101–110 of 162 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
who said anything about therapy? i offered only suffering and purpose.
Other people in the thread. I don't think this conversation is useful past this point.
I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…
I disagree. It's a great suggestion because it provides purpose, a reason to get out of bed each morning and a drive to provide and protect your children. The fact that he can't 'return them' makes the stakes high and only adds to the worthiness of the pursuit. He'll still have days of struggle, we all do, but he'll have a fulfilling reason to push through them.
“Many people find fulfillment and purpose in having children” = good advice
“Having children will give you purpose and make you feel fulfilled” = you’re projecting
OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…
But I suspect that succeeding at some already derisked business model isn't what is drawing you towards building a business. It's probably not money either since from a discounted cash flow perspective it probably pays better to get a FAANG job. You say you want freedom but in most businesses you don't have a huge amount of freedom since you are constrained by what the market wants and organizational structures have to meet employee needs.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What if women aren't interested in you?
Finding a woman is like finding a job--it's a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to find someone who's a good fit for you. Life is not a movie. You are not going to bump into your soulmate in the dry goods section at Whole Foods. So get on all the apps. Do speed dating. Put yourself out there. Accept the constant, crushing pain of rejection as the cost of doing business. Just l…
Myself, I think my problem was that I didn't want the job. I'm not even that thrilled about having to work my actual job.
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Having a family is underrated IMO. Just gives you so much more perspective. And you can't know that until you do it. Reminds me of this podcast on "Vampires, Life Choices, and Transformation": https://www.econtalk.org/l-a-paul-on-vampires-life-choices-a...
Sure, until you make a little money and she leaves you to take the house, kids, 1/2 your money and 30% off the top of your salary for the next 10 years. Seriously, there is a VERY good reason men are refusing to start families in the US and brith rates are dropping. I tell my son and all young men I meet, "DO NOT get married or have kids in America until they rollback no fault divorce". Until then all financial incen…
Lots of reasons for birth rates dropping, for sure, according to data: https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/issue-bri...
Get married and have children. For time immemorial that is what your ancestors have done. It will not make you happy as you currently conceptualize it, but it will add purpose (and much suffering, as always comes with purpose) to your life. It is what you are designed to do.
I would say that is one of the 3 conclusions I've drawn from philosophy as a solution to 'What is the Good?': >Darwinism (as you imply, it makes you well rounded, almost like an Aristotelian Happy person, without the virtue ethics.) >Utilitarianism(some combination of advancing humanity to reduce pain and increase pleasure) >Hedonism(Nothing matters, enjoy the sensory experience)
> I have a comfortable life, nor luxury, neither poverty So you have a relationship, athletic hobbies, steady job, and side business? That is luxury. It's just that you've convinced yourself it's prison for some reason. > now I'm back to the same place I tried to escape back then, albeit in a different physical location and work place. As they say, wherever you go, there you are. Even if you found "luxury" then you'd…
he's not "convincing himself" of anything. this feeling is a side effect of any number of things going on his life. don't jump to conclusions about someone.
Everything we believe is the result of us convincing ourselves of something. If you tell me the sky is green and I believe it, it's because I decided to believe the sky is green not because you told me it was green.
He believes his life is not luxurious. Someone with no relationship and no job could easily look at his life and see it as luxurious. Someone like Jeff Bezos could look at this guy and be like, "that's not luxurious at all."
This guy can change how he views his life and he might be better off for it.
Or he can hate his life and bemoan his circumstances. Up to him.
I know which one I would try to do!
Spending a month in Thailand and (especially) Cambodia gave me a lot more appreciation for how much I had. However, it also broke my interest in the American Dream. Seeing a guy running a small motorcycle shop while his toddler son played on the steps made me feel that the Western, Corporate system is really damaged. Spending most of your waking hours at some office building with people you don't particularly like, working on something that you can't care about except in abstract terms? Seeing your life's work dissolve when it's abandoned after the next acquisition or bankruptcy? It's not a recipe for a satisfied life.
I don't know what the solution is, but your best bet is probably to get into therapy and learn tools to practice gratitude. It's so easy to become complacent and blind to the great things we have.
Edit: I just saw your additional comment. I still stand by my therapy comment, specifically for the purpose of learning tools and exercises. Unfortunately, I have no idea how you find a decent therapist for this purpose.
I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…
For real. The concept of “you have to love yourself before you can love others” is cliché but.. bringing kids into the world, that are a massive responsibility, I think should be a decision made with a full understanding of the work and love needed to do it right. How tf are you gonna have the emotional capacity for kids if you don’t have it even for yourself??
OP Here. This blew up fast. I'll provide more context in this comment rather than commenting individually for the sake of not repeating myself. First of all, children and family. I am considering this, but I doubt this is the solution to all problems. I agree with people who say it can provide a sense of purpose, but I also agree with people who think it's a bit irresponsible to recommend children to a stranger who s…
Your three priorities (if I understood correctly), sound like your health, relationship, and independent business. This really does seem like a good track. In fact, having such clarity of priorities puts you ahead of many people. The only thing I don't see is maybe having a vision of the environment in which you pursue these priorities (home, living area, weather, etc).
I encourage you to consider specific short and medium term goals within those three areas. Maybe you can help draw out several purposes that adjust your mental framing.
As a small example, the hot topic of the children. I don't perceive anyone saying you should rush out and have a child tomorrow. Instead, adapting to your situation, maybe there are some specific family goals for the next few years.
Then, on the business side, maybe there are some specific goals for the next 1, 3, and 6 months. This might also need some goals about when to cut bait and try some different business ideas.
When I'm in the worst malaise, it's often when I have vague big picture aims without shorter term goals. Purpose is multi-faceted.
Thanks for sharing your journey. It's helpful for me to think and write about these topics, so I appreciate the prompt and hope I've helped your pursuit in a small way.