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Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

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Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#141

Post by giantg2 »

marssaxman wrote: post #89

In my first marriage we combined our finances, at my wife's insistence. This was simple in that we had only one account, but complex in that we had to negotiate over spending in a tedious fine-grained way. Our priorities and risk tolerances differed greatly; I felt like my wife ended up with all the money, while I ended up with all the responsibility. Unable to resolve this (or any other) conflict peacefully, our par…

"I felt like my wife ended up with all the money"

Congrats, that's marriage. My wife and I have mostly separate finances and she still ends up with most of the money because she doesn't contribute appropriately to the bills.

Seems like spending and priorities can be a problem whether the finances are combined or separate. At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. Even if the accounts are separate, it's still "our" money, but many people don't get that.

" I believe that the details of your financial structure are less important than the process of communication and accommodation you establish around it."

This is what it comes down to.

Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#142

Post by whateveracct »

giantg2 wrote: post #141
marssaxman wrote: post #89

In my first marriage we combined our finances, at my wife's insistence. This was simple in that we had only one account, but complex in that we had to negotiate over spending in a tedious fine-grained way. Our priorities and risk tolerances differed greatly; I felt like my wife ended up with all the money, while I ended up with all the responsibility. Unable to resolve this (or any other) conflict peacefully, our par…

"I felt like my wife ended up with all the money" Congrats, that's marriage. My wife and I have mostly separate finances and she still ends up with most of the money because she doesn't contribute appropriately to the bills. Seems like spending and priorities can be a problem whether the finances are combined or separate. At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. Even if the accou…

> At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement.

If you have joint finances, then you're both paying for those things whether you both work or not. If you frame it as "I work and pay bills and she spends money," you don't actually have a joint finance mindset.

Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#143

Post by nextweek2 »

poidos wrote: post #28

Two young professionals, no kids. We each have our own bank account(s) and credit cards and our own budget in YNAB. I manage both budgets but only do hers when she’s present. We agreed on what constitutes a shared expense ahead of time (mortgage, utilities, etc) and split them based on what percentage of last month’s household income (post-tax) each of us earned. This is variable since we both do some contracting/con…

> Two young professionals, no kids

There’s an acronym for that.

DINK’s == Double Income No Kids

Net contributors to the economy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#144

Post by Fire-Dragon-DoL »

Legally everything is shared, so from my perspective, might as well share everything. This shouldn't seem weird if you are getting married, it's the reality your are signing up for.

IANAL.

We do keep everything shared. Both of us strive to stick to our budget and have each other's best interest at heart, so this makes it easier to manage the finances

Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#145

Post by giantg2 »

whateveracct wrote: post #142
giantg2 wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I felt like my wife ended up with all the money" Congrats, that's marriage. My wife and I have mostly separate finances and she still ends up with most of the money because she doesn't contribute appropriately to the bills. Seems like spending and priorities can be a problem whether the finances are combined or separate. At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. Even if the accou…

> At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. If you have joint finances, then you're both paying for those things whether you both work or not. If you frame it as "I work and pay bills and she spends money," you don't actually have a joint finance mindset.

That's not entirely true. If someone is spending outside the budget and preventing those goals, then someone isn't paying/saving/contributing, regardless of their contribution or lack of contribution. At the end of the day you still need individual accountability towards the shared goals.

Re: Ask HN: How do you structure your shared finances with your spouse/partner

#146

Post by whateveracct »

giantg2 wrote: post #145
whateveracct wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> At the end of the day, someone has to pay for housing and save for retirement. If you have joint finances, then you're both paying for those things whether you both work or not. If you frame it as "I work and pay bills and she spends money," you don't actually have a joint finance mindset.

That's not entirely true. If someone is spending outside the budget and preventing those goals, then someone isn't paying/saving/contributing, regardless of their contribution or lack of contribution. At the end of the day you still need individual accountability towards the shared goals.

Yes both people need to embody "our" finances for it to work.

Which means - no your income/my income but our income. And no your spending/my spending but our spending.

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