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Ask HN: How to be alone?

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Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#121

Post by sublinear »

Hnrobert42 wrote: post #19

1. This will be tough. That doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. 2. Growth is proportional to your willingness to be uncomfortable. 3. Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. 4. You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change. One of those stages is sadness. Again, that's okay. You will grow so m…

Before considering medication for mental health, I have to wheel out the usual old advice: sometimes it can be as simple as diet and exercise. The fundamentals really should not be overlooked when thinking about any medication for long term care.

I found out my anxiety symptoms were actually caused by my A1C being in diabetic territory (8%). High blood glucose has a direct impact on the brain and blood vessels. Random heart palpitations, breathing being off, etc. all lined up. I'm so thankful that my doctor had the experience and courage to tell me like it is and refused to believe it was anything truly serious. I brought it down to 5.5% in a few months and now have new cooking and eating habits for life. Too much alcohol can also lead to vitamin deficiencies (magnesium, potassium, zinc, etc. will need blood tests to confirm).

I kinda let myself go for a few years during the shift to remote work back in 2020. After I got back on track I even gained some muscle without weight loss and no longer have sleep apnea. Sleep quality and hydration are also important things that we forget when we are in a slump.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#122

Post by ed_balls »

You need to go through a proper grief. Cry, scream - the whole package. When the acceptance kicks in, try to find the root cause of what happen and why.

How was the relationship? Did you feel like the first 6–12 months were perfect, but then you started drifting apart and having arguments every week or two? Have you ever felt like you needed to record a conversation you had with your partner?

> great psychiatrist who has me on antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and mood stabilizers

Have you gone through a therapy with him?

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#123

Post by Smaug123 »

throw-qqqqq wrote: post #117
Smaug123 wrote: post #95

Only one passing mention of martial arts so far? Consider Brazilian jiu-jitsu, which is certainly not safe but is very grounding. After spending all your waking hours at a computer, grappling presses your soul back into your body. It's a very different kind of socialising, mutually-exhausted extremely-physical and in my experience very wholesome, even if the injury risk is higher than nearly every other hobby. (And y…

> Consider Brazilian jiu-jitsu, which is certainly not safe but is very grounding What :D? I would say BJJ is an exceptionally safe martial art in that you can spar at 90-95% and not get hurt at all. Muay Thai or boxing sparring gives you regular bruises in comparison. At least that’s my experience.

Sure, for a martial art it's pretty safe - still in a different league from (say) bouldering or lifting, though!

And in solo sports, you can almost completely set your own safety budget, whereas in martial arts there's a large irreducible lump of danger from "the other person lacks the control to do something safely". The only other person I know in person who does BJJ who I didn't meet at BJJ is a brown belt, and just got a four-month leg injury during a routine rolling session; I myself am only just over a five-month chest injury that was probably from someone very heavy simply throwing himself down on top of me when I didn't react in time (obviously he shouldn't have done that, but I can't control what other people do).

Also how on earth are you managing not to get bruises at BJJ?! My legs are covered in them after pretty much every session just from sustained pressure.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#124

Post by elorant »

Go to a cooking lesson, a dancing lesson, a climbing lesson, a music lesson or a whateverthefuck lesson. That’s like a dummy’s way to socialize and find some people to hung around.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#125

Post by kovek »

Trasmatta wrote: post #85
Hnrobert42 wrote: post #19

1. This will be tough. That doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. 2. Growth is proportional to your willingness to be uncomfortable. 3. Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. 4. You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change. One of those stages is sadness. Again, that's okay. You will grow so m…

> Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. It's not quite that simple. You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked. The reality is much more nuanced and complicated.

> You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked

Can you say more?

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#126

Post by grayrest »

I've spent years of my life absolutely alone; gone months without talking to another person. There isn't anything you'll do that will give you the emotional fulfillment of interacting with someone else.

As for living with yourself:

Find some sort of exercise you don't mind doing and make it non-optional. The goal isn't to go all out, just get your heart rate up for half an hour. You won't want to do it sometimes but you still have to go. You can do a crappy job at it and slack off for a day or two but you have to go out. For me this is riding a bike.

Otherwise it's good to be absorbed in something. It's not the same feeling but there is intrinsic satisfaction in learning / building / experiencing things.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#127

Post by CTDOCodebases »

Learn to be your best friend.

Understand that even though you are on medication you can still be depressed.

You just lost someone you loved. Someone who by the sounds of things was a joy to be around and share experiences with. Someone who helped give your life purpose and regulate your emotions.

A cynical way to look at it is that socialisation draws us out of our own minds and shifts our focus outwardly so we use it as an escape from our current mental state. So learn to be comfortable in your own mind.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#128

Post by throw-qqqqq »

Smaug123 wrote: post #123
throw-qqqqq wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Consider Brazilian jiu-jitsu, which is certainly not safe but is very grounding What :D? I would say BJJ is an exceptionally safe martial art in that you can spar at 90-95% and not get hurt at all. Muay Thai or boxing sparring gives you regular bruises in comparison. At least that’s my experience.

Sure, for a martial art it's pretty safe - still in a different league from (say) bouldering or lifting, though! And in solo sports, you can almost completely set your own safety budget, whereas in martial arts there's a large irreducible lump of danger from "the other person lacks the control to do something safely". The only other person I know in person who does BJJ who I didn't meet at BJJ is a brown belt, and ju…

Wow okay. Maybe my club is “gentle”, I’ve never had a single injury from BJJ.

I’ve had some from lifting weights.

I see your point about solo sports.

> Also how on earth are you managing not to get bruises at BJJ

Oh I get “finger marks” on the arms for sure, but never got a black eye or a nosebleed from BJJ. I got that quite regularly from boxing and muay thai/MMA training.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#129

Post by tasuki »

ed_balls wrote: post #122

You need to go through a proper grief. Cry, scream - the whole package. When the acceptance kicks in, try to find the root cause of what happen and why. How was the relationship? Did you feel like the first 6–12 months were perfect, but then you started drifting apart and having arguments every week or two? Have you ever felt like you needed to record a conversation you had with your partner? > great psychiatrist who…

> How was the relationship? Did you feel like the first 6–12 months were perfect, but then you started drifting apart and having arguments every week or two?

Not OP, but in a somewhat similar boat. Please don't assume they broke up. For example, my partner died.

Solid advice wrt going through grief btw.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#130

Post by gozzoo »

nephihaha wrote: post #20
ieie3366 wrote: post #11

Hit the gym a lot to find your inner peace. Both weightlifting and lots of zone2

Have to be careful with gyms. I injured my shoulder doing weights over twenty years ago and still have trouble with it.

This is a very lame excuse. You can do 100 different things without compromising your shoulder. Try cardio. Or just wight lifting with very light weights. Or group classes.
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