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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#141

Post by blitzar »

hatware wrote: post #131
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying I don't think this has anything to do with being a parent.

> 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying

Phew, for a minute there I thought I had an unknown child somewhere out there.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#142

Post by georgeburdell »

swader999 wrote: post #98
itsmemattchung wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

11. Your career will suffer Point #11 is not necessarily a bad thing. Having a child is a forcing function, requiring you to really prioritize what's important (and not important) in your life. All of us only have 24 hours in the day. All of us have limits. Also, be prepared that not all fathers (especially in the corporate world) will see eye-to-eye. My relationship with one of my mentors dissolved practically overn…

My career took off with kids. Something to do with purpose and motivation I think.

What kind of job do you have?

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#143

Post by rand49an »

sparrish wrote: post #114
Freak_NL wrote: post #60

Not mentioned here yet, as this should be a no-brainer to most people, but if you're American and it's a boy: don't start his life by cutting of a perfectly good piece of penis (i.e., circumcision). That's his call, optionally (but probably not, rare medical conditions excepted) later in life. Don't do it just because the cornflakes guy said so. If you're going to do that anyway because of religion you won't be convi…

To offer the not-so-rare medical condition story, my wife and I were house-parents at a children's home and one of the 10-year old boys was having recurring infections because of poor hygiene habits. After the second time in the hospital to deal with it, the Dr. decided circumcision was the best course forward. The pain and discomfort that poor boy went through as he recovered is something I'd never wish on anyone. I…

Doesn't this just come down to better education on personal hygiene? My parents had a talk with me when I was a kid about washing properly and I've never had an issue and I doubt I'm alone on that.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#146

Post by IvanaSays »

seanicus wrote: post #120
swader999 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My career took off with kids. Something to do with purpose and motivation I think.

Francis Ford Coppola said something to the effect of how having a bunch of kids served as a huge financial and artistic motivator for him. Not sure I'd recommend in that my kid is 2 and I'm not sure if I've done even 1000 words of creative since then. I did turn down a near-lateral promotion that would've require 60%+ travel. Everyone has to do right by their families and values but appreciating and maximizing my tim…

Oh my god. Trust me, you'll NEVER hear a woman say that. Yuk.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#147

Post by xdrosenheim »

Xenoamorphous wrote: post #104
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> Culture plays a big role. The west and east have _very_ different ways of raising children Can you elaborate a bit, what are the biggest differences?

My neighbor, not sure where exactly they were from, but they were from the east, had a newborn some months ago. They had a full week of partying, family and friends visiting. They made as much noise as possible, day and night, literally banging pans and pots. All of this was to get the child comfortable with noise. Even leaving the child to cry so it would get used to being alone sometimes. I have never seen such with a "western" family.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#148

Post by adam-_- »

Congratulations!

If you're able to, take your partner away _before_ the baby arrives. They deserve it for growing a human and you both deserve some quality time together before everything changes :)

Other than that, it's amazing (and challenging). Be patient and kind to each other (and it goes without saying, to your baby).

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#149

Post by softwaredoug »

Two concepts to hold in balance:

- The Adverse Childhood Experiences study and how childhood trauma changes the physiology of the brain

- But also “good enough parenting” and take it easy on yourself.

The most important thing isn’t whether you make mistakes it’s whether you repair and apologize, reinforcing that it’s not the kids fault, and parents are highly imperfect. Kids otherwise naturally assume they are the problem and need to change.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#150

Post by garrickvanburen »

RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Yes - to reading and traditions. Even if it’s something silly like “ice cream for dinner on the first 90F summer day”
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