Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

This is the answer, 100% - also don’t become a gatekeeper and do help others to come in

As someone more introverted than most, I had a similar problem in college, but I noticed that I tended to become friendly with the people I lived with. So I joined a 38-person house in a student housing cooperative, and I made friends there who I’m still close to a decade later. (This was during my senior year, though I kind of hung around for another year after that.) Nothing else (clubs, classes, etc.) ended up working for me, since making friends in those circumstances required the kind of active effort that I just wasn’t comfortable with.

Basically this. Pick something that sounds even moderately interesting, keep going to it, and even when it feels like you still aren't making friends keep going.

I had a similar struggle in college when I was trying to break out of my normal social group. I joined the school's ACM club, kept going to events, hung out in the lounge, and after months I finally started making some friends I'd see out of the context of the club.

Keep in mind that making new friends has similarities to dating, too much desperation is a turn off. Just hang out and keep coming back. If you aren't a creep, you'll make friends.

>...When you are a freshman, everyone is in the same boat as you, trying to piece together a new group of friends.

My experience too. It may seem that everyone else is somehow already plugged-in, but it's just an appearance. Making some acquaintances is a first step to potential friends.

I would not be relying heavily on the need to share something in common - free time and attention is already common enough. All it takes to "socialize" is to ask anyone from your fellow cohort about what they're doing tonight a few times then ask to come along, if not already being invited to join. Turns out boring or not your thing, well, at least now you've got a "shared" experience and a reason to reciprocate and invite someone to do things your way.

Another idea is to join some hiking (or similar outdoors) group. This gives you an extended time in a group, so naturally some conversations open the avenues to do things together beyond hiking. Also, it helps to hook up with some folks from the next college year, kinda piggy back into their circles.

Finally, just do your thing in the spririt of "Build it and they'll come!". After all it's your time, make it fun for yourself to live through it.

Good luck!

1. Join a bunch of clubs that interest you. Go consistently. Join clubs that you might enjoy but improve your social skills (acting, improv, debate, etc). Don't just hang out with the same people all the time.

2. Treat being social as a skill. Schedule time that you go out and force yourself to speak to people you don't know. Learn to care less about what others think of you, and learn to accept rejection.

3. Learn to be a "connector". Learn to talk to people. Listen to what they want and like. Connect them with others who like the same thing. Learn to cook and invite groups of people over for dinner and drinks/tea. Organize walks or hikes. Play poker, play board games, chess.

4. Keep track of everyone you speak to. Everyone. Write down what they mentioned they liked, who their family is, what matters to them. Maintain their contact. Reach out during holidays and birthdays in a heartfelt way.

5. (Edit) Oh yeah, practice EXCELLENT hygiene at all times. Shower in the morning after exercise and take care of your teeth, breath and body odor.