Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

The shift thing really did not work for my partner and me, with our first kid, so we didn't even attempt it for our second (who is now a month old).

What we tried: I would pump some milk before heading to bed @ ~10am, and he would stay with the baby and give her the expressed milk. At around 1-2am, we'd switch.

Why it didn't work: * I am really bad at getting to sleep, especially if I know I have to get to sleep. So I wouldn't get to bed til 11/12, and then I'd have to wake up soon after. (Relatedly, I'm incapable of napping). * The baby wasn't particularly happy with the bottle feeding and my partner was pretty stressed out by trying to keep her from crying and interrupting my sleep.

What we do now: I co-sleep with the baby in a floor mattress all night, so it's easier for me to drift in and out of sleep. My partner sleeps in a bed in a different room so that he can maximize his sleep hours and be functional during the day to help out with chores and cooking. So yeah, it's pretty much all me at night, but that's the reality of breastfeeding. My partner would breastfeed if he could, but alas, biology. (And yes, co-sleeping isn't approved by AAP, so you'll need to decide for yourself if you think its safe).

Anyway, everything depends on each mother/baby/father. Experiment, see what works/doesn't work for you!

Something I wish I'd learned much sooner: From birth, be unfailingly patient, warm, and loving with the little bugger, no matter how frustrated you might be feeling. Matter-of-factly communicating unhappiness with him* is fine, but never, ever get angry with him — when he's "misbehaving," talking back, etc., it's because his brain and its "programming" are still developing and he doesn't have nearly as much control as you might imagine, or as you think he ought to.

* Or her, of course.

> For me, this is key. The early years were hard on me. I’m a hobby-driven introvert, and having kids felt like a major sacrifice of the personal time I was used to. I learned a lot about myself and my needs in the process.

> I loved my kids more than anything, but I also teetered on regret for some time.

Basically my issue right now but it's getting better with time. That said, it's hard to imagine ever taking the plunge with a second one (even if we weren't too old for that anyway).

The one thing I wish someone would have told me with my first is that it's OK if you don't feel an immediate connection or affection to your newborn.

I was expecting to immediately fall in love with the little bundle but his blank stare was a little creepy.

No one told me they don't smile or express any emotion, other than pissed off when they're crying. I was expecting him to smile and be happy when he saw me. When I picked him up, his face didn't change and he might as well have been looking at the wall.

Then about 3 weeks in, it happened. He did smile at me when I picked him up... or maybe it was just gas - either way, I didn't care. I was undone. I immediately knew I'd do anything for that boy. I loved my son.

Second one was easier, cause I knew what to expect but that first smile is still the absolute best moment being a dad.

They change your life. My pathetic selfish life was forever changed as I held that tiny, helpless baby. It's so worth it.

I have 7 kids, I work from home so I can homeschool them. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Learn burping, watch some videos. Baby has to be fed frequently and better to burp right after.