101–110 of 120 posts
All the anxiety you describe comes from a diminished loving yourself. Have patience with yourself, be kind to yourself, don't judge yourself so harshly (re-read your post, it's a single continuous self judgement).
That anxiety is your internal compass trying to tell you you need to give yourself a big old internal hug. Never let go.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
"* I was bad at reading body language." This was such a huge issue for me. Being so observant, it's easy to judge someone based on body language and tone. Yes we can gain valuable information from this observation but we should not assume those observations are correct. I find it very easy to assume my assumptions are correct and this often creates situations where there are none. Thanks for sharing.
Just curious, you mean you observe a lot of stuff, but judge it wrongly? That's interesting. I wrote about my learning process in a comment on this thread. I always looked for real world feedback to assess my judgments, and over time was able to train my intuition to be more accurate.
But even fields full of geniuses need all types. Go to Youtube and rewatch the old black and white movie "Edison the Man" with Spencer Tracey. You will notice Edison getting some major good breaks from happy accidents involving his goofy cousin in charge of dealing with the press, and his slow-thinking but dedicated worker who shows him mistakes made in the lab. What I mean is, even if you are the slowest one on your team you may be like Hellman's mayo - maybe you bring out the best in other team mates.
Don't try to second guess fate. You are working in such a cutting edge area a goofy accident, mistake, or dumb remark may be just what is needed for your company to thrive. Maybe you are the secret sauce.
If you wake up and choose to play the innovation game another day, and keep going, you are "in the club". In the club of people who are trying to solve problems and build new things. It's the trying to improve this monkey world that is admirable. In the end we all die anyway. I commend your efforts to try. Keep going.
Started when I was 16. Tried therapists. Tried SRIs, but side effects negatively affected "normal" time so I stopped taking them. Tried to figure out environmental triggers, possible food allergies, etc., but to no avail.
Had my last attack about 10 years ago, when I was 26. They started tapering off in severity from 22 onwards, and I largely attribute that to how I was dealing with the attacks.
The first thing I would do is tell myself that I was having a fight or flight response and that the unpleasant effects were the result of adrenaline pumping through my veins.
I would assure myself that I was getting enough air, so I wouldn't fall into a cycle of hyperventilation. This was always the hardest part. I had to wrestle with my breathing continuously.
Over time, I became very sensitive to changes in my breathing patterns and would start working on breath control as soon as it became irregular. This one simple trick eventually stopped my anxiety issues altogether, and now psychologists hate me!
I can look back on this now as a very long period of forced mindfulness meditation. It's probably no coincidence that I had a lot of mystical experiences during this phase.
The key thing is I wasn't doing battle with a monster. I was killing its babies. In fact, if I was a therapist, I would advise all of my patients to kill the babies. You should kill the babies too!
Kill. The. Babies.
I know you said you're not seeking a therapeutic recommendation, but if you were my friend then I would buy you a beer and gently recommend seeing a therapist. I saw one for a year after I got divorced, and she was extremely helpful in teaching me how to get out of negative-feedback thought loops, which sounds like it might be useful for you, too. I was originally nervous about signing up for a lifetime of having som…
Definitely seconding this advice. A good therapist can make a world of difference.
If instead, you told us (truthfully!) that you were committed to hunting for and working with a good therapist and, in addition, wanted suggestions regarding additional things you could do, then fine. But you aren't doing that, making it seem as though the advice you need most is what you don't want to hear but still need to hear.
Your anxiety is probably just the way your brain tends to behave if unconstrained, the way some people crave dangerous adventure, others live to be outraged by political affronts, others are obsessive collectors of memorabilia, and so on. Tune the parameters of the brain a little this way or that, and you can get just about anything.
Your case is probably best dealt with by a professional who is skilled with cognitive-behavioral therapy. There are a lot of bad therapists, so keep looking for a good one, and do the exercises to provide some counterbalance to your brain's natural tendencies.
While doing that, give your self all the advantages you can by sleeping well, eating well, exercising, and frequently asking yourself questions that tend to move your mind in useful directions ("What are some things I can handle that flummox most people? Why is it that anxiety is so common among peak performers? What if I did get kicked out of the company like, say, Steve Jobs? Would that actually mean anything?" Etc.)
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Are you getting enough sleep and exercise? Meditation? The brain is a muscle like any other.
Plenty. I am on a tight sleep schedule, I sleep well mostly. I run 80-100 km a week. I don't meditate. I tried Headspace for a week, but it didn't do much for me.
EDIT: so far, it draws from Aikido, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, the psychology of video games and virtual experiences — new additions will continue to be as diverse in origin (hopefully).
Here is the bottom line... you are going to die. You are going to die, and no one will remember or care after a short time. Then, the earth is going to crash into the sun some short time later. In fact, the entire cosmos is probably going to crunch back together in a blink or two. The human condition is absolutely 100% hopeless. But here you are...here, right now. This is what really matters. So take a deep breath. Don't sweat the little stuff. And in the end it's all little stuff. Little stuff that really isn't important and shouldn't steal your focus.
I'm a physician and co-founder of an IT company. I've practiced as a neurosurgeon for almost 15 years and earned an MBA from a prestigious school. I am fortunate to be able to indulge my creative fancies building a kick ass company and caring for patients. In short, I'm living the dream I envisioned in my mind years ago - and I still sometimes feel the way you do.
The imposter syndrome is commonplace amongst successful, motivated people. I've found worrying about failing is far more damaging than the actual "failure" itself. During those times you feel the onslaught of self-doubt, please remind yourself of the times in the past you felt exactly the same way (and also be sure to complete the thought process and acknowledge how you got past that feeling.) Something tells me you suffer from the same pattern of plateauing most folks who suffer from "imposter syndrome" do.
You will have things go incredibly well w minimal effort sometimes. Other times, you will make zero progress no matter how hard you try. Rarely you'll hit a sh-tstorm so bad you just want to crawl under a rock and hide (this is what it feels like to lose a patient BTW). You must accept that the only constant here is you and that your only option is to continue to work and develop yourself. I sometimes try to motivate my co-founder and CEO by invoking the Bhagavad- Gita (or watch the Legend of Bagger Vance which is an allegorical play on the same) - do not worry about the good or bad that may come of what you do, just focus on the doing.
You're not flawed or weak and you are certainly not an imposter. You belong where you are. Don't forget to listen to that other voice inside you.
Best