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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#141

Post by jvanderbot »

9wzYQbTYsAIc wrote: post #106
mradek wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

If you are in the United States, the following is a good resource: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Also, read through https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/how-find-t...

I have found this to be a good, if somewhat unreliable way to find therapists. But it definitely is a real resource that shouldn't be sandbagged with downvotes.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#142

Post by itsoktocry »

I'm not sure I'm "good" at answering these kind of posts, but I'm the same age. I can't speak to everything, but I can to a couple things:

>I know the best of my life is behind me

Simply not true. This is a mindset thing, I think. I had a great time in my 20s and 30s, no regrets. But I wouldn't go back there for anything. Everything about being older and wiser feels better to me. Sure, I'm slowing down physically, but that's something I can (and do) easily work on.

>As I stand, I have no current skills related to either my education (MEng) or my previous work experience (BI Reporting/Analytics). I don't have ideas/skills/network for entrepreneurship.

So, this is going to be tough in the short term, no lies. But it's not insurmountable.

We're going to go through a little bit of a rough patch in hiring in this space thanks to the recession that's coming or we are already in. It sucks, but that's the way these economic cycles work.

But it sounds to me you are related to a hot segment of the economy. Take this time to catch up on the state-of-the-art. Data literacy is not going anywhere. Learn about and play with the tools of the Modern Data Stack. There are entirely new roles out there you can get into in this space: Data Engineering, Analytics Engineering, etc. Take whatever work you can in the space to get something on your resume. When the economy recovers you'll have no problem earning a living in the space.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#144

Post by yodsanklai »

I thought I was done professionally in my 30s, was also quite depressed, I thought I wasn't good at anything. I landed a great job in a different field at 44. I don't know if I'm super happy but with motivation, luck and work, it's not too late for change.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#145

Post by kaon123 »

There are magic bullets. But I feel a few months ago as if I stumbled upon one:

My regular sports team (ultimate frisbee) disbanded after the pandemic, so I found myself without any physical exercise. I thought I probably should go to the gym but realised I wasn't going to do it after work, and neither before breakfast. Also, I am 34 and have never visited a gym before in my life.

Then I found a gym across my office which specialises in High Intensity Interval Training. They are group trainings that only last 25 mins. Including overhead (shower, dressing, etc.) it takes 40 minutes. This means my lunch break is about 1h15 minutes long, but it includes sports!

It has transformed my wellbeing, and I feel suddenly I am acting on issues that I have been procrastinating on for years.

Obviously there are many other things you could/should do in your life. And the other comments here are very valuable. But maybe if you are only going to do 1 thing... Consider this. Or consider it several years down the line when other things have worked out :).

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#146

Post by mtalantikite »

The best of your life is definitely not behind you!

Others have suggested therapy, and as someone that spent some years with a therapist I agree with that part, so I won't comment more on that. But I would really emphasize finding a physical practice of some sort. Finding a yoga and martial arts (muay thai) practice changed everything for me. Another comment mentioned you might be in Germany, and if I were there I'd go take a week retreat at Shaolin Temple Europe to study some forms [1]. He takes people of all ages and all levels there.

[1] https://www.shaolintemple.eu/index.php?page=videos

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#147

Post by starkd »

realce wrote: post #97
mradek wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

> How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. In reality, you don't really know the kind of people you'd trust to talk to in the first place, you don't really have an informed opinion. Just jump in feet-first, don't think about. You just need someone to talk to ASAP and any decent therapist is your first step. Just try it, there's nothing to lose w…

>> there's nothign to lose whatsoever.

Except hundreds or even thousands of dollars you may or may not have to pay the counselors until you find the right one. I don't mean to be discouraging anyone from getting help, but keep in mind the counselors are not fungible, and, at least in my experience, many of them are useless or just plain weird. (This is not to stereotype, just stating the reality.) I wish there was a way to prefilter them out, but it is such a subjective field and the treatment options are highly individualistic.

I would suggest any kind of community involvement with people you have an affinity for. In person, preferably. That brings on a set of new problems, but at least it will help get you out of yourself and away from too much navel-gazing.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#148

Post by hnbad »

fnord123 wrote: post #85
boppo1 wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recall that this hotline basically just calls your local authorities and prevents you from being a danger to yourself by having you committed to a mental health facility. Sub-optimal.

If OP is in Germany (they say they studied in the US implying that they are no longer there; and their nick is Deutscher) then https://www.telefonseelsorge.de/telefon/ claims to be anonymous.

If OP is in Germany, I can second this recommendation. They're funded via Christian organizations but as far as I'm aware the hotlines themselves are secular by default so if you're an atheist or non-Christian you don't have to worry about them pushing anything religious on you. Also, given how strict German privacy laws are, their claims of anonymity are as reliable as they can be (caveat: don't confess to any major crimes you have committed as those are usually not covered by privacy laws).

The easiest way to access a therapist is to ask your general practitioner (Hausarzt or Allgemeinmediziner) for a referral. You'll still have to find one yourself but they can direct you towards a list. The wait times can be very long but the sessions (and meds if any) are covered by public health insurance.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#149

Post by gvko »

Not like I can give a good life advice, but from my life experience as a man knowledge about psychology and anthropology - you need a goal/aim to work towards. I say "experience as a man", because this is especially true for males. Everything else will fall in place little by little.

And usually when someone doesn't know what to do with their life, I suggest them to learn how to code. This platform is the best one I know how to start programming: https://www.freecodecamp.org/

Why I say this is because it's easy for anyone physically capable to start coding for free. And the job prospects are good. And consequentially, there is a high probability this will give you some meaning/goal/aim in life.

Sorry, if this was a crappy advice. Just trying to help.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#150

Post by AndyMcConachie »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

There is no harm in trying out therapists. Don't be afraid to fire them and find a new one. They shouldn't take it personally. Much of it is about fit and you need to find the right person for you.
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