpreting it in an unexpected way. Tool-making or invention is similar.

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