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Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#141

Post by medvezhenok »

xhrpost wrote: post #49
shp0ngle wrote: post #37

I don’t know if I will. I was a computer addicted kid since I was about 8, when parents bought me a computer in 1995. When faster internet came, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I was on the internet nonstop. And later on social media - LiveJournal, Blogger, Flickr, YouTube, but also some local servers that people here won’t know. I don’t think it hurt me that much? Now I am a developer and making more money than m…

I feel like content and internet use was wildly different back then. I did the same thing in that timeframe with a similar result. But I was constantly constructive with what I did. Not because I was a workaholic, I was just really curious and interested in everything. Linux? Cool let's install and play around for a while. How many fun logos can I make in GIMP for my cheesy geocities site? Oh half-life comes with a l…

Indeed, the modern day web is closer to what TV was back in the late 1990s or early 2000s than the web of that era. Except more tailored to you, so probably more addicting than the television.

I'm not sure if you could re-create the early web experience. It might be possible with a VERY highly curated twitter feed, but it would still be challenging, as the medium doesn't promote the same type of long term engagement as the older style PhpBB forums did.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#142

Post by dkqmduems »

theonething wrote: post #10

My kid's almost three. From day one, we've implemented a zero screen policy. That means no phones, tablets, computers, TV (don't own one), etc. We've read to her since day one and she loves books now and her spoken/listening language skills are way ahead for her age. Wife speaks to her in her native language so she's growing up bilingual too. Wife takes her to parks, mommy and me classes where they have story time, s…

I wonder if too much reading is a problem. We end up reading quite a few books throughout the day with our 3yo because they demand it. Offering a screen is only a weak distraction.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#143

Post by sowbug »

_mme wrote: post #102
sowbug wrote: post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

Amazing attitude. The mother of my kid and I are separated. I wanted to restrict content/screen time, but she gave him unrestricted access to his iPhone and now I feel it can't be undone. He's 13. I'm mostly worried about his attention span, especially when I watch him use his phone. But then again, maybe this is just a different generation and I must understand that his way of using the internet is different from mi…

My wife and I divorced last year. Fortunately, she and I have always agreed on this parenting philosophy for our kids. Unfortunately, that means I can't totally relate to the specific tension you're having, other than to guess that it must be very hard that the two of you disagree on something so intermingled with today's parent-child relationship.

A screen is a great way to amuse a kid while you regain your sanity after a rough day. But so is a playdate with another kid, or a sleepover if they're older. And if your kid went on a playdate or a sleepover, wouldn't you ask how it went? Wouldn't you talk to the other parent(s) about how it went? Wouldn't it be weird if you didn't ever talk about that sleepover? Why should an iPhone be any different?

My point is that a screen isn't a pause button on your parent-child relationship. It's an experience that the kid goes through, separately from you, and it's your duty as a parent to get back in sync again afterward. Sorry to use your kid's mom as a pointed subject here, but it makes all the difference whether she sees the iPhone as an extra parenting responsibility, or a substitute for some of hers. In our case, we didn't demand a full accounting of every one of our kids' clicks. But occasional conversations were expected. (And pro tip for separated parents, these kinds of conversations can also happen... over the phone! On SMS!)

Stories to share... well, I won't get too specific because they're kids and all that, but briefly...

One: the kids all have small savings accounts with even smaller allowances. Twice they've gotten bamboozled by online gaming sites (similar to Club Penguin) into putting in their debit-card number to buy a virtual trinket that then turns into a $expensive/month subscription. Both times they noticed they were suddenly overdrawn, and came to me asking for help. If those payments were tuition in life experience, we got good value for it, because my kids today are pretty good at reading the fine print. And we now have a family legend/parable of Kid #2 buying the $1 powerup that cost him all his savings.

Two: Call of Duty during the pandemic. Self-regulation issues surfaced, and grades slipped. We talked about it and came up with a homework-before-gaming-each-night rule. We (the parents) didn't enforce the rule; that was the kids' job. Grades came back slowly, but the bleeding stopped almost immediately.

Honestly, I sat here for a while trying to think of a zinger of a third story, but most are the same -- the kid walking up to me with a screen in hand, showing me a site or an app, and asking "Dad, is this legit?" and oh god no it isn't and I'm so glad they felt OK asking me about it. I think that's actually the common thread with all these stories: we've been reasonably successful keeping the lines of communication open about their online lives, giving us the opportunity to parent through the teachable moments, rather than preemptively shaming them into dealing with it alone. My kids aren't perfect, but I'm satisfied with how they're prepared for the world, in all its gory detail.

Best of luck with your parenting! If you do it right, your kids will grant you lifetime tenure!

