Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 767 posts

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#101

Post by wombatpm »

You can’t blame yourself for the past all you do is keep moving forward. Asking for help is a good first step. Here is my advice:

Step 1. See a Doctor. Even a primary care doctor can prescribe medication. You’ve been through a lot these past few years, and while therapy can help you solve underlying issues, medications can help you until that is an available option.

Step 2. Once you are stabilized figure out what’s most important. Do you want a job, to get married, move to the US? They are all possible but you can’t focus on three #1 priorities. What if you meet a girl who doesn’t want to relocate?

Bottom line, you are depressed. I’ve been there, it sucks. Get your mind right first. That will help you tackle your goals and dreams.

Meanwhile you have family, you have your health, and you still have time. I was 45 when I made my third career change. My email is in my profile and I’m happy to talk

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#102

Post by bowsamic »

dlandis wrote: post #98
bowsamic wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately finding a therapist in Germany is near impossible even in a big city, I’ve been on the waiting list for almost a year now with no sign of end and I live in Hamburg which is one of the richest cities in Germany

Could you try one of the remote services like Better Help? (I have no idea if they have good therapists, I just see their name a lot lately).

I didn’t want to but I might have to

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#103

Post by isthisthingon99 »

fsloth wrote: post #82
isthisthingon99 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OK but that was a decade ago, it means he could do it at one point.

This sounds like glass half-empty type of view. While pessimists never get disappointed, it also skews ones perception of the world so that one does not see the inherent opportunities, nor does one act to embrace those opportunities. It's much better to ask "what is the best version of events" that could come out of this and try to act so that happens (even thought that will then lead to disappointments)

There is fake it till you make it (which is what you are suggesting) and ignoring reality.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#104

Post by ARK_12 »

As others mentioned i would seek professional advice.

But here's my anecdotal advice, whenever i feel self pity and overwhelmed to the level where i don't know where to start, i try to get back to basics and focus on small picture stuff that are within my control. Anything that you'd be happy with doing for the day, that depends on only yourself and not other's approval.

Start with trying to improve your mental health and mood, wether its a small level of exercise, better diet, saying yes to any social occasion, change of scenery ...

Once my mental outlook improves, the rest of my approach to life improves.

P.S the fact that you took steps to reach out for help is a good sign

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#105

Post by philk10 »

Got married at 45, moved to the US at 49 and have had a great 10 years here and life is good. Before then I was not in a good place, same for my future wife, we got lucky and found each other and then made it work. Some luck/work was involved - met my wife as we were both running websites for our respective daughters soccer teams, got my job in the US because I was active in the online s/w tester community and saw a posting for a job in Michigan which turned out to be the best move I ever made.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#106

Post by 9wzYQbTYsAIc »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

If you are in the United States, the following is a good resource: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

Also, read through https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/how-find-t...

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#108

Post by tgv »

boppo1 wrote: post #54

30 and on a bullet train to where OP is. Interested in the replies.

You will fail if you set the targets too high. Don't do that. Be happy with what you can achieve and with what you've achieved already. Riches and fame are for the lucky few, and most of those had rich and famous parents to help them start.
Post reply on HN