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Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#131

Post by allthenews »

Snackchez wrote: post #116
username77 wrote: post #84

I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.

1. Meet someone you're interested in via an online medium (tinder, bumble, POF, OKC, etc.) OR irl through social activities. 2. Go on a date. Follow KISS principle: evening time, grab a drink, socialize. Use FORD principle to create conversation. Test the waters with various topics of interests, talk about stuff that you find passionate (people usually gravitate to you if you speak passionately about something) 3. ??…

This comment comes off as intensely smug, from someone who has little experience with difficulty in dating.

Things are not so simple. In fact, the very nature of social interaction is such that it cannot be preemptively, logically broken down and solved.

Many men have trouble getting past step 1 on the dating apps you list. The funnel of capture, so to speak, from message to response can be extremely wide, both on and offline.

Of course, I believe I am describing the perspective of a male.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#132

Post by phyalow »

_sword wrote: post #114

Pivoting my career and figuring out how to enjoy life again. I’ve been working on Wall Street for the past 4-5 years in a front office role and am apparently good at what I do, though I don’t find the work fulfilling or interesting. I’m strongly considering going back to school to focus on more technical fields where I believe my passion lies, but it’s a daunting task when I also have career prospects with my current…

I was in a very similar spot last year. I pivoted back to school and have 0 regrets, good luck.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#133

Post by tjungblut »

criddell wrote: post #105
mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

Mid-life crisis? How do you feel about Corvettes?

Also drifting towards my 30's and bought a Jaguar last year. It's a ton of fun and I can only recommend it to counter adulthood insecurities.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#134

Post by JimboOmega »

Getting excited about my career.

I keep getting in a loop where I feel like I can't grow and the challenges aren't there, so my work performance starts to slacken, which in turn is used to justify giving me the same tasks again. Eventually I burn out and get a new job, which I'm excited about for about a year, before it becomes clear that what was promised me in terms of opportunity and advancement isn't going materialize any time soon. Then I start to slack again. I do average work and remain in the same spot. Someone else gets the promotion I thought I was going to, I get more bitter, and try even less. Then the loop repeats.

Some of this is cultural, but a lot of it is me. I really struggle to maintain motivation and it shows. Especially when someone junior to me (in terms of experience overall, though usually at the company longer) who hates managing gets promoted to leading the team. At that point, I kind of check out.

As a result I never establish myself enough to be in the position to actually get promoted, and just seem to cycle every 2 years.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#135

Post by C1ph3rL0ck »

newfie_bullet wrote: post #55

Procrastination - wanting to accomplish things (technical things - learn new language, stack, technology) in my head but not actually starting/completing them. I've tried to minimize my hobbies and whatnot so that I'm not being torn in too many directions but I guess I just aspire to do more software dev-type activities (in my head) but after a day job related to that I can't quite muster up the energy (default to FO…

I had been dealing with this myself. It took a lot of work but I managed to break out of my rut of self fulfilling procrastination. I always let myself be overworked until I had no time for the things I wanted to do. So it wasn't my fault I didn't do any of things I wanted to do.

But I managed to get myself straitened out at the end of last year and into this year. I got myself back on track, I've been reading a book a month, I study and passed my GRE, and I got into Grad School (classes just started a couple of weeks ago).

You can pull yourself out of what ever is stopping you, I believe in you.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#136

Post by JimboOmega »

etatoby wrote: post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

Is the dating/relationships thing more of a problem in the context of Japan, or just in general?

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#137

Post by patient_zero »

meguest wrote: post #28

OCD. Lately I've been struggling with what they call inflated responsibility. I typically ruminate that something I said, something I did, or something I did not say or do will have some large negative effect on some or something and that I will be responsible for it. It's immensely stressful to worry about. I'm seeing a therapist to work on my issues.

if you live in one of the states that allow it, consider looking at CBD oil. my co-worker who describes symptoms like yours and has been taking anxiety medication for years due to a TBI discovered it recently and called it a revelation.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#138

Post by tluyben2 »

dewey wrote: post #100
flatfilefan wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Move to a country like Norway or Germany where it doesn’t matter how much you make. Social security covers the basic and medical needs. Problem solved.

Living on the minimum amount of pension isn't as easy as it sounds, especially if you never had a well paying job. There are a lot of very poor old people that have to be supported by their families if possible or by smaller side incomes.

Nor is living on wellfare in one of those places, however, OP has a job and will have one there too. If is just the feeling of safety that if everything goes wrong, you and your family are covered no matter what. That takes away the healthcare and pension strssses. In the meanwhile nothing changes and he would be in the 95% there too; big pension. But no stress for ‘what if’ while getting there. It helps, I know, I am from the Netherlands and just the thought that you have a safety net is all that matters even though I will never use it.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#139

Post by iamthirsty »

frenchman_in_ny wrote: post #119

I feel like it's "everything" right now. Finding happiness. Impending divorce, possibly losing my kids, fighting with my soon-to-be-ex-spouse with regards to the kids education & where to live, how to make ends meet, etc. Being miserable with my career... It's a long list.

I know how you feel man — I'm in the same state. Not the same circumstances, but the struggle is all the same.

The only way out is through.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#140

Post by mrdependable »

newfie_bullet wrote: post #43
mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

Interested in knowing what the 'thing' is. Sounds like a good start tho.

Basically I'm scaling back my profit making in order to focus more on doing what I'm passionate about which doesn't have some monetary end goal. It's not practical, but provides a sense of fulfillment to me and will allow me to meet other people who are of a similar mind. I'll earn a lot less and won't have creature comforts like living with a view of the ocean, but that's just part of the tradeoff. My wife fully supports the decision.

I was raised around a bunch of conservative business owners where everything has an opportunity cost and spending time or money on something that has no tangible return value is considered silly. Not that there is anything wrong with that way of life, but it basically turns into a cycle of work, sleep, eat (which is what my life has been for the last couple years).

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