151–160 of 244 posts
Truth is powerful. It is stronger than willpower. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a secondary emotion. It cannot exist without thought. This is fact. Anger is a response to unmet expectations. You expect and feel you deserve some "state of the universe" whether it is success, recognition, remuneration, respect, or basic human treatment. You then do not receive that thing you expected and believed you deserved,…
I know some people here have suggested jumping to another position, which certainly is a viable option, but consider the fact that emotional hardship will always occur in our lifetimes. Similarly, it's worth gaining some self-awareness around why things are activating, whether they be good or bad (activating or deregulating your system in a heightened state or a low-energy state). My advice is see a therapist on a so…
I'm against pathologising any normal reaction to stress. When the anger reaches a point where it actually becomes a painful hindrance in daily life it's an option to think about though. But there are also coaching and life counseling (not sure what the proper English terms are).
Life coaching is just bad therapy from unqualified people. And they are often part of MLM schemes or associate themselves with (other) swindlers to part you from even more of your money.
Otherwise, think of stress like your email inbox; a stressbox. You can zero this out on a daily basis by being honest with yourself about what is important in your life.
If it's not important, delete it.
If it is important, archive it and come back tomorrow, wait for your brain to detach the emotion from the event. Anger is a symptom; you need clarity to figure out the cause of the symptom (the event).
If it's someone else's anger causing you stress, mark it as spam and unsubscribe; sometimes this requires telling someone to stop being negative around you.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Shifting to contracting helped me with this, as a contractor I was able to keep an emotional distance from the work, I always knew I only had a few more weeks or months and so if they wanted me to produce crap then so be it.
I've found an interesting divide amongst contractors on this - some are happy to treat it precisely that way, complaining a little about the crap they have to produce, but mostly content with the fact that it's not forever, maybe the next contract will be great, and the money really makes up for whatever crap you have to deal with. (Let's face it, if you're contracting and you're not making good money, you're just do…
Oddly enough, previously to that incident, I treated contracting no different to being a permie, I'd heavily invest, commit 110%, and push and push until stuff was delivered. I didn't know how to take my foot off the gas, even when I was only hired to do one specific thing.
I'm now in my second contract since my breakdown, and I have that disconnected attitude, when I can just walk away, and I try not to let the work issues affect me. I'm now a much calmer person (although that could be the daily drugs talking... I don't know).
It's all horses for courses at the end of the day, some people like to be neck-deep in work, and thrive on the stress and pressure, and others just want to be left alone to do what they are good at during 9-5 and then forget about work until the next day.
What is true though, is that stress will kill you, and no matter what your role is, it's not worth your life.
Stop trying to fix the symptoms, fix the cause. Why does work of all things make you this angry? Is it a lack of control? Would you be happier running things or doing consulting? Is it the project(s)? People/a particular person?
Stop trying to get rid of the cough and start trying to get rid of the illness. It is not normal to get so angry at work that you bring it home.
Truth is powerful. It is stronger than willpower. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a secondary emotion. It cannot exist without thought. This is fact. Anger is a response to unmet expectations. You expect and feel you deserve some "state of the universe" whether it is success, recognition, remuneration, respect, or basic human treatment. You then do not receive that thing you expected and believed you deserved,…
No, it isn't. That's just a particular framing of one kind of cycle that can happen. While it might not be typical, it is absolutely possible for anger to occur first, with the thoughts that "prompted" the anger actually occurring as a rationalization afterward. Human brains are amazingly adept at quietly generating plausible bullshit to fill in gaps that would otherwise cause dissonance.