Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 136 posts

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#101

Post by shanebellone »

Apreche wrote: post #61

The only red flag here is you. If your son is in college, he is likely to be at least 18 and therefore an adult in most countries. He is responsible for his own decisions, and is also the one to suffer the consequences. If he was studying accounting would you worry if he wasn't having fun doing people's taxes at night? If he was studying chemistry would you worry if he didn't have a mad scientists lab going on? Let y…

This comment strikes me as naive.

If a child is financially dependent on their parents, they are not capable of living independently. A parent who isn't providing support, has no right to dictate or interfere.

Personally, independence defines adulthood.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#102

Post by nequo »

deltree7 wrote: post #49
enasterosophes wrote: post #35

> I am not a developer or cs engineer So you're saying you're less qualified than your son when it comes to determining whether someone might do well in CS?

Plenty of uneducated Indian / Chinese parents make great decisions for their kids. OTOH, I've seen overly progressive liberal parents destroying their kids lives by letting them take useless courses, large debts and unsustainable lifestyles

You just made three generalizations about three billion people in two sentences.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#103

Post by qbasic_forever »

moffkalast wrote: post #99
qbasic_forever wrote: post #9

College is the best time in his life to socialize and build relationships that last a lifetime. Let him do his thing. If his grades are fine why are you worried? For a fresh out of college grad new hire/interview they're going to care much more about grades and school prestige than hobbies or side projects. At least for the major FAANG companies. Something like "deans list BS computer science from Berkeley" or "maste…

Aside from the paycheck, is working for FAANG really something people still want? The workplace politics sound dreadfully toxic there.

There are some problems like highly distributed computing that you really can't work on anywhere else. No other company is dealing with data on a scale like Google, Amazon, etc. It is a fascinating problem space that's still relatively young and being figured out by the people working on it.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#105

Post by omginternets »

It’s worth noting that universities bundle two distinct things under the header of “CS”: computer science and software engineering. The former is coding. The latter is math.

Perhaps your son is in the latter category?

Addendum:

Speaking from experience, the single biggest gift parents can make to 20-somethings is to give them time to explore. I’m sure it’s unnerving because it often looks like aimlessness, but it’s important. Exploration takes time — lots of it — and finding a meaningful career path requires exploration (and some risk). Please don’t smother that. I promise your son will be forever grateful.

PPS: I suspect I have an educational and professional history so full of meandering and exploration that the mere thought would give you an ulcer. It worked out beautifully for me, both financially and in terms of personal fulfillment. If you think it might be helpful, I am happy to chat about it, and share my perspective.

Wanna connect?

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#106

Post by bloppe »

enlyth wrote: post #67
madrox wrote: post #19

There's a lot here to unpack, but I don't believe this is a red flag. CS is not a "gimme" major. If he's continuing to pursue it and the college isn't weeding him out, then he's clearly doing alright and has enough enthusiasm for the major. Let him continue. On a more personal note, I don't believe this is any of your business. Your son is a grown adult. Perhaps he's getting a degree on your dime, but he needs to mak…

Thank you so much for saying this. My parents were very involved in my choice of education, I was indirectly pressured to go to medical school, which ended up with me dropping out because I was never the type of person to sit down for days on end and memorize fat stacks of Latin anatomy books. I eventually became a software developer, and it took years of catching up and self education alongside working shitty jobs.

Maybe OP is just thinking of bringing it up for their child to reflect, not apply pressure. It's unclear.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#107

Post by kbrannigan »

Symbiote wrote: post #90
wilg wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not an incorrect word, but it can be possibly misconstrued as being infantilizing, because "child" somewhat implies a young person. But I can't think of a better word! Perhaps it could have been more a bit more tactful to reword to avoid saying "child", like saying "your son is doing well" in this case.

Son or daughter avoids the possibility of infantalizing an adult child.

An adult child is still the kid of her parents.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#108

Post by Symbiote »

kbrannigan wrote: post #107
Symbiote wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Son or daughter avoids the possibility of infantalizing an adult child.

An adult child is still the kid of her parents.

Without further context, "his child was in an accident" suggests a child of ~1-12/16/18. (Younger than ~1 and we should say "baby".)

"His son was in an accident" could equally refer to an adult.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#109

Post by peruvian »

deltree7 wrote: post #48
madrox wrote: post #19

There's a lot here to unpack, but I don't believe this is a red flag. CS is not a "gimme" major. If he's continuing to pursue it and the college isn't weeding him out, then he's clearly doing alright and has enough enthusiasm for the major. Let him continue. On a more personal note, I don't believe this is any of your business. Your son is a grown adult. Perhaps he's getting a degree on your dime, but he needs to mak…

Both Indian and Chinese kids continue to excel in every industry, despite heavy involvement from parents. (and happy) OTOH, I've seen many White students raised by liberal parents with too much student debt (and depressed). So, unless there is data to prove that "letting 18 years old to make their own life changing decisions" on their own, we need to stop this overly progressive method.

> (and happy)

Lol, ask most South Asian Americans or Asian Americans how they feel about their parents.

Re: Ask HN: Son is major in CS, but doesn't code. Red flag?

#110

Post by _448 »

deltree7 wrote: post #48
madrox wrote: post #19

There's a lot here to unpack, but I don't believe this is a red flag. CS is not a "gimme" major. If he's continuing to pursue it and the college isn't weeding him out, then he's clearly doing alright and has enough enthusiasm for the major. Let him continue. On a more personal note, I don't believe this is any of your business. Your son is a grown adult. Perhaps he's getting a degree on your dime, but he needs to mak…

Both Indian and Chinese kids continue to excel in every industry, despite heavy involvement from parents. (and happy) OTOH, I've seen many White students raised by liberal parents with too much student debt (and depressed). So, unless there is data to prove that "letting 18 years old to make their own life changing decisions" on their own, we need to stop this overly progressive method.

Here is a song from a popular Hindi movie that tackles this subject (this movie was a hit even in China): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbCRtrrMvSw

There is tremendous pressure on students from both parents and society. This is because of the competition. The population is so huge, the infrastructure bad and opportunities far less. So it becomes a rat's race.

Post reply on HN