111–120 of 767 posts
https://www.brookings.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/201207_... https://www.margithenderson.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/H... https://i.insider.com/573a14b891058428008c31fe?width=1136&fo...
As far as your love life goes I simply disagree that you're past your "prime". People tend to say this when they're not looking at themselves in the best light anymore. There are plenty of women in their 40s looking to date and I'd bet there's some thinking about things like adoption. That's to say, I think there's more paths to what you want than you may currently realize. See my first paragraph on that.
Last, I did a career reboot years ago. It's possible with a lot of studying and diligence. Again, you'll need a good system for recognizing incremental progress and appreciating your ascent. It is frustrating at times; the only thing I can say looking back on my own path is be patient with yourself. Life is quite an adventure and I wish I'd learned to appreciate the moments in which my life deviated so far from the standard experience - even the times that I thought were bad. They're the thing I share with others when they need perspective.
You got this my guy, but don't go at it alone. That's how you land in suicidal ideation.
I don’t think this is accurate. What’s the basis for this?
Check out the book Midlife: A Philosophical Guide.
You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…
How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…
You do have to be prepared to be vulnerable to some extent, but if they’re any good they’ll earn trust and develop a working relationship with you that is comfortable.
Source: multiple years of therapy. Definitely worth the effort and the cost.
I'd recommend seeing a behavioral therapist (because it's the things you do that matter in the long-term).
I also started going to a gym, improve my social life, make an effort to have friends, identify other people's expectation and say no when they don't fit yours, ...
If you're living in a small village, chances are your living close to your family and sometimes your family is negatively affecting your well-being, that might be why you were happy in the US.
On the pro side: It sounds you have a lot of time and I suggest to start right away with reading and sports:
- No more mr. nice guy
- When i say no, I feel guilty
- Models
If you manage to run / do sports 15-45 mins per day (start slowly) you'll start thinking clearer again.
Also, taking care of your health and body is generally a good start (food, weight, movement), the better you look the easier it is to chat up people of any sex and the more you'll be respected.
All the best
It was a life reset, clearing out all the baggage. It was very difficult but incremental and genuine over time.
After the personal part, I levelled up my tech with some commercial online courses. When I began the career pivot, there was a lot of ageism and ghosting. Eventually I got a foothold and was on my way.
As for the family and relationships, I can tell you that I got a lot of attention from women once I made all those changes. There are so many looking for someone who is at least trying to handle their lives. I hear it all the time. Even being older, I get curious early 30s women who want families.
Now in my early 50s, my life is so much better. In no way do I feel my best days are behind me.
The other thing I’d suggest is begin exercising regularly. Jogging is great because it only requires shoes, and you can do it almost anywhere. It’s something you can do for yourself that will definitely make you better off in the long run. You can tell yourself: “even if all my other plans fall through, if I keep up this exercise, I will be better off in a year than I am now.”
Regarding the wife and kids and career angle, speaking as someone who has all that, keep in mind that they open some doors but close others. I can’t hike the pacific crest trail, or sail around the world. Honestly, it’s really hard for me to get away for a few days to do something exclusively for myself, and if I do I feel guilty about it. If the wife and kids don’t happen for you, keep in mind that that also yields a freedom to explore alternatives which will not be possible if they do.
Early 30s i had an unsuccessful suicide attempt but managed to get things turned around through therapy and family and am very happy and content at 46. "It's a long road out of hell" is an accurate statement, it's more of a journey and you won't even know you've been succesful until a thread like this appears and you think back from where you were to where you are and the changes you've made.
I don't even think you need to pay for counselling. You're here and it's free input. Keep your savings for more important things.
As they told me when I got out of my cryopod: have a nice future.
