Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?

I personally like this Socratic approach, but if person A kept avoiding giving answers constantly, even if it’s clear that the other interlocutor is getting frustrated by this approach, then, to me, it means that person A is not able to give any answer in that domain and they think that their job can be done by a chatbot and by following an inflexible approach.

The best way is actually to turn the tables around and learn how to give other people feedback in a way that is effective. There are plenty of coaching and other courses you can do that can teach you some good techniques that you can apply.

A useful side effect of knowing how this stuff works is recognizing when others are being ineffective and clumsy. Lots of engineers are a bit deficient with their soft skills. And recognizing when people are shooting themselves in their feet by being passive aggressive, rude, or otherwise causing a lot of issues in day to day communications can help you distance yourself from those situations.

Not a hard rule at all. What I meant, is that I don't apologize up front for making a mistake in my own work, for "writing code that does not work" or other things which could be interpreted as being the result of my lack of skill in my work, making mistakes is part of it, and fixing mistakes are too.

I will be the first to apologize for messing up something for someone else, or giving bad advice, or for taking a decision which lead other people down a wrong path. I'll also apologize, as soon as possible, and in front of others if they're there, if I said something that could be misunderstood or sounded harsh or brash. (Though, that really does not happen very often at all). I believe in modesty and dignity, and apologizing is part of that.

I realised long ago that I am not perfect, there are limits on my attention to detail, and my ideas are not always the best way to do things. If someone spots one of my momentary lapses of brain, they've done us both a favour. If they know a better way to do whatever we're trying to achieve, great.

If we can delete vast swathes of stuff I wrote last week or last year because something better comes along or we just plain don't need it any more, awesome.

Code is a liability, shipping a working product to the best of our team ability is important and (honest, well intentioned and useful) criticism is one good way to keep learning.

As @dusted said, one important thing to remember is the disconnect - the work you do is a culmination of any number of factors on a given day. I couldn't agree more.

For me, the biggest thing though is trying to have a learning or improvement focused mindset. Understanding that most comments and every mistake you make are a step in a direction where you've learned something and gotten better. You, the codebase and the reviewer are all better for the experience.

Also - it IS okay to feel a little bad or frustrated when you've done a piece of work you're particularly proud of and it gets a lot of criticism. It's important to keep the above in mind, but it's also human. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. Just try to regulate it, and remember it's for the better of yourself and everyone.