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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#121

Post by derwiki »

A few months after kiddo was born, partner and I started doing weekly “appreciation”/“retro” session. It’s like a low key date night at home. Fire pit, marshmallows, background music. We start with just appreciation for each other for things over the last week. Then. We move into what went well. And conclude with what could go better, and where we want to concentrate effort. This weekly ritual has been our best way to deal with all the changes.

after the first three sessions, it was clear sleep training was the biggest problem for us, and we had “data” to prove it. That led us to pediatrician appt which led us to Ferber method which worked miracles! for 3 months haha. I anticipate too many night feedings being the next retro focus.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#122

Post by wingtw »

dctoedt wrote: post #113

Something I wish I'd learned much sooner: From birth, be unfailingly patient, warm, and loving with the little bugger, no matter how frustrated you might be feeling. Matter-of-factly communicating unhappiness with him* is fine, but never, ever get angry with him — when he's "misbehaving," talking back, etc., it's because his brain and its "programming" are still developing and he doesn't have nearly as much control a…

On top of that VERY correct advice - agree with your sign other to take such loads separately - as one can take over if another feels it gets too much. And do communicate it! Say, hon, i cant take it any more, please take over. And tell her to do the same. And might want to have some earbuds or smth to calm down afterwards and be ready to repeat - as sometimes (and with some kids) it takes a while

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#123

Post by thirtyfivecent »

sparrish wrote: post #114
Freak_NL wrote: post #60

Not mentioned here yet, as this should be a no-brainer to most people, but if you're American and it's a boy: don't start his life by cutting of a perfectly good piece of penis (i.e., circumcision). That's his call, optionally (but probably not, rare medical conditions excepted) later in life. Don't do it just because the cornflakes guy said so. If you're going to do that anyway because of religion you won't be convi…

To offer the not-so-rare medical condition story, my wife and I were house-parents at a children's home and one of the 10-year old boys was having recurring infections because of poor hygiene habits. After the second time in the hospital to deal with it, the Dr. decided circumcision was the best course forward. The pain and discomfort that poor boy went through as he recovered is something I'd never wish on anyone. I…

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#124

Post by seanicus »

When in hospital bring EVERYthing you'd bring on a trip + more. Due to lockdowns I was unable to get an Advil without being admitted to the hospital - which would separate me from the maternity ward. Refillable water bottle above all else.

The first 6-15 months are truly hell. Doctors call the first 3 months 'the third trimester,' which is apt because that baby could not be more livid about being pulled out of the womb. Go watch the Gitmo scenes in The Card Counter if you want an idea (mostly joking about that but it truly sucks).

But everything improves by .05% every day from day one and eventually (around 12 months for us) you look around and realize that you've entered the greatest time of your life.

But those first months suck.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#125

Post by derwiki »

uniqueuid wrote: post #97
HL33tibCe7 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everyone should listen to the advice of their doctors. But I just thought I’d point out that the evidence that unconditionally finishing an entire course of antibiotics actually is necessary turns out to be very poor: https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418 If you think about it, it doesn’t really make sense. Prolonging an antibiotic course will increase, not decrease, the chance of organisms becoming resistant, an…

Thanks, I didn't know this. My doctors' unilateral stance was in favor of fixed treatment durations. The paper you linked reads more like an opinion piece to me (not my field, cannot judge), but it points to this meta-analysis [1] which supports your argument. Surprising that so few studies seem to exist on this link (~20 in the meta analysis). [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483949/

I don’t go to the doctor often, but after having a kid, WOW you will get wildly different “best practices” from different doctors. Try to not over index on one physician’s advice.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#126

Post by atomicnumber3 »

dctoedt wrote: post #113

Something I wish I'd learned much sooner: From birth, be unfailingly patient, warm, and loving with the little bugger, no matter how frustrated you might be feeling. Matter-of-factly communicating unhappiness with him* is fine, but never, ever get angry with him — when he's "misbehaving," talking back, etc., it's because his brain and its "programming" are still developing and he doesn't have nearly as much control a…

And at the same time, when you inevitably fail at the unfailing part, apologize to them and then just try to do better. Strive for unfailing, but also understand that you'll never achieve it while yet we are but mortal flesh.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#128

Post by denton-scratch »

* That they're not "blank slates". I thought that personalities were imposed by the parents, but that's not (on the whole) true.

* Don't smack 'em. The only purpose it serves is to assuage your rage. You don't have to use violence to teach kids about hot cookers and electrical sockets.

* Don't expect them to be like you. They won't; and especially as they enter their teens, they'll do their damnedest to be unlike you. That's supposed to happen, it's normal and good.

* Cook for them. Kids get to like what their parents feed them; if you can get them to like what you like, then you get to eat what you like, AND they'll be pleased as well.

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