Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#111

Post by shansense » Fri, Mar 14, 2025, 1:41 PM UTC

I've been an individual contributor and a manager as well. here's my simple guide to make the most of 1:1

1. Talk about getting a promotion (even if you don't want one) - this will help you get better regardless 2. Talk about 'taking over' some of your manager's work - perhaps temporarily while he/she is on vacation. (This indicates leadership) 3. Talk about doing something that makes you a 'world class X' (well at least you need to become the best at X in your company. If your manager can't help you get there at least he/she should reduce obstacles) 4. Talk about how you can be less of a burden for the manager (from the manager perspective, the best reportee is the one you do not need to manage)

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#112

Post by Jemaclus » Fri, Mar 14, 2025, 4:36 PM UTC

486sx33 wrote: post #104

Jemaclus wrote: post #19

Manager here: first, I'll say that you're ahead of the rest of the class just by asking this question. Most people don't bother trying to get much out of the 1:1s with their bosses. Here's the basic answer: the 1:1 is for you, not for me. If I'm doing my job well, I already know the status of your work. This is a chance for you to talk about anything that you want. Some of my reports ask about technical things: how c…

If one of my people want to skip the 1:1 I would never force them to do it anyway.

I think skipping occasionally is fine, and in fact it's not terribly unusual to say "Hey, we don't have anything to talk about this week" and just cancel this week's meeting. But skipping every week or canceling them outright is not really acceptable. Part of the job on both sides is enabling a feedback loop, and a 1:1 is the single best way to do it.

My team are welcome to come up with other ways to do it besides a 30 minute chat in a sterile room or over Zoom, but we need to keep a regular cadence of feedback, or our working relationships will deteriorate.

I have one guy who just wants to go for walks, so instead of getting in a room, we'll both walk 15 minutes to a Starbucks, grab some coffee, and walk back, and that gives us 30 minutes to chat. Only occasionally will I insist on doing it with a whiteboard or a laptop, but those are usually when there's something more "formal" about it. I'd say we only do it in an office room about once a quarter.

For some of my team, it's a 15 minute chat, for at least two of them, they turn into 60+ minutes of discussion. There's no one-size-fits-all here, but there has to be _something_, IMO.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

#113

Post by Jemaclus » Fri, Mar 14, 2025, 4:36 PM UTC

mytailorisrich wrote: post #109

Jemaclus wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. That's why it was the "basic answer." The longer answer, of course, is that it's for both of us. I don't do it in every 1:1, but probably every 3rd or 4th 1:1, I ask for feedback about my own performance and about how they feel about other parts of the organization. I've found it incredibly valuable. But the primary agenda is your agenda, not mine. Mine is often supplemental and periodic, but the more imp…

A good manager ought to forego the corporate blah blah and be straightforward and not seen as slippery in order to build trust and enable open and honest discussions.

Never said otherwise :)