Ask HN: What do you struggle with? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#121

Post by sloaken » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:01 PM UTC

etatoby wrote: post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

" I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable"

I had the same problem. I am sure you have heard this before"you regret what you do not do, not what you did". So SUCK IT UP, and get out there. After a few dates, you will thank me. But I agree the short term sucks, but it will be worth it.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#122

Post by Hydraulix989 » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:02 PM UTC

acconrad wrote: post #87

My relationship with money. I make more than like 98% of the population but my parents grew up middle/lower class so I'm just constantly worried about having enough for retirement, and having enough money for kids, and having enough money for their education, AND any possible illnesses/issues having seen families with health insurance crippled by things like cancer treatments. It seems like no matter what, I find mys…

I struggle with this too. People who grew up in more well-heeled upbringings always comment on how certain things I do aren't "worth my time" since I am so used to money being more valuable than time instead of the other way around. I spend hours optimizing for "small" bargains and cost savings like my peers do (out of necessity).

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#123

Post by roflchoppa » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:03 PM UTC

criddell wrote: post #105

mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

Mid-life crisis? How do you feel about Corvettes?

my uncle bought one in the 90's, someone totaled it the same week. I do have a couple 240z's, but im mid-20's. ha

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#124

Post by adamc » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:07 PM UTC

Depression, particularly since my wife of 28 years divorced me. It has gotten a lot better in recent months, but it's almost two years since she asked for the divorce.

And as I have turned to spiritual and mental health work to alleviate my depression, staying interesting in tech stuff. Although Racket and Rust look kind of fun.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#125

Post by 11235813213455 » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:08 PM UTC

I hate cigarette smoke, since at least 8 years, at the point of vomiting if I inhale it. My treatment against it is facing it, I do everything by bike, and hold my breath when needed (country=France)

My mom got a lung cancer recently, that won't really change my mind (she used to smoke)

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#126

Post by patient_zero » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:08 PM UTC

fandango wrote: post #107

Lack of (career) ambition. Because of a workaholic dad I sworn to myself to always choose an easy worklife. Take the easy path. Currently in a family with kids and a nice job, but I lack the motivation to really make a career. Sure it's a fun (programming) job with a lot of freedom. But I only do what is necessary, nothing more. Money is not an issue or driver for me. People may see me as lazy. Will I regret this? Al…

I firmly believe that society puts too much emphasis on the wrong aspect of our lives today. The fact you feel vaguely guilty for not being more driven to achieve at work is a symptom of this imho.

You have a family, a job you like, and a a work\home balance that allows time for videogames? sounds like you've won at life, friend. people have ambitions to get where you ARE.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#127

Post by some_account » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:08 PM UTC

username77 wrote: post #84

I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.

Don't use apps for dating unless you want to compete on appearance and you want some good looking but boring, superficial and uninteresting tinder person.

The only way to actually like someone, not just push a button that says like, is to spend time with them in real life.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#128

Post by tathougies » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:09 PM UTC

Odenwaelder wrote: post #15

I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.

Honestly, I think your mindset needs to change. Namely the mindset that having 'burdens' is bad. A burden is a responsibility that's unwanted. Credit card debt is a burden, because you are responsible to pay and you don't want it. Children are certainly a responsibility, but whether they're a burden depends on whether or not you want them. If you don't want them, then of course they're a burden. If you do want them, they are a responsibility, and wanted responsibilities are not burdens.

The opposite of an unwanted responsibility (a burden) is a wanted responsibility. Another word for wanted responsibility is investment. For example, the CEO of a startup has a wanted responsibility to make their company succeed. This is an investment that could pay off big time if they put in the work now.

Thus, whether children are a burden or investment is really up to your mindset.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#129

Post by drum » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:09 PM UTC

mo1ok wrote: post #113

Energy/productivity. I have the time to work on things, but after a day of work and an hour at the gym my brain just wants to go straight to reading, videogames, or laying down and relaxing. I'm struggling to consistently use those 5+ hours of free time every day for something that will move me further in life.

Maybe you're being too hard on yourself and expecting drastic results too soon. Day of meaningful work + gym consistently over an extended period of time will help further you in life. Reading can help further you in life (obviously pending what you read). Only thing I see up there that I'd consider as a time waster would be video games... but even then a few hours a week to unwind can't be all that bad. I think Steven Spielberg and Elon Musk are known to game from time to time

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#130

Post by LyndsySimon » Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 8:11 PM UTC

username77 wrote: post #84

I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.

I'm 34. I started dating my wife at 14, and married at 21. I have two kids now, 4 and 10.

It's stressful sometimes, but very much worth it for me.

Oh, and I have no idea how dating as an adult works. I've never done it!