Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#121

Post by ryandrake » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:19 PM UTC

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

> 2. The gorilla in the room is that most adults can barely handle online media.

I think this is the huge one. Kids can spot hypocrisy easily. You can't convince a kid to not get addicted to social media if you yourself are addicted. Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit.

I do it by 1. not using social media and 2. when I do use my phone, set a good example by visibly using it for a specific purpose, putting it down after I'm done doing the task. Rather than just sitting there like a zombie scrolling and "consuming content." I'm deliberately trying not to normalize sitting there scrolling your phone, oblivious to the world around you. You can't hide this entirely because every time you go out into the world, you see adults everywhere zoned out mesmerized by their phones.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#122

Post by AstralStorm » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:19 PM UTC

NoMoreNicksLeft wrote: post #63

tokioyoyo wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If all of your peers are talking about the stuff they saw on YouTube, but you’re not allowed to, this will naturally make you an outcast in that topic. Now, if almost everything they talk about in the internet, and you cannot relate to it at all, it will hinder your interpersonal skills, because you just don’t talk to your peers. I hate how we got here, but watching my nephews go through this stuff made me realize yo…

>I hate how we got here, but watching my nephews go through this stuff made me realize you can’t cut the kids off completely. Mine are turning out fine. I don't want them to be like those other children, and I've kept them away from those children. Doesn't seem to have been a problem. >Ideally, you would live in a community where all parents have agreed on the social media limits, This is a matter of who you choose t…

Congratulations, you're raising future disgruntled outcast class of people who are not integrated with the society.

The next step is some canny asshole will take advantage of these people by selling them on their superiority or offering community, and radicalize them.

It's happened many times.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#123

Post by stephenhuey » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:20 PM UTC

ikiris wrote: post #66

ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

“Devices or accounts they should not have” Just because you think your kids should be limited to the Bible or no phones or no social media or no d&d or whatever arbitrary limits / moral panic you impose, does not extend those limits to other kids in any moral fashion. Those kids have full rights to have whatever they have and you are indeed the bad guy for your arbitrary limits if they are not common or inhibiting so…

Do you have children? We are not bad parents just because we prohibit our children from doing something that is a "common" practice for many other kids in our circles. As for inhibiting socially, do you realize that multiple major publications have just been putting out articles in the past month about adults isolating more than ever? If anything, social media is a contributing factor to that social decline. I'm grateful my kids are young, and were not born a decade earlier because many kids I know that were born around that time have suffered with smartphone access. These are not arbitrary standards--it is a widely understood problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#124

Post by AlexandrB » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:22 PM UTC

tokioyoyo wrote: post #50

Carrok wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you implying that children need social media to develop competency and communication skills?

If all of your peers are talking about the stuff they saw on YouTube, but you’re not allowed to, this will naturally make you an outcast in that topic. Now, if almost everything they talk about in the internet, and you cannot relate to it at all, it will hinder your interpersonal skills, because you just don’t talk to your peers. I hate how we got here, but watching my nephews go through this stuff made me realize yo…

> If all of your peers are talking about the stuff they saw on YouTube, but you’re not allowed to, this will naturally make you an outcast in that topic.

There were plenty of kids when I was in school who were not allowed to watch TV. Like at all.

The real problem is that kids also socialize online now so you can't talk about "that time you hung out at McDonalds" because everyone was sitting at home on their phone instead.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#125

Post by Mr-Frog » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:22 PM UTC

AstralStorm wrote: post #81

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

This is way too slow and thus will be only effective in baiting your kids to try it early or harder. Or give them an anti-tech superiority complex which is counterproductive. I'd say you need to start actually explaining how things work on these more advanced platforms immediately, as well as healthy patterns in use so they do not get sucked into it forever. And that these things are tools. It can be done ELI3, thoug…

> anti-tech superiority complex which is counterproductive

I didn't have a phone until significantly after my peers, so I used our family computer, Instagram's undocumented API, and a variety of SMS forwarding solutions to keep in touch with my friends, which I think definitely sparked my interest in hacking and a career in software.

