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Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

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Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#111

Post by snozolli »

jeffreyrogers wrote: post #103
throwaway_32u10 wrote: post #98

OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? I don't mean that in a rude way, but I think answering that will help you figure out what you're looking for. If the goal is just to build a business you could start a business like a McDonald's franchise that is pretty much guaranteed to work if you work hard enough. But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is…

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel?

Probably because he wants a lifestyle business that will let him make a reasonably comfortable living without working 9-5 every day for 30 years.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#112

Post by SebFender »

Coming from my little 50 years of experience on earth and with many around me I helped - and get ready it will sound harsh - it's hard for many to truly understand they are not special.

Once you own that - and I mean really own it - only then can you move forward.

The last thing you should do is bring anything more in your life - except - what you are good at.

Find THE thing you're good at - it's the only thing that will bring you forward and some joy.

Once found - exploit it like hell.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#113

Post by caprock »

jeffreyrogers wrote: post #103
throwaway_32u10 wrote: post #98

OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? I don't mean that in a rude way, but I think answering that will help you figure out what you're looking for. If the goal is just to build a business you could start a business like a McDonald's franchise that is pretty much guaranteed to work if you work hard enough. But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is…

This is a good point, that understanding the underlying personal outcome is important. For me this helps narrow the specific businesses or arrangements that I should consider.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#114

Post by astura »

rlue wrote: post #96
recursivedoubts wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope. No one is telling them this because everyone is either scared to do so or is trapped in a hedonistic self-oriented conception of happiness. This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conce…

“Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. But if you take this irreversible life choice that lots of people actually regret, I sincerely feel that you are likely to see the light.” People shouldn’t have kids to soothe their existential malaise; they should have kids because they actually want to devote their lives to nurturing another living thing. They are not a prop for your personal growth. This is really, really…

>FWIW given the rigidity of your thinking, I would really hate to be your kid by the time I started having opinions of my own.

Can confirm, it's torture.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#115

Post by snozolli »

miketery wrote: post #97
silverquiet wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if women aren't interested in you?

At a simplest level become the kind of person women are interested in. Take care of you health (sleep, exercise, and eat well), dress in a put together fashion, take care of hygiene, have interests that excite you and you can share with others, and finally socialize more.

have interests that excite you and you can share with others

I think the best piece of concise wisdom I've ever read is, "to be interesting, be interested". Meaning not only to have hobbies and interests, but to be interested in the people around you.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#116

Post by DagsEoress »

silverquiet wrote: post #83
DagsEoress wrote: post #67

I don't know you, but I am also in my mid 30s, work a boring (but comfortable) tech 9-5 job, and have been trying to build something on the side for a while. I have a great girlfriend, earn a decent amount of money, own a house, am healthy and work out. So we do seem similar, but I did abuse alcohol and more. Tried to find pleasure in hedonistic ways. A few years ago I started asking myself: "Is this it? Is this all…

I was raised Catholic but lost the belief quite young. Not to be an edgy atheist, but it was basically lost along with Santa. I probably spent a decade trying to believe, but to no avail. I think having a chronic pain condition from a young age probably makes it difficult to believe in any sort of loving force in the world, and then a few observations about the way people who say they follow these religions actually…

I'm sure I don't have to explain Christian theology to you. It's very sad that you have to go through this physical pain, as well losing faith as a result.

As for people who say one thing and do something else. People are fallen and hypocrites. I myself an still trying to do better, but I realize I'm still full of anger. I hope to better myself eventually.

Out of curiosity; did your spiritual life end with Christianity? Or did you continue your search?

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#117

Post by recursivedoubts »

astura wrote: post #114
rlue wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. But if you take this irreversible life choice that lots of people actually regret, I sincerely feel that you are likely to see the light.” People shouldn’t have kids to soothe their existential malaise; they should have kids because they actually want to devote their lives to nurturing another living thing. They are not a prop for your personal growth. This is really, really…

>FWIW given the rigidity of your thinking, I would really hate to be your kid by the time I started having opinions of my own. Can confirm, it's torture.

i asked my sons how, given the rigidity of my thinking, it was being my, er, son:

"fine", "great" & "awesome"

of course there are many issues with this poll, i will not debate that fact, but at least we now have some data to work with!

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#118

Post by jeffreyrogers »

snozolli wrote: post #111
jeffreyrogers wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? I don't mean that in a rude way, but I think answering that will help you figure out what you're looking for. If the goal is just to build a business you could start a business like a McDonald's franchise that is pretty much guaranteed to work if you work hard enough. But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is…

Why do you think building a business will fix the problem you feel? Probably because he wants a lifestyle business that will let him make a reasonably comfortable living without working 9-5 every day for 30 years.

You can do this by being a franchise owner too, or by being a real estate agent, or lots of other flexible careers, but he's not choosing those paths and exploring why will help him figure out what it is he is really after. He already has a comfortable life and could probably live frugally and then live off investment income in much less than 30 years if that was what his main motivation was, but I think ultimately even if he succeeded at that he would find that his original lack of meaning remained, just with more time in the day.

Re: Ask HN: Every day feels like prison

#120

Post by antisthenes »

rlue wrote: post #96
recursivedoubts wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope. No one is telling them this because everyone is either scared to do so or is trapped in a hedonistic self-oriented conception of happiness. This is my advice, I am sincere in it and I feel that, given their presentation of the facts of their life, it is likely to be the most effective way to grow as a human. Note that I do mention that it will give them purpose and suffering, not happiness as they current conce…

“Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. But if you take this irreversible life choice that lots of people actually regret, I sincerely feel that you are likely to see the light.” People shouldn’t have kids to soothe their existential malaise; they should have kids because they actually want to devote their lives to nurturing another living thing. They are not a prop for your personal growth. This is really, really…

> P.S. You being out here responding to every single comment without hesitation and not reconsidering your position in the slightest is a sign of bad thinking.

Funny. You make a snide remark to OP "Everyone who disagrees with me is wrong." and immediately follow it up with "here's this opinion I disagree with that is bad thinking, because they don't immediately change it based on a few comments from internet strangers".

I really, really, hope you see the hypocrisy here.

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