Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

To take this a step further, we cannot control the regulation of our neurotransmitters to the degree of giving a person with autism social skills. That's just not how things work, so in a way it IS a bit fixed. We are fixed to the range of what we are born with, unless we use some sort of pharmacological intervention.

When it comes to autism and social skills, some interesting treatments may come from mu-opioid receptor agonists and antagonists

Doing 3 minimum wage jobs throughout school taught me a lot. Worth a shot.

The book is a bit dated, but it really has some good nuggets in there. My biggest take-away is that people really only want to talk about themselves (and being genuinely interested is a great way to get them to talk).

There was a story in the book about a guy who went to a dinner party and sat next to some other lady and let her talk. When asked about the guy the next day, she said he was the most interesting person she ever met - and he never told her anything about himself, just let her talk about herself.

I had a similar experience. I spent a few years in a more social setting with normies (not tech folks). It wasn't this, but think of a gym trainer who works with people in small groups. That is, it isn't 1:1, but it's small and personal, and you see mostly the same folks regularly. It was super challenging for me, a tech nerd introvert who has a hard time carrying on a conversation. But I really am genuinely interested in people, and that really helped.

When I met someone, I'd always ask what they do or something like that. And no matter what someone says, I always have a question about some detail of their job that 1) I'm genuinely interested in and 2) no one ever would think to ask about. People just light up when you ask a question like that. There was a truck driver who came in, and I asked how the shifting works in a big rig (yes, there are you tube videos that will show you that, but talking to someone about it is more interesting). There was a nurse and I asked how she managed visiting a ton of patients over a shift. If a tech nerd came in, I had enough back ground to ask a technical question, not the typical boring stuff that other people ask. The key is to find something that I was interested in (easy for me) that related to a detail of their life. People love to talk about themselves. Don't pepper them with questions like it's an interrogation, just try to learn about them.

I once heard someone talking about me outside of the group about how "smart" I was because I could talk to anyone about anything. That's not true, I let them talk and I just learned about their life. It just gave the impression that I knew a lot (like the guy at the dinner party who was "interesting"). I'm no longer in that job anymore, but I still hang out with many of the clients as real friends now because of the connections we made.

I think the other part of this is to consciously not talk about yourself. Since you're a human, you will really want to talk about yourself (just like everyone you meet!) and if you don't curtail it you will talk too much and not let them talk. But if you think about not talking about yourself, you'll just let enough slip that it won't feel one-sided. That is, if it feels two-way to you, it's probably more one-way you talking to them too much. But if it feels like you're not contributing much, then it will feel like a real two-way conversation to someone else. This doesn't mean be awkwardly silent or avoid talking or answering any of their questions, that would come off as weird. Just try to feel like you're not saying much, it will feel like the right amount to the other person.

Sorry for the long post, I just identified with how you're feeling and I had a situation that turned it around for me, and I figured comment.

1) be genuinely interested in people 2) let them talk about about themselves

At least for me, most of the answers here lack understanding of what is the core of the issue (if you call it "issue" at all). We skip learning many things we are not interested in. Or when we have subtle negative feelings about situations we encounter in there. If you have these, maybe it's worth finding the exact reason why. The reason may be very simple and very revelaling at the same time. If you don't, you're probably just not interested in humans, which is okay. It may close some doors though, but if you have a goal behind them, it will be a motivating factor. Methods are just that - methods. Nothing happens without motivation, and mostly nothing happens in the light of demotivation. Identify the former, then identify the latter.

Firstly get over yourself, you have not contributed to real research you are tinkering with some toys. In fact your ridiculous arrogance is why probably why it's hard for you to make friends.