111–120 of 146 posts
Beneficiary of each other, everywhere.
Trust.
Monthly allowance, currently $500/mo, for purely spending on each other. Necessities such as clothes etc are not part of that, this is when she wants a new Chanel handbag and I want a new bike.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you're both making good money not much.
And if not?
Like a bunch of folks are saying, the most important thing is that you are both on the same page regardless of what you choose. As far as all joint accounts vs having individual accounts, I think if has to do with how you view marriage. Is it a single whole, or is it a joined pair of individuals. For me personally, I view my wife and I as single team. Everything is joint (outside of a few super old accounts like othe…
in china, the account that receives your salary must be at the same bank that the employer uses because payroll is usually done with a system provided by the banks (at least that was the case in my company) so a joint account would not have been possible.
we also had bank accounts by function. we created a separate bank account for our insurance where they could automatically withdraw the payments. i don't remember if there was a specific reason for that though.
and i created a separate account for online purchases that i deliberately kept at a low balance to reduce the risk of fraud when sharing banking information online.
and my wife has accumulated a few more bank accounts over time, i guess in part because of different employers, or i have no idea. i learned the pin for most of them.
so i don't think it matters. what matters is how you view the ownership of the money in the accounts. in our case we simply added up our combined account balances as the money we had available. and money was spent from any account as was convenient except the accounts for a specific purpose. we never argued over whose money it was, but only sometimes over the necessity of an expense.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
And if not?
We have a big difference in our incomes (over our marriage I've brought in at least 5x more than her, and her income presently is The vast majority of the spending is out of that joint account. The allowances are mostly a hold-over from when she had no job (moved to the US on a visa, had to wait for the work permit and then to find a job, almost a year) and felt the need to ask me for permission to spend money. I was…
I assume full trust to someone I marry without any artificial constraints in advance
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you often find that your close relationships end when you decide the benefits aren't enough to justify continuing? I don't know how to say this without it sounding critical, have you ever considered thst you might be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder?
I have considered that. I asked my therapist a few times and she says I'm not a narcissist. I'm not sure what the criteria are. I do experience sympathy (or empathy, which ever is the one where I can feel bad for someone without feeling literal pain), and guilt, and compersion and such, but at times I think I'm more Machiavellian than average. I don't want a relationship where I give and give and realize I've acciden…
Honestly don't really care if she spends on cosmetics and little indulgences here and there.
> We keep our finances mostly separate. The primary reason is we both have enough that we don’t need the other’s money, and we both like having the freedom to buy whatever we want. I don’t want to ask when I’m buying pinball machines or random stuff for my next project, and she doesn’t want to ask me when she goes shopping or sends money to family members. We both invested enough money to cover house expenses and the interest goes into a joint account that pays the bills every month. Of course if she needed some of my money for some reason she’d be welcome to it, and vice versa, so it’s more like we have combined finances that we manage separately.
Like a bunch of folks are saying, the most important thing is that you are both on the same page regardless of what you choose. As far as all joint accounts vs having individual accounts, I think if has to do with how you view marriage. Is it a single whole, or is it a joined pair of individuals. For me personally, I view my wife and I as single team. Everything is joint (outside of a few super old accounts like othe…
> To me, having separate individual accounts, feels like you aren't committing fully to marriage and are keeping your money yours "just in case." If you are already feeling like you need a "just in case," why are you get married to begin with. And even if that's not true, keeping track of everything separately just seems so... exhausting. Like, you pay the electricity, I'll pay the water bill, you pay 75% of the mort…
The benefit is that we can each use the different habits we have developed over the years, which suit our respective temperaments and preferences, without stepping on each other's toes. I like paper bills and manual payments, while my wife prefers email and automates everything; each of us thinks the other way sounds stressful. We employ debit cards and credit cards in different ways, we have different uses for savings accounts, we track our expenses differently, we have different levels of comfort with investments and cryptocurrencies, and we even use cash differently. Compromising on a single system would leave us both confused and unhappy; it feels much easier to divvy things up equitably, then each play our parts in the styles we prefer.