I see. Looking at these comments the problem exist only when the woman is the one making more money. Otherwise is “our money”. Sometime women like sexism
Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
131–140 of 210 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#132> This arrangement kind of worked until it came time to use that rainy day funds and she started feeling that we were spending her money.
someone could also feel like having a divorce and filling up that warchest...
I'm married only for a few years, but I have some observations; money is a touchy subject, it is a big part of marriage and I think in the past the assets of partners were a decisive factor on whether the marriage could take place or not.
today, we live differently, but the nature of people has not changed, resources are vital and in case of disproportionate balance, in this case money wise, issues are sure to come up sooner or later...
I guess you will need to find a way to get on her level, or provide something to the marriage of equal value, or go solo and fill up that warchest...
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#133In general, we each contribute an equal fraction of our income to a joint account. That money is "team money", from which money then flows to "team savings" and investment accounts. If we make an expenditure out of the team accounts, it gets authorized by both of us, either explicitly (for big stuff) or through an enduring understanding (like groceries). Non-team money lives in individual accounts, for the individual…
If you or your spouse don’t always agree on purchases the other makes, this is the way to go. Having just a single joint account only works well if both of you are always on the same page about everything you purchase, but many (most?) couples are not like this. It’s great to be able to blow money on something your spouse would consider stupid or frivolous without needing to come to a consensus on it. I once asked a…
My wife and I have “personal” accounts that are really joint accounts. I lol at some of the things she buys, but it’s “her” money. We are free to take money from each other, and it doesn’t usually lead to an argument or anything. I’d rather just take or have her take money she needs rather than trying to present a reason for borrowing it, especially when the other person may not be in the best position to hear why you need 20 bucks, when you need 20 bucks.
Being able to see what the other person is spending money on though is super helpful. I know what monthly expenses my wife has, and she knows what I have, allowing us to you know, have a single Netflix account instead of two separate accounts.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#134We are a family and a team. We need money, we need someone taking care of the kids. Who cares who does what. It doesn't work if we miss one part. No part is superior
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#135Why do all of these smart, mathy STEM folk on HN have such imprecise takes on this topic? 1 account for both of you, filled proportionally to your incomes until your monthly expenses are covered + any savings you agree on. This is for rent, food, vacations, childcare, etc. You make more than your partner? Tough, you joined them in the equal partnership known as marriage. 1 account for each of you, for everything else…
How do you even measure "contribute equally to household duties"? once you open a door to inequality in a marriage it's a slippery slope, next the higher earner can rent a cleaning help for their half of the work letting the other one do their work alone...
Socialism, you do what you can and get what you need, might not work great on large scale bu I do think it should be used at a family scale.
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#136Marriage is 50/50, no?
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#137Our general division of labor is that I'm responsible for earning money and my wife is responsible for spending it. It works for us.
Marriage is a Workshop. Husband works, wife shops :)
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#138When we were younger we used to have 1 joint account, and then we each had a personal account. For rent, groceries, etc, we used the joint account to which we both pooled a percentage of the salary.
Later on as we grew older, got married, that kind of stopped. We don't have her salary or my salary, we have our salary.
I guess it depends on people, on couples, on relationships. What works for us may not work for others. We're a team, we pool in everything we both get, we have goals and objectives for the money and we allocate it as such. But we also spoil ourselves, if she wants to buy something she does, if I want to buy something I do. It doesn't matter for us because that's our money.
We used to be on the same level, till last year, she now earns 3x what I earn and it doesn't matter. It's not "oh i make more than you so you should do more things around the house" but rather "we make more now, so we can do more, travel more, etc".
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#139It’s weird to be married and imagine a scenario where my wife and I are arguing hers vs mine. I make approximately 4x more than my wife and we treat all money as shared. Bills are paid from a shared checking and if she wants to buy something she’s more than welcome to. I think one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is being financially aligned. My wife and I are both similarly frugal so it works out…
We do the same, and always have, even before we were married.
It seems very old-fashioned for a married couple to have "mine and yours" in this day and age - I remember my grandparents doing that when I was a kid, and it even seemed old-fangled back then!
Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?
#140All shared expenses are divided based on salary % so expenses are more based on work time than salary
IE, Expense share = My salary / ( her salary + my salary)
To make this doable, we have a shared account, from which all shared expenses are paid (mortgage, food, holidays, anything that can be construed as shared)
So if one person earns 8000 euros a month and the other 2000, the split is 80/20. If we need 100 euros in the account, one pays 80, the other 20
That way, when we go for a nice dinner, it's the same value for both of us. It costs us both 1%, or 1h of work etc.
Savings are private but property is in her name, to offset for gender inequality in general life security.
Context: We're not married, are reasonably young (40/35), have been together a while (8 years, have good conflict resolution skills and plan to have a kid next year. I get paid dramatically more than her but honestly she works harder than me. I work in tech she works in literature.
We plan to move to phase two soonish, of paying salaries into the join account and getting spending money in our checking accounts. Having private accounts is useful for making sense of finances, just in terms of I can double check my own spending list without having to run it by her.
I'm into the single pot idea, but need to figure out how to do proper checks and balances incase we separate at some point. There need to be guards in place working against systemic gender equality, but I also don't want to screw myself over. Having a written agreement about what savings belong to whom is more important when we have joint savings. Things bias towards being in the guys name, so the danger of a simple shared pot verbal agreement is that there is large wiggle room for me to claim everything in a breakup. Hence putting property in her name.