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Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

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101–110 of 277 posts

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#101

I have something of a counterpoint. I've been coding since I was 5 and I look back and wish I had spent time playing more games; I didn't and I missed out on some defining years which you probably had, and are probably taking for granted. I don't regret that however, instead it's something to learn from, and I now attempt to find a balance between all of them. Don't compare yourself to others, only that if you realiz…

I've been coding since I was 11, and I have a similar "the grass is greener" experience.

I don't socialise much, and I rarely get a kick out of much other than coding.

Socialising around physical exercise has been the best cure from living in a command-line for 25 years.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#102
The gaming industry and the addiction they manufacture are our contemporary opium traders. The entire concept of the gaming industry is unethical by nature, it is a leech upon the world, and is a powerful coefficient in the destruction of culture and of social bonds in civilization. A healthy culture has strong foundation and is lived, owned by those who live it. Culture has become mere spectacle, to be watched and emulated.

I am 29, I wasted my youth playing games.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#103

I guess the first thing to note is that in a hundred and fifty years, you'll be dead and unless you're one in a million or maybe ten million, nobody alive will know you existed. So it's not a competition, there's no prize ceremony at the end for the guy who did the most stuff, there's no one way you should be living your life. The second thing is, the past is dead and gone. You can't do anything about it. You can lea…

> There is only now.

> Finally, you're still very young

I am 34 and want to say to the 23 yo regretting their high-school/college years: Learn and reflect on your past but don't dwell too much, because there is a hell you can do now. By learning from your past, you turn it into gold.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#104

I guess the first thing to note is that in a hundred and fifty years, you'll be dead and unless you're one in a million or maybe ten million, nobody alive will know you existed. So it's not a competition, there's no prize ceremony at the end for the guy who did the most stuff, there's no one way you should be living your life. The second thing is, the past is dead and gone. You can't do anything about it. You can lea…

> "The second thing is, the past is dead and gone. You can't do anything about it. You can learn to let go of it or you can let it consume your present and deny you whatever future you're trying to make for yourself. There is only now."

This is a valid approach, and a key principle of many worldviews (especially those focused on the present). To provide an alternative approach too, it's also useful to reframe the past, so it's not haunting or negative when it comes to mind.

There are many bright spots. Like another commenter akmarinov wrote, the original poster has experience with what makes an engaging game. Social media experience is also useful for future efforts to raise awareness about a service or product. The time spent also gives a much stronger motivation to make the most out of future learning, instead of going through the motions in classes.

Someone who really wants to be a great computer scientist and follows through most days in the future, which is completely still possible, can really get the most out of their education.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#105
I’ve started coding at your age, while I was in Veterinary School. Now I’m 37 and I’m a pretty good developer, not (only) because of my technical capabilities, but because of my communication skills and empathy, that’s something that you can learn elsewhere. Last year I was a bit depressed because I haven’t achieved great goals (midlife crisis) and so I started learning something new (Jazz Piano) from start, and that is bringing me joy again. This makes me feel that the joy is in the process, I will never be Jhon Carmack or Bill Evans, but I’m always growing and that is beautiful.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#106

Everything you do is ultimately pointless. You feel that becoming a particular type of engineer you aspire to is meaningful, but once you get there you’ll realize you’re still yourself and you didn’t ascend to some higher level of being. Probably the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions. Your time in WoW must have incorporated social interactions. Be proud of those experiences - they’re in n…

> Everything you do is ultimately pointless > the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions Clearly you can see the contrast here. I agree that people are far more important than anything else. I am also among the majority of worldviews on earth who do not consider 'everything is pointless'.

I like the Tibetan take on this: We’re all going to die. Every day we live a little and die a little. We should aspire to live joyfully doing whatever is meaningful to us. And let things die throughout our lives. Holding on to possessions, people and ideas too tightly gets in the way of living.

Living joyfully can mean anything for you. One thing I like is struggling at hard programming problems. The struggle (and eventual success) feels great. The challenge is to accept that however I am - I’ll probably be like this until I die. And at some deep level be ok with that, and live my life enthusiastically anyway.

Do I sometimes spend a week or two playing games and “wasting time”? Yep. Maybe I’ll be like this until I die. The challenge is in accepting that that’s ok.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#108
post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Everything you do is ultimately pointless > the most meaningful thing we can do is through social interactions Clearly you can see the contrast here. I agree that people are far more important than anything else. I am also among the majority of worldviews on earth who do not consider 'everything is pointless'.

I don't mean to be depressing, but what is the point of life? Like an ultimate goal or something that you must achieve? It doesn't seem to be a one, except for the ones that we set for ourselves, which is usually trying to live as better as possible for as long as you can. And this seems fine to me, thinking too much about this can get depressing unless you can be comfortable with the fact that whatever we do in life…

Point of life: you didn’t choose to be here but since you are, make something out of it. What is the pleasure or the meaning of just wasting it away?

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#109
1. Accept that feeling regret and self-doubt is normal and uncomfortable.

2. While accepting the feeling and not trying to change it, understand that it is a feeling and, therefore, not evidence of fact (no matter how compelling the feeling may be).

3. Recall a time when you felt strongly about something, and with the passage of some time, you came to feel differently about it. It almost seems like a different thing now, with the perspective that time provides. Know that it is quite possible you are in the same situation now -- how you feel about your "wasted" years may not be how you feel in the future. You may, in fact, come to adopt a very different evaluation of how you spent that time. Accept that you will not have access to this future understanding until more time passes.

4. It's natural to wish for a better past, because it always carries with it the wish for a better present. But when spend time wishing for something we don't have, it makes what we do have seem much worse than it is. When you sit around wishing to change the past, you are throwing away the present. Fortunately, ruminating on wishes and regrets is just a habit, like nail-biting. Every time you catch yourself doing it, know that it's normal, but NOT helpful. Then gently bring your focus back to what you'd like to be getting out of the current moment.

5. This stuff is easy to write, but hard to understand - until one day, you do. Therapists specialize in helping their clients get to the place where they have this sort of perspective deep in their bones. If you have the ability to see a therapist, I'd highly recommend it.

Re: Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

#110
You're 23.

You'd be a massive outlier if you'd spent more of your childhood reverse engineering an OS than playing games, or indeed any time reverse engineering an OS at all, and it wouldn't necessarily lead you to be any more successful than someone who didn't even look at a command prompt until the age of 23

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