141–150 of 218 posts
As an autistic person (and I'm not suggesting OP is also an aspie), I can say that all the advice that amounts to "just put yourself out there" is worse than useless; you only see things the way you do because those interactions come naturally to you, and you instinctively know how to process and act on them. People who are socially awkward are often unable to do this. It's like saying to someone who is not good a ma…
Join a fraternity or sorority and go to fraternity parties. It's really easy to meet people that way. Frats are by definition social groups, so they'll introduce you to a lot of people on campus.
This is kind of weird, but go to office hours for the classes you really like. It's usually the same few people going to office hours and they really care about the topic, so if you do too, you could become good friends.
Join a lab to do research. You'll meet a lot of the older professors and graduate students that way. It's a different set of people than your classmates.
1. Join a bunch of clubs that interest you. Go consistently. Join clubs that you might enjoy but improve your social skills (acting, improv, debate, etc). Don't just hang out with the same people all the time. 2. Treat being social as a skill. Schedule time that you go out and force yourself to speak to people you don't know. Learn to care less about what others think of you, and learn to accept rejection. 3. Learn t…
> 4. Keep track of everyone you speak to. Everyone. Write down what they mentioned they liked, who their family is, what matters to them. Make sure to put that list on a wall somewhere in your room so visitors can see how much you care. It will be a nice conversation starter and not at all alarming.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's a lot of good advice in that, but some of it would be too regimented for me, and I've never been able to handle too many social activities in a short period of time.
A lot of social technique advice is useless because anyone with a reasonable amount of intelligence would discover it themselves, provided they have the right brain chemicals for naturally spending a lot of time around people, which obviously most of the people who don't already do that don't. The first step in a realistic guide would be something about how to overcome or change one's inner nature. If you wanted to h…
> anyone with a reasonable amount of intelligence
...can talk themselves into feeling apprehensive about pretty much anything. Not advice for OP necessary, but getting out of your head is definitely advice many of us needed.
All this jazz about brain chemicals is just as much a distraction. Just another "intelligent excuse". It can be harder for you, and depression or other conditions can make things even harder, but buying into this intrinsic sense of this is what I am is what reenforces these traps.
Edit: You've since elaborated, but I'll let my original post stand. I agree with you much more now!
Earlier quoted context omitted.
A lot of social technique advice is useless because anyone with a reasonable amount of intelligence would discover it themselves, provided they have the right brain chemicals for naturally spending a lot of time around people, which obviously most of the people who don't already do that don't. The first step in a realistic guide would be something about how to overcome or change one's inner nature. If you wanted to h…
As someone who needed this advice thread in my youth, i have to heartily disagree with you. Projecting my own experience here: > anyone with a reasonable amount of intelligence ...can talk themselves into feeling apprehensive about pretty much anything. Not advice for OP necessary, but getting out of your head is definitely advice many of us needed. All this jazz about brain chemicals is just as much a distraction. J…
If you need a nerdy framework to practice to do this (I sometimes do), then Clean Language Questions are a good one.
Also, look at breath exercises for anxiety. Prof Huberman’s youtube channel has some.
1. Join a bunch of clubs that interest you. Go consistently. Join clubs that you might enjoy but improve your social skills (acting, improv, debate, etc). Don't just hang out with the same people all the time. 2. Treat being social as a skill. Schedule time that you go out and force yourself to speak to people you don't know. Learn to care less about what others think of you, and learn to accept rejection. 3. Learn t…
No matter how clever you are, feeling at ease around people takes some practice. I used to be considered super extroverted, but now after the lock-downs, I also feel a bit awkward inside. So pick an event that might be interesting - any event really - and go there. Try to spend 1 hour without staring at your phone and instead look at what's going on, what other people are doing, and what you could do.
Also #3. You'll be surprised at how little what you say actually matters, as long as you are generally friendly, attentive, listen to them, and are halfway hygienic. Most people are so worried about what you might think about them that they barely have time to form an opinion about you.
At that event, there will probably be other people that are lonely, too. You'll need to divide them into 2 groups: a) they are alone because they are difficult to talk to, or in a bad mood b) they are alone because they are in a similar situation as you So if you see anyone that is alone, makes eye contact, and seems friendly, just talk to them.
"I went here alone because I was so curious about X but everyone else already had plans. Why did you come?"
Extra credits: Try to start your questions with Why or How. It gives the other person an opportunity to talk about something unrelated, if they want to.