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Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#141

Post by saulpw »

Xcelerate wrote: post #92
earino wrote: post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

> You signed up for a bunch of responsibilities. You are always going to be your kids parent. You are only going to have this one opportunity to get this marriage and this family right. I think this is a bit of a depressing take. Even committed parents and spouses take alone time for themselves and have hobbies. Just treat your side project as your hobby and you can still have a healthy family. Also, think about how…

> Even committed parents and spouses take alone time for themselves and have hobbies.

The parents I know with kids younger than 7 have no time for themselves or their hobbies. They're lucky if they can scrape together a few hours a week for basic self-care. In the mornings the kids demand full attention and after the kids go to bed there's maybe time for a single TV show which one person falls asleep during.

> how can a side project be successful on 5 hours a day in the early morning?

So from 4am-9am a person is grinding away on their side project or startup while their spouse takes care of getting their kids ready. And then at 9am they just slide right into work for a cool 8 hours, eating lunch at their desk and then checking out at 5pm for a nice family dinner.

This sounds like a robot's advice to a human to how to organize their life. Completely not feasibly and devoid of lived experience.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#142

Post by eclark »

bombcar wrote: post #105
foobarian wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the problem is not the paycut, so much as you suddenly work 80 hour weeks and never see your kids.

If it's your startup, choose a location to work that's close to home, and have the kids come over. I fondly remember running around the overly large halls of various companies my dad worked for which were startup or startup adjacent.

I'm doing this by starting an all remote start up. I can hear my son playing downstairs or outside, while I get to dedicate myself for a while. I'm actually able to make it to more of the important times, now that I'm not commuting, even though I work long hours.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#143

Post by dubeye »

I built a startup pre kids but honestly don't think I could do it with my normal routine now.

If I had to give postive advice, I'd say negotiate with your family to carve out the time, starting with an entire month away then some kind of segmented regular time you are not disturbed.....

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#144

Post by bombcar »

eclark wrote: post #142
bombcar wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it's your startup, choose a location to work that's close to home, and have the kids come over. I fondly remember running around the overly large halls of various companies my dad worked for which were startup or startup adjacent.

I'm doing this by starting an all remote start up. I can hear my son playing downstairs or outside, while I get to dedicate myself for a while. I'm actually able to make it to more of the important times, now that I'm not commuting, even though I work long hours.

Yeah, the when of long hours can be much more important than the long hours themselves, especially depending on kid ages.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#145

Post by fidrelity »

I would not encourage you to simply quit and try your luck at finding PMF until you run out of money.

Saying that I believe there are options:

1. Work out a concrete problem you're passionate about, then try to attract early capital (business angels) that allow you to draw a livable salary. 2. Join an early stage startup. There are still companies who raised seed in need of strong CTOs.The best founding teams are reluctant to give away equity and are happy to pay more instead. 3. Find structures like startup studios. Especially in the US there are a lot of studios that give you a viable idea and/or capital really early.

If you're in Europe feel free to reach out.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#146

Post by vyrotek »

I'm married, 38 and have 3 kids. I've done a few startups. I wish the long hours and cut in pay were the only risks. I can control my costs of living but the biggest pain/risk I can't control is the lack of healthcare benefits.

I'd love to know how folks deal with this. We've used various health co-ops. Still not great. I feel like it's one of the biggest factors holding people back from starting a business.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#148

Post by onlyrealcuzzo »

earino wrote: post #6

My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't. Asking folks how to do this is a bit like asking billionaires how to get rich. It's a fun story but it's overfitting. The individual narrative that made a billionaire is unlikely to be available for you. If you ask some millionaires they may be more likely to give you some useful advice around sound investment strategies, living within your means, and iden…

> My very concrete feelings on this is that you probably don't.

The ones that do - and usually the few in this age group that succeed - are already independently wealthy from a combination of having a highly successful career and making good investments.

People that have $1M+ to fall back on - and can easily land another job making $400k+ - if things don't work out.

You don't see too many 35 year-olds with 3 kids and no savings starting Ubers.

Every once in a while you find an Elon Musk who already had plenty of money, and decided to start another business.

People with insignificant amounts of savings starting successful companies are almost exclusively in their teens or 20s.

Re: Ask HN: How do you start a startup in your 30s when you have wife/kids/mortgage?

#149

Post by grammers »

> So the question is: how do I continue my current standard of living for my family while working on a startup?

If it was known how to make money right away, everybody would start a start-up right away. But there are so many brilliant ideas, you just never know if they are going to work. Sure you can try, but the risk is there - as you said yourself.

If I were you, I would sit down with my wife, discuss pros and cons and also make clear why this matters so much to you. Hopefully you'll find a solution together!

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