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Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

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Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#121

Post by throwaway_32u10 »

jeffreyrogers wrote: post #103
throwaway_32u10 wrote: post #98

OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? I don't mean that in a rude way, but I think answering that will help you figure out what you're looking for. If the goal is just to build a business you could start a business like a McDonald's franchise that is pretty much guaranteed to work if you work hard enough. But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is…

Hey!

> Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel?

It wont.

But it will solve one aspect of (lack of) independence -- the soul crashing 9-5 and working with people. I don't want to go length into my view of the tech industry and how I consider most of it an inefficient cog machine mixed with human psychology, but getting rid of it by creating a business which can be run on it's own -- will improve my quality of life significantly.

For example: there is no logical sense at all to work 9-5, 5 days a week from Mo-Fr, in an office. By having my business I can train in the morning and then work 12 to 8. I can take Monday off (without asking for permission). I can work from home or cafe, or a park. I get to build the lifestyle I want rather than conforming to some 1890s factory idea of the 9 to 5.

Another example: there is no need to have 15 people teams with idiotic daily standups. By building my own business, I get to work with only myself (yay), and some other people to whom I can outsource things I'm not good at, and not waste time on idiotic corporate rituals.

And as for McDonalnds, well, I been in the tech industry for over a decade now. That's what I know. I don't know anything about store locations, managing staff and stock. Sure I can learn, but it's smarter to leverage my existing knowledge rather than starting from 0. And also a physical business means more exposure to working with other people, and a more typical hierarchical structure.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#122

Post by throwaway_32u10 »

snozolli wrote: post #108

I felt very trapped. In the US, there were only a handful of tech hubs, and realistically I could only find work in the Bay Area and Seattle. The high cost of living meant I'd likely never be able to own a home unless I hit the startup lottery. Spending a month in Thailand and (especially) Cambodia gave me a lot more appreciation for how much I had. However, it also broke my interest in the American Dream. Seeing a g…

Hey! Thanks for the comment.

I've been in SEA and well as Central America. It does open your eyes a lot on how broken the western system is, and makes you appreciate what you have, more.

The problem is that, rather quickly, it goes away. You come back to your western part of the world, and you write posts like mine, where there are clearly people who have it worse. So thanks for reminding me about this.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#123

Post by adamredwoods »

Take a chance on something new in life. Take classes, it's a great way to try new things without dedicating too much time or money into something.

It's funny. I'm STRIVING to have this type of "boring" life, but instead, my life is tragic and a struggle at this moment. It's all about perspective. For me, the 9-5 and having capacity to do something outside of work seems like a luxury to me.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#124

Post by xboxnolifes »

thatswrong0 wrote: post #68
tedivm wrote: post #42

I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…

For real. The concept of “you have to love yourself before you can love others” is cliché but.. bringing kids into the world, that are a massive responsibility, I think should be a decision made with a full understanding of the work and love needed to do it right. How tf are you gonna have the emotional capacity for kids if you don’t have it even for yourself??

> How tf are you gonna have the emotional capacity for kids if you don’t have it even for yourself??

As a counterpoint, I always have more capacity to help others than I do myself.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#125

Post by nunez »

recursivedoubts wrote: post #47
pavel_lishin wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Get married and have children. This is terrible advice to someone you know virtually nothing about, other than the three paragraphs they chose to type out about themselves. The first part, fine, it only affects a consenting adult. But I always hesitate to cheerfully tell someone to go ahead and sign up for a minimum of 18 years of responsibility for a human being, a human being that you'll be responsible for moldin…

Nope. No one is telling them this because everyone is either scared to do so or is trapped in a hedonistic self-oriented conception of happiness. This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conce…

You don't need to produce children to have purpose. This advice is reckless.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#126

Post by adamredwoods »

thatswrong0 wrote: post #72
mchannon wrote: post #49

Call it being in a rut, or a funk, or getting the blues, but please don't say like prison unless you've experienced prison. What you're describing is close to the opposite of my experience in prison. Every day was one day closer to release, to being able to see and spend time with the people I cared most about. I saw dates on the calendar approach and looked forward to them. I never had much opportunity to be bored,…

Jeese louise being pedantic about the wording of a feeling is just completely lacking in compassion. This post isn’t about you. Good job making yourself feel better while belittling the struggles of someone else. “I had it worse than you and figured it out” just ain’t it dude. Same with “just be happy”

Life situations are all about individual perspectives, and I appreciate /mchannon's perspective. Besides, the OP posted in public, so all responses are valid, including non-sympathetic ones.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#127

Post by uhtred »

codr7 wrote: post #41
uhtred wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't that kind of selfish though? What if you have a child just to make yourself feel better and that kid goes on to have a shitty unhappy life wishing they'd never been born?

Why would you feeling better increase the odds of a child having a shitty unhappy life? Sounds like a pretty shitty excuse in my ears, sorry.

All the people in Auschwitz could have had happy parents but a lot of them probably wished they'd never been born. Life is hard. Really hard sometimes.

Forcing a child to go through it all just to give your own life meaning? Totally selfish.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#128

Post by onemoresoop »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #89
onemoresoop wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think people are recommending having children as a solution to solve any problems. It is simply a big life decision that changes perspective a lot. It also makes dealing with boring drudgery a lot more tolerable. It brings meaning to people who lost it. Parenting is an important stage in life after all.

None of this is universal.

What is?..

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#129

Post by pavel_lishin »

throwaway_32u10 wrote: post #98

OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…

> For me, depression is a chemical imbalance, rather than a state of laziness/sadness/lost in life. Even if I have something like this, I won't take medication.

Depression is a chemical imbalance which is experienced as a state of sadness/lost in life.

How do you think people with depression subjectively feel, if not the way you feel right now?

And if you believe that this illness is a form of chemical imbalance, why not take medication? Surely you'd take medication if you had cancer, or a toothache, or a vitamin D deficiency?

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