Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

The "relax" idea is easy to say, harder to do. Very important. Baby can pick up your vibe.

Longer term: The #1 best thing to give your child is to have a strong relationship with your partner. IMO, this takes a lot of work, especially if you were raised in a home without that. As much as education, safety, and health, this is the highest gift from parent to child...the capacity to have healthy relationships.

Second only to that is to earn respect from the child. Enforce boundaries and consequences ...lovingly. Learn how to fashion consequences to fit the crime.

Lastly, if you let your child learn how to divide and conquer parents, you are asking for mountains of conflict.

Patience. Remember you are both on the parenting journey together, but mothers and fathers will do things differently.

Take care of your partner. Postpartum depression is a very real concern and is difficult with new mothers already wondering if they are “doing it right.” She especially will get no shortage of advice. You and she know what’s best for your baby. And if you have a question, don’t hesitate to call your pediatrician or even the maternity ward.

As someone else said, make time for you and your partner. If you have family nearby, take advantage of that support system however you can. We moved away from all of our family and friends when we had two very young children, so if you are in a similar situation my first note about patience is even more important.

Finally, the cliché that kids grow up too fast is very true so enjoy the journey, embrace the mistakes. You only get to hold them for so long.

1. Organization is key. We meal plan for the week every Sunday afternoon. We both installed ToDoIst on our phones and have a specific list of tasks for every day of the week. We track our daughter's data using Huckleberry (great app) and it's helped us make sure her naps and feeding are on schedule.

2. Weekly retrospectives for the family make a difference. Both of you will have things that didn't go well. That stress you out. That aren't working. You need to have a safe time to raise them and work together to solve the problem. For us, that's usually adding a new weekly task to one or both of our ToDoIst lists.

3. Your relationship will suffer. You're both stressed out and lacking sleep. Forgive each other. Swallow your pride.

4. Read the AAP book on young children. Its 800 pages but the first few chapters are what matters. The rest is mostly a reference. (American Academy Of Pediatrics - Caring for Your Baby and Young Child)

Good luck. Its a journey.

2) Don't bend over backwards and be too harsh on yourself and your partner. All parents face similar struggles and there is no panacea. Be more forgiving rather than try to set unrealistic goals.

3) Don't allow yourself to be guilt tripped by anyone: your friends, your partner, your kid, your parents. It's already hard to be a good parent, adding guilt is completely useless.

4) Try to have fun. Your partner and her friends may mock you and Peter-Pan you, but it doesn't matter at all. The more fun you have with your kid, the better for them (and for you). The kind of bond created by enjoying things together lasts for decades. It will be something your kid will remember at your funeral.

5) Did I mention you should be very forgiving to your partner? Every hardship you go through, she undergoes too, and possibly in a more intensive way. And especially at the beginning she is more exhausted because of birth, breastfeeding, hormones and so on. If you have any extra energy left, give it to her. Let her feel loved. Many marriages/partnership fall apart when the child is born - if you manage to get through this difficult period, everything will be much easier.

6) If the kid is old enough to understand, explain things to them, don't treat them as an idiot. You don't need to go into details, but don't invent things. Of course when they need a fairytale, give it to them, but when they actually start asking things about the world, you need to give them satisfying answers.

7) Not knowing something is not a problem (see "We Have no Idea" on how presenting things we do not know can be very entertaining and how much you can learn from it).

8) Did I mention you should be kind to your partner? If you actually love each other, all arguments will be short and the kid will grow in a safe environment. (They will also save a lot on therapy.)