Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#111

Post by jeremy_schuurms » Sat, Sep 28, 2019, 2:13 PM UTC

One thing I learned from being a first time parent is that you really can’t prepare much. I read every parenting book I could get my hands on, and every time I tried a technique from them to, say, get my son to sleep, or calm him when he was crying, didn’t work. I felt pretty helpless for awhile, and then realized my gut instincts worked more often, and I had to get to know my son as a person and discover what worked for him.

So I think the best way to prepare for being a parent is to 1. get ready to feel more love for this tiny human than you ever thought possible. 2. prepare financially. 3. gather your supplies (diapers, changing table, etc.) 4. have strategies in place to deal with lack of sleep. 5. have strategies in place to deal with stress and anxiety. 6. decide how you will support your partner. How will you make them feel important when the baby becomes your whole world? 7. breathe. It’ll be okay. It’s easier than you think, and you know more than you think. Trust your instincts.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#112

Post by SeattleCpp » Sat, Sep 28, 2019, 8:14 PM UTC

lastofus wrote: post #3

Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings. This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, an…

Amen about parents with easy-to-parent kids.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#113

Post by algy » Mon, Sep 30, 2019, 3:24 PM UTC

partisan wrote: post #110

lastofus wrote: post #3

Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings. This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, an…

As the parent of fraternal twins, I can say this was the biggest surprise. We have two absolutely and incredibly different children in one delivery. I guess the other lessons learned were: - as soon as you get comfortable with a routine, it changes - they come into this world as their own people. You can guide them to find their strengths and weaknesses and give them tools to work with those, but it really is nature…

We had twins too (and one older sister). I _was_ amazed that, despite spending less than 48hrs apart in their first couple of years of life, they were _completely_ different. I mean, their personalities are chalk & cheese, and neither of them are anything like their sister. They're really very individual, all of them.

Basically, this is just echoing what the rest of people say on here. There's no "one true way", every child is so different, you have to just trust your instincts. Lots of people will give you advice, you basically have to just nod your head and ignore it 95% of the time.

The only thing I can suggest as preparation is get as much sleep as you can for the fortnight before the little one(s) due. You'll need some in the bank!

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#114

Post by partisan » Mon, Sep 30, 2019, 11:26 PM UTC

algy wrote: post #113

partisan wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As the parent of fraternal twins, I can say this was the biggest surprise. We have two absolutely and incredibly different children in one delivery. I guess the other lessons learned were: - as soon as you get comfortable with a routine, it changes - they come into this world as their own people. You can guide them to find their strengths and weaknesses and give them tools to work with those, but it really is nature…

We had twins too (and one older sister). I _was_ amazed that, despite spending less than 48hrs apart in their first couple of years of life, they were _completely_ different. I mean, their personalities are chalk & cheese, and neither of them are anything like their sister. They're really very individual, all of them. Basically, this is just echoing what the rest of people say on here. There's no "one true way", ever…

They are 6 years old at this point so we are past the point of banking sleep, for the most part. Scarily, they also had different sleep schedules and one had colic and the other one didn’t (fortunately). It was difficult, but we had help so I can’t complain in earnest.