I developed a superiority complex, but it was more anti-conformity and pro-hacking than anything.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#126

Post by AstralStorm » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:22 PM UTC

nofunphil wrote: post #59

Going thru this now with an 11 yo and 14 yo. It’s a non-stop, swash-buckling battle to get them to put down their phones and do literally anything IRL. Their attention has been completely hijacked, their childhood robbed from them, and I feel like it’s pretty much a total parent fail on my part. But it’s the same with all their friends too. Shameful and sad and just wrong At the risk of ridicule, I think we need to i…

Competing with free enjoyment is pretty hard, yeah. I'd recommend IRL friends going out, good time to try is a holiday or two.

Sports can also be reasonably fun. Kid parties are a thing. Etc.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#127

Post by stephenhuey » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:25 PM UTC

ryandrake wrote: post #121

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

> 2. The gorilla in the room is that most adults can barely handle online media. I think this is the huge one. Kids can spot hypocrisy easily. You can't convince a kid to not get addicted to social media if you yourself are addicted. Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. I do it by 1. not using social media and 2. when I do use my phone, set a good exampl…

My wife reminds me of this. And as you both pointed out, it's not just social media, but the algorithmically fueled addiction to endless content. A relative told me their teenagers have to use Chromebooks in middle school, and all quizzes and tests and homework are done on the computer. Not only that, but if they finish a quiz or test in the classroom, they're allowed to sit there and watch YouTube right there in the classroom until the period is over! When I was in middle school, that free time was precious to me because I used it to make a dent in my homework so I'd have less to do after school. It boggles my mind that school administrators would have no clue that kids should have not unfettered access to stuff like YouTube in school. As a guy who has to work on computers most of the time, I'm very grateful my childhood had plenty of analog time, and life in the great outdoors on a daily basis!

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#128

Post by AlexandrB » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:27 PM UTC

zht wrote: post #100

tootie wrote: post #82

My kids aren't interested but as far as I can tell it doesn't have a huge impact on kids. And I don't believe there's any convincing research to support it's dangers. I tell my kids to not believe everything they see online but that's about it.

what research have you done to lead you to the conclusion that it doesn't have a huge impact on kids?

Good question. I feel my smartphone having a huge impact on me. I don't get how kids would be somehow exempt.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#129

Post by asoneth » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:27 PM UTC

ozim wrote: post #62

scop wrote: post #29

Four thoughts: 1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find th…

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

> everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have

You can start the conversation with other parents at kindergarten pickup.

Each grade at our school has a pledge that kids & parents can sign to wait until eighth grade to let them have a smartphone. This can be as simple as a shared spreadsheet or a dedicated site like https://www.waituntil8th.org

My kids are still young but from what I've heard from families with older kids is that holding the line gets increasingly hard as they approach 8th grade. You have to be prepared to socially exclude families that let their underage children use smartphones or social media, the same way you wouldn't invite a family that lets their middle-schooler drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes to your kid's birthday party.

While you can never get everyone to agree to anything, as long as your kids have a critical mass of friends who don't have smartphones then not having one won't make them an outcast.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#130

Post by blackeyeblitzar » Tue, Jan 14, 2025, 9:27 PM UTC

scop wrote: post #112

blackeyeblitzar wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you do when other kids are on social media or have advanced devices early? Your own kids will get exposed to those and be upset that they don’t have the same things or the same access to social media. Maybe they’ll even create secret profiles and build a wall between themselves and their parents. I feel like it’s hard to keep society away from one’s own children.

First of all we foster a very strong community of likeminded friends from school, church, and other activities. We don’t all see eye to eye on every little thing, but we have generally the same goal. Second of all is that we talk to our kids about it, we try and make these things a conversation. FWIW we were homeschooling for quite awhile but they now go to a school that has a No-Phone policy.

Thanks. When you homeschool how do you create enough opportunities for social development?