Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 162 posts

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#131

Post by bachmeier »

caprock wrote: post #110
throwaway_32u10 wrote: post #98

OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…

Great followup and details. Your introspection sounds like you're on the right path for evolving and making progress. There is no silver bullet here (at least in my own experience). Your three priorities (if I understood correctly), sound like your health, relationship, and independent business. This really does seem like a good track. In fact, having such clarity of priorities puts you ahead of many people. The only…

> Your three priorities (if I understood correctly), sound like your health, relationship, and independent business. This really does seem like a good track.

Have to disagree. The first post said "I get scared when I realize that this is my life for the next 30-40 years." You don't write something like that unless your life is out of whack relative to how you want to live.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#132

Post by macspoofing »

tedivm wrote: post #42

I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…

>I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children.

You're outright stating OP is suffering from depression ("clearly depressed"). How is that assessment any better? In fact, it's probably worse because that's a clinical judgement.

In terms of the general advice that he build a family - how is that wrong or 'insane'? OP is looking for some kind of purpose or meaning in their life and coding isn't cutting it, and neither is building a tech startup, or travelling, or exercising. It just so happens that being part of a family and being responsible for their welfare has provided purpose for much of humanity throughout our existence. At the very least, it gives you a solid reason why you should get out of bed (the kids need to eat, they need to be taken to school, etc.). Why is that advice unreasonable?

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#133

Post by macspoofing »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #89
onemoresoop wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think people are recommending having children as a solution to solve any problems. It is simply a big life decision that changes perspective a lot. It also makes dealing with boring drudgery a lot more tolerable. It brings meaning to people who lost it. Parenting is an important stage in life after all.

None of this is universal.

It's universal enough. There are people who are not cut out for having a spouse or children - they are a minority.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#134

Post by rlue »

antisthenes wrote: post #120
rlue wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. But if you take this irreversible life choice that lots of people actually regret, I sincerely feel that you are likely to see the light.” People shouldn’t have kids to soothe their existential malaise; they should have kids because they actually want to devote their lives to nurturing another living thing. They are not a prop for your personal growth. This is really, really…

> P.S. You being out here responding to every single comment without hesitation and not reconsidering your position in the slightest is a sign of bad thinking. Funny. You make a snide remark to OP "Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong." and immediately follow it up with "here's this opinion I disagree with that is bad thinking, because they don't immediately change it based on a few comments from internet stranger…

You’re right; what I should have said was “everyone who disagrees with me is operating from a morally inferior value system!” but that’s not as pithy.

In case you’d prefer something more prosaic: there is a difference between stating a contrary position and implying that other people’s positions indicate a defective worldview from which they should seek to free themselves. Or, more simply, there’s a difference between attacking a point and attacking a person.

I would also add that your last point is a bit of a straw man. I can scarcely clarify except by restating my point: spamming a thread with kneejerk retorts instead of taking the time to reflect on someone’s criticism is a dialectical red flag.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#136

Post by silverquiet »

DagsEoress wrote: post #116
silverquiet wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was raised Catholic but lost the belief quite young. Not to be an edgy atheist, but it was basically lost along with Santa. I probably spent a decade trying to believe, but to no avail. I think having a chronic pain condition from a young age probably makes it difficult to believe in any sort of loving force in the world, and then a few observations about the way people who say they follow these religions actually…

I'm sure I don't have to explain Christian theology to you. It's very sad that you have to go through this physical pain, as well losing faith as a result. As for people who say one thing and do something else. People are fallen and hypocrites. I myself an still trying to do better, but I realize I'm still full of anger. I hope to better myself eventually. Out of curiosity; did your spiritual life end with Christiani…

I stopped seeing anything as much as a unified Christian theology long ago and now I doubt that any two people sitting next to each other in a pew are even really worshipping the same god; god is merely an idea that each individual holds in their head. I think whatever part of the brain that allows one to believe in the supernatural is simply missing from me, but I wish I was capable of believing.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#138

Post by DagsEoress »

silverquiet wrote: post #136
DagsEoress wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sure I don't have to explain Christian theology to you. It's very sad that you have to go through this physical pain, as well losing faith as a result. As for people who say one thing and do something else. People are fallen and hypocrites. I myself an still trying to do better, but I realize I'm still full of anger. I hope to better myself eventually. Out of curiosity; did your spiritual life end with Christiani…

I stopped seeing anything as much as a unified Christian theology long ago and now I doubt that any two people sitting next to each other in a pew are even really worshipping the same god; god is merely an idea that each individual holds in their head. I think whatever part of the brain that allows one to believe in the supernatural is simply missing from me, but I wish I was capable of believing.

That's very interesting. But if two people are friends with a person, don't they have a different view of that same person? They might be friends with a different idea / perspective of that person, but it is still the same person.

It might not mean much to you, but I'll pray for you. I wish you the best!

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#139

Post by trog »

macspoofing wrote: post #132
tedivm wrote: post #42

I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…

>I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. You're outright stating OP is suffering from depression ("clearly depressed"). How is that assessment any better? In fact, it's probably worse because that's a clinical judgement. In terms of the general advice that he build a family - ho…

> How is that assessment any better?

Because it's easy to not know what the signs of depression are, and once it has been flagged as a possibility, it's easy to simply go to a doctor for professional evaluation.

> Why is that advice unreasonable?

Why is "just be part of a family? And if you don't have one already, just go make one!" unreasonable, you're asking?

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#140

Post by swat535 »

rambojohnson wrote: post #30
recursivedoubts wrote: post #10

Get married and have children. For time immemorial that is what your ancestors have done. It will not make you happy as you currently conceptualize it, but it will add purpose (and much suffering, as always comes with purpose) to your life. It is what you are designed to do.

are you serious? this nuclear family cliche is terrible advice and would only make one feel even more stuck. ludicrous lol

Having a family is now a cliche..? OP gave his opinion like everyone else and his position is just as valid. Ultimately having a family and children gives most people purpose in life. I think exposing inclusive point of views can help him figure it out on his own.
Post reply on HN