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#144

Post by aerovistae »

tboyd47 wrote: post #40

I've been fighting this battle for years and I still fight it every day with my kids. First, you MUST set limits on everything addictive to children in your house including the internet. Limit the content they can access and the place and time they can use it. You can adjust the limits, but never remove them. Second, if they're old enough, explain the concept of addiction to them. Here is a perfect video to do that:…

What do you make of this one's approach? Just wondering since you're on opposite ends of the spectrum. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34022113

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#145

Post by TaupeRanger »

edgefield wrote: post #124
sowbug wrote: post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

We’re in a similar boat and have never set limits. Our two kids have learned to self moderate. They both like technology but get bored after a period of time and move on to other activities. We also encourage other activities with cub scouts, play dates, gymnastics, swim lessons and of course occasionally have to be strict with prioritizing homework. I give my partner credit for facilitating most of this. Maybe we’re…

For every one of these anecdotes there's another where the kid got unrestricted access and is now incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without having their tablet with them, and is chronically addicted to the screen at nearly every waking moment, to their extreme detriment in school and social encounters. I have a family member like this.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#146

Post by Aeolun »

theonething wrote: post #87
adaml_623 wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you do with her when you are out with friends? Restaurants, etc?

Believe or not, especially if we order something she really likes, she'll sit there eating her food and talk to us, making comments about things she notices in her environment. Before the food comes, she'll just look around and make conversation about what she sees. Could this be just her personality and we got lucky? Possibly. But I'm willing to bet it also has to do with her not being used to screens and instead be…

I think the symptoms/behavior comes first, and the screens come after. My son cannot sit still. He’ll wiggle, jump, run and try to touch/lick everything in existence if he’s not entertained, and what he finds entertaining is exactly the things I mentioned before.

And youtube.

It’s literally the only way to get him to sit still for any amount of time (that I’ve found anyway), so that’s what restaurant time has become.

Doesn’t mean he always wants to or gets to watch a video, especially if he can run about outside instead, but if we’re eating in a restaurant that’s otherwise dreadfully boring to him, yeah.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#147

Post by aerovistae »

theonething wrote: post #10

My kid's almost three. From day one, we've implemented a zero screen policy. That means no phones, tablets, computers, TV (don't own one), etc. We've read to her since day one and she loves books now and her spoken/listening language skills are way ahead for her age. Wife speaks to her in her native language so she's growing up bilingual too. Wife takes her to parks, mommy and me classes where they have story time, s…

What do you make of this one's approach? Just wondering since you're on opposite ends of the spectrum. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34022113

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#148

Post by Aeolun »

nkohari wrote: post #50
benjaminwootton wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you guys being serious? It would be a cold day in hell before my children sat at a dinner table with an ipad for entertainment! A 3 year old talking, colouring, playing games etc before food arrives is absolutely normal and acheivable!

What works for some doesn't work for everyone. Parents should do what works for them and their kids, without judgement.

Lol, try telling that to the no screen crowd.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#149

Post by Aeolun »

agentwiggles wrote: post #23
bcrosby95 wrote: post #15

For our kids the big problem was youtube. Give them a game on their tablet and they are quickly collaborating on it. Give them a show and they will go see what the other person is watching. After not too long (an hour or two) they are completely done and doing something else. But youtube is different. They can sit alone, in a corner, slack jawed, for 8 hours per day, only watching youtube, as they respond to all ques…

Youtube has been essentially banned in my house after seeing the effect it had on my kids. The problem, in short, was that Youtube continuously feeds them new content. Sadly - especially given the huge amount of actually great content on Youtube - everything that it wants to show my kids is absolutely dogshit garbage. A bunch of Gen Z kids with obviously wealthy families just acting like idiots. I couldn't stand it a…

> The problem, in short, was that Youtube continuously feeds them new content.

Does it? I feel like my son has been watching essentially the same 20-25 videos over and over again. Of course his youtube time is limited, but it doesn’t seem like it suggests anything but his three favorite channels.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#150

Post by kaesar14 »

TaupeRanger wrote: post #145
edgefield wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We’re in a similar boat and have never set limits. Our two kids have learned to self moderate. They both like technology but get bored after a period of time and move on to other activities. We also encourage other activities with cub scouts, play dates, gymnastics, swim lessons and of course occasionally have to be strict with prioritizing homework. I give my partner credit for facilitating most of this. Maybe we’re…

For every one of these anecdotes there's another where the kid got unrestricted access and is now incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without having their tablet with them, and is chronically addicted to the screen at nearly every waking moment, to their extreme detriment in school and social encounters. I have a family member like this.

I think the more important thing is fostering your children to have other interests - when the electronics are given just to make a kid shut up it can eventually become their "real" parents. When parents are active and make an effort to show their children other activities and find what they're interested in, the electronics won't be as enticing.

Maybe that requires a child having some built in proclivity towards some manner of creative expression or physical activity, who knows.

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