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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#101

Post by dagmx »

One thing that really helped me was to see my team mates be shaped by my output.

I'm known to be a very cynical person. Have been since I was a kid.

It's never really ever been an issue because I've known how to balance my interactions. However I noticed when I became a lead, that some of my team members were emulating me.

However they were emulating the incredibly cynical side of my communication, and glossing over the constructive criticism and thought I'd put in to my communications.

Suddenly, everything started spiraling into negativity. Code reviews, feedback on work, repsonse s to cool new tech...

Off hand one day, one of my team mates mentioned how they were trying to emulate my critical approach but were getting resistance, where I was not.

I started analyzing it with them and realized that I'd inadvertently fostered a negative environment. My own communication wasn't negative, but people often cling to the cynical because it makes them feel stronger.

You see this everywhere. From hot takes dismissing new things, to people tearing media to shreds like CinemaSins etc ... It's easy to be negative and cynical.

Anyway since then I've tried to try and be more positive in my posting to outweigh the cynicism. I'll still provide the critical feedback, but I try and push more positive words in, and I see it having a good impact on how people around me also compose themselves.

Anyway point being...I think it took seeing a reflection of the worst of me, to have me try and work to put forward the me I thought I was putting forward.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#102

Post by matheusmoreira »

I don't think this is something that should be suppressed in the first place. Must people always strive to be positive at all times? Always smiling? Always in a good mood? That's extremely tiresome. Like we're constantly trying to pretend everything's alright in order to keep up appearances for the sake of others.

Negativeness and anger are perfectly reasonable reactions to the wrongness of this world. It's not all bad, of course. There's plenty of good that we can enjoy. However, we must never forget the bad.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#104

Post by cybernautique »

Nevermark wrote: post #86
PakG1 wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

An initial glance makes it seem similar to Schrödinger's cat. I do use Schrödinger's cat type thinking to make decisions and think about things when I don't know what the right answer is, so just act as if all scenarios are the right one until I know for sure which is right. I shall look into it, as well as the book. Your point in that there's not much one can do to reason oneself into or out of valuing collaboration…

One way to be driven to be more collaborative from a rational motivation, chosen first principle, perspective, is realize you own everything and everyone. Because you do. The only thing you will ever really have is the reality you can impact around you. So take charge! Your job isn't just your day job. It is to run and push the planet along a good direction as much as you can, because it is literally your planet. The…

Have you read Max Stirner? This is one of the most compelling motivations of egoism I've seen, and the phraseology converges almost directly with Stirner's "The Ego And Its Own."

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#105

Post by maCDzP »

By seeing a therapist and working through the emotions and it’s causes.

I learned that I shouldn’t suppress. I analyzed and unentangled the feelings that I had to get out.

I learned to be more generous towards myself and other but at the same time be more critical of ideas. They where too entangled in my mind before therapy.

Now I am much better critiquing and idea while at the same time being warm, kind, encouraging and funny towards myself and others.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#106

Post by cybernautique »

PakG1 wrote: post #63
cybernautique wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recommend "Tuesdays With Morrie" for a good why book. Either you value collaboration and the opinions of others, or you don't; there's not much that you can do to reason yourself into or out of it, since it's not really a rational position. I find dialetheism[0] to be a fulfilling model of mental gymnastics for this 'humbling' you refer to. [0] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/dialetheism/

An initial glance makes it seem similar to Schrödinger's cat. I do use Schrödinger's cat type thinking to make decisions and think about things when I don't know what the right answer is, so just act as if all scenarios are the right one until I know for sure which is right. I shall look into it, as well as the book. Your point in that there's not much one can do to reason oneself into or out of valuing collaboration…

Keep in mind, rationalism is about "this, therefore that;" the root of rationalism is ratio, as in the multiplicity of proportions which lie between integers. Rationalist thought is "I have these guarantees, what does that mean for this context?" Try inverting it: "I want these contexts, what guarantees allow for their manifestation?"

It's also important to remember that we are animals of habit and change. Valuing collaboration is a habit; sports are a great way to build and exercise it. I'm personally very fond of rowing. There's little else that matches it for enforcing collaboration.

Last, have you ever had an interest in psychedelics? LSD lit a fuse of empathy in my skull, and a lot of this has developed naturally (but not easily nor simply) from my relationship with the absurd.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#107

Post by defterGoose »

matheusmoreira wrote: post #102

I don't think this is something that should be suppressed in the first place. Must people always strive to be positive at all times? Always smiling? Always in a good mood? That's extremely tiresome. Like we're constantly trying to pretend everything's alright in order to keep up appearances for the sake of others. Negativeness and anger are perfectly reasonable reactions to the wrongness of this world. It's not all b…

I think you've pointed to the primary reason that climate change is such an unapproachable problem for so many people and why we're failing in our responses to it. So many people have the attitude of "well, if you're just depressed about it, you won't be able to fix it anyway." And yes, there might be some truth to that, but I'd argue there's only a local minimum there before you realize how much of a driving force it can be to understand the sheer gravity of the problem. It's the exact same thing as self-actualization or "positive thinking". Like yes, negativity can lead to more negative outcomes but only in a metaphysical way.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#108

Post by steve_adams_86 »

matheusmoreira wrote: post #102

I don't think this is something that should be suppressed in the first place. Must people always strive to be positive at all times? Always smiling? Always in a good mood? That's extremely tiresome. Like we're constantly trying to pretend everything's alright in order to keep up appearances for the sake of others. Negativeness and anger are perfectly reasonable reactions to the wrongness of this world. It's not all b…

I suppose the balance is not allowing anger and negativity to guide our overall moods, perceptions, interactions, etc.

Anger is especially destructive in the short term. Negativity can absolutely drown a relationship in the longer term.

In both cases it seems useful to feel it and then let it go. It’s very real and relevant, I agree. Just not useful once it has been acknowledged.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#110

Post by xkgt »

seaknoll wrote: post #40

I'm not perfect about this but one experience in particular helped me. I was a new employee doing on-the-job training for an even newer employee, while we were trying to meet a deadline. We were the only two people working on this project, in the middle of rural NM, out of cell range, and having to improvise. He kept making suggestions and I kept explaining why they wouldn't work. Suddenly he point-blank asked me why…

I have the opposite problem. I always struggle with frequent interrupts wondering "what if I am wrong?" and I fail to move forward without utmost conviction.

Nowadays I try to tell myself that no one is perfect, especially me. Expecting oneself to be correct all time is actually egoistic even though the end result turns out to be being humble and having self-doubts. To fail or to be wrong is natural. My boss even encourages me to fail sometimes, to be comfortable with the possibility failure. I am not saying that I am doing these things by default now, but at least I make it a point to try.

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