Every good day leaves regrets of the past further behind.
Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
131–140 of 277 posts
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#132I am over 50 now. I started programming when I was about 10 years old and (probably not coincidentally) I made a career out of programming. I am pretty good at coding and I still love it. Yet, when I look back at those teenage years spent in a room behind a computer screen I feel pangs of regret as well. Before I met my first computer and fell madly in love, I used to read, draw, write, collect stuff, play outside a…
One way I have looked at it is in terms of those 'Memento Mori' wall calendars [0]. There are only ~45 July Saturday nights in your 'youth' (14-25). There are only ~80 Christmases and Thanksgivings. You only get ~2 more years of total time with your parents. ETC.
You can only take your memories with you, if we're judged at all it's by how we treated others, and the only real high score in life is the number of people you could recognize that are at your funeral.
[0] https://stoicreflections.com/products/memento-mori-life-cale...
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#133Spending a lot of time worrying about the past is just as much of a waste.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#134I have something of a counterpoint. I've been coding since I was 5 and I look back and wish I had spent time playing more games; I didn't and I missed out on some defining years which you probably had, and are probably taking for granted. I don't regret that however, instead it's something to learn from, and I now attempt to find a balance between all of them. Don't compare yourself to others, only that if you realiz…
Came here to say something similar and I was actually in a similar situation to OP. Was a 23 year old who felt I had wasted too much of my life already - had watched some sitcoms twice through already and while others had been programming for the last 10 years, I had been playing guitar. So what did I do? I swore off everything that wasn’t going to be “productive,” sold my guitars, and tried to spend every minute of…
Amazing story. Thanks for sharing. The bit about the girlfriend moving out and wanting to talk to you, but you had to work instead… is something out of a song or novel. Since you’re a musician, I encourage you to write lyrics about that and build a song around it. It’s gut-wrenching.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#135And if only you played more guitar, you'd be a rockstar. More sports, a sports star. It's unfair to yourself to compare yourself to icons, very few people can be a legend.
Most people are trying to figure out their career around your age. Many will change careers again later. Instead of comparing yourself against the top 0.01% you should focus on incremental self-improvement. Take on a project, complete it, release it. Get feedback, identify gaps and try and close them. Purposeful improvement over time will eventually outpace any amount of random tinkering as a child. And don't focus self-improvement solely on your career, grow your life skills, get a hobby.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#136First and foremost, take a deep breath. I'm in a very similar position that you are (23 y/o, interest in CS, for-longing the time spent on fruitless efforts) which I hope brings you some relief. What I've learned is that aspiring to focus every moment to a point is a fools errand. Time will escape you in which case, congratulations you've just had fun! I've also learned that dwelling on actions past almost never results in better future action. Ask yourself if what you do now is of benefit to future goals and move from there. There are no refunds.
But that time was spent making you there person you are today. The skills, perspective, and ambitions that grew from what you "wasted so much of my life on" makes you whole. Learn to accept that because there is no goal oriented outcome that will relieve you. Today you lament leisure and not study, tomorrow you reverse.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#137Action and inaction is a choice.
23 is a great time to realize this. I did too around 23. It’s hard to know what to spend time on and what to value in our 20s.
I used to game 8-12 hours a day no problem.
I realized it might be more interesting to build worlds for others to participate in instead of participate in the worlds others have created. Beyond comp sci, that’s what really got me going into getting better at creating experiences which create beginners and ultimately scales.
It might hard to remember, but there was little to no social media for John Carmack to play in the late 90s like there is today, it helps with focus.
It’s important to focus on creating and not consuming.
Here’s what I remember for me. I don’t game at all anymore. I bought a PS5 and it’s still in the box.
If you are down a few rabbit holes it’s important that it’s been recognized because you can choose to break the cycle. It might be helpful to reset and disconnect by deleting all your distractions to let the attention span and dopamine hunting brain.
Your experience consuming the creations of others whether it’s games or social will not be a waste because it has set you up to understand what is engaging. If you start creating, what you think is obvious will not be to other software and product folks. There are transferable skills.
Sometimes trying is scarier than doing. Just start. Just try. Just for 5 minutes at first and it will build from there as you not always stop after 5 minutes.
Learn how to learn, stumble your way along, ask for help, and help someone a few steps behind you. Don’t take advice from someone who hasn’t done what you’re trying to do and don’t give advice on what you haven’t done yet. It’s all a distraction from creator time.
For some, time is only useful if you are creating for the sake of creating and learning from it.
You might find a book like Deep Work by Cal Newport interesting.Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#138Essentially a religious or faith question.
There's infinite things you can imagine. Infinite decisions you made and didn't make. Let yourself imagine good things. If you commit to these imaginations, solemnly and gratefully let yourself be corrected by your own logic.
You're not alone in this feeling and yet your future is not decided. Everyone longs to imagine the future so they could bend it their advantage. Same with the past. In the end, it's not up to you entirely. Forgive.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#139Recognise that the time you spend worrying about years wasted on pointless things is itself wasted on a pointless thing, and just get on with what you want to do.
Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?
#140The thing to realize here is that these "legendary developers" grew up in a time where the MOST addicting thing to do was write programs on a screen or read books. There was LITERALLY nothing more exciting to do.
No games, no good tv/phones, and no social media.
And my theory was (essentially) confirmed when John Carmack tweeted[0] about how he avoids distractions in the present day. So it's safe to assume he would've struggled with distractions just like we did growing up (if said distractions existed at that time).
Point being, don't stress too much. We grew up in a different time. At a young age, we just didn't know any better. At least now you are more aware and can make better decisions.