I find i tend to be a bigger critic of my own work then anyone else is. 99% of the time just find it of a way of improving
Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
131–140 of 653 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#132I take it personally, as it is. It is not generic feedback for everyone, it is personal feedback towards me.
In order not to get upset or bogged down by feedback i start with saying: thank you. Then I try to remind myself of how careful I try to be when providing feedback to others and/or how hard it can be at times.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#133At the beginning of my career when I was out to prove myself, I took my job so seriously that my sense of personal self-worth was intricately tied up with the quality of my work. After a particularly disappointing experience that knocked me off my horse for a while, I concluded that putting some distance between my career and the subjective experience of my place in the world was essential to my mental health.
I try to be mindful that the relationship between my work and my person / identity is one of many such relationships in life, and maybe even not the most important one. I think that mindset makes it easier to accept criticism or even to reject it when I think it is irrelevant, misguided, or malicious, as unfortunately workplace criticism can sometimes be.
If your work is being fairly criticized, it's an opportunity to learn and grow. Take it as a compliment that someone actually cared enough about your professional development to offer advice on how to be better. It means they already think that you're good and worthy of improvement. On the other hand, be willing to accept the possibility that that criticism is not actually constructive but intended specifically to make you feel guilty or ashamed. Unfortunately, some people are just petty, small-minded, and manipulative, and will do anything to make you feel small in order for them to feel big.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#134At some point, I realized that there's a disconnect between "me" and "my work". My work is a result of circumstance, like, what my mood was when I did it, how well I know the particular domain, if I've seen solutions to similar problems before, what tools were available and understandable to me at the time. In other words, the quality of my work depends much more on what the particular task was, than on some inherent…
Do you have a hard rule against saying sorry? I apologize not for the mistake in my work, but for wasting other people's time and mental bandwidth.
This is a... tough question to answer. Do I apologise? Yes. Is it a sincere apology for wasting time? Not really.
I can explain better with examples.
"Sorry for wasting your time with this mistake," feels very formal and isn't really applicable in most cases. It would be more appropriate if, say, I'd made a mistake, not owned up to it, and the lack of accountability has a negative impact.
"Ah shit, that's totally broken. Sorry, that was my bad!" is more what I'd do and it's a lot less formal. I'm not really apologising or feeling any remorse. I didn't do anything immoral, here. What I'm really saying with "sorry" is "I am accountable for making this mistake and I will commit to fixing it."
I hope this helps clarify the different meanings.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#135At some point, I realized that there's a disconnect between "me" and "my work". My work is a result of circumstance, like, what my mood was when I did it, how well I know the particular domain, if I've seen solutions to similar problems before, what tools were available and understandable to me at the time. In other words, the quality of my work depends much more on what the particular task was, than on some inherent…
George Lucas said that "you make a movie, given the circumstances". I really like that idea because it makes it immediately clear that your ideal of what you want to do, create, etc. Will change because of the chaos and unpredictability around you.
This is funny because he is the most infamous movie maker for changing movies over and over and over and over and over again (Star Wars). He took "given the circumstances" very liberally. Or another reading that "you make a movie" which never ever ends.
https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_changes_in_Star_War...
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#136In art school, we spent a lot of time learning how to give and receive critiques, because the fastest way to improve was to try frequently and critique often.
You learn very early to divorce your ego and sense of self from your artworks and embrace every attempt as an opportunity to improve towards an ideal you can never reach.
You also learn how to give meaningful criticism without being an asshole.
Writing code is very much the same.
Unfortunately, most software engineers haven't been to art school and have no formal training in how to give and receive useful feedback.
I recommend reading Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking. It's a good book that helps you build a healthy mindset towards growing as a creative:
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Fear-Observations-Rewards-Artmaki...
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#137Byron Katie's work helps me to figure out what I believe. Beliefs are usually what's triggering the upset, which then triggers the dumb talking
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#138Good input from others about not identifying with your work, and trying to see your colleagues’ inputs as part of the process of creating something better together.
I would add a few things. At work, try to contribute to a culture of not referring to work or ideas as being “owned” by a specific person. This can reduce prestige. For example, avoid “Molly0’s PR” and prefer “The PR molly0 opened”. It’s in everyone’s interest that the PR is as good as possible. The person who opened it hopefully didn’t do so for their own personal satisfaction, but because it contributes something important to the codebase.
What I find most challenging is when discussing different points of view on a subject, rather than eg fixing obvious mistakes. That is, if two people have very different ideas about how best to approach a problem, and start to argue about which approach is better. It can quickly turn personal and prestigious if you only point out perceived flaws in the opposing suggestion. Try to see the different perspectives openly and again, avoid thinking of competing ideas as a competition of people.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#139Years back I worked with a senior guy whose motto was “feedback as a gift“. At that time in that company, most people pretended that feedback was important and something they wanted to engage with, but he was the only person I knew who genuinely lived the concept: he would request feedback briefly from everyone in virtually every interaction, irrespective of the relative levels of seniority.
Anyway, this effectively flicked a switch in my brain. Pretty much overnight I went from finding feedback personal and awkward and even offensive, to feedback being something positive and helpful. I think that actively wanting and requesting feedback, rather than grudgingly receiving it, puts you on the front foot psychologically, and after a while, it becomes second nature.
So that’s my advice: decide that you want feedback, then live it. Go out of your way to actively solicit feedback, and make a habit of regularly giving feedback in a constructive fashion.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#140Clearly, people that don’t appreciate my work must be misguided. I feel sorry for them more than anything…