Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

1. Baby sleep is not intuitive at all. Learn as much as you can before the baby comes. Read "Precious Little Sleep" by Alexis Dubief. Figure out how to get a baby to sleep without them being on you, even if you are patting and shushing them in your bed. Having a baby fall asleep on you constantly may cause massive problems after the first 4 months. You don't need to use "cry it out" if you get the basics of baby sleep right early.

2. Pick a reasonable amount of time (e.g. 6 months, 1 year) and say the baby and your family are a priority. For this period don't get too caught up in when life/work/friends/hobbies, etc will get back on track. Just say "I said X time, and right now baby and spouse are the priority."

3. Remember to forgive yourself and your spouse for the fights, bickering, and mistakes. At some point you will take a week to figure out something and feel you should have figured it out in a day. You will feel like a failure. Then something else will change and another week will go by and you will feel like a failure again. Just take a deep breath and keep trying. Kids don't come with a manual.

4. Some kids are easier. Some are harder. If you are doing your best, that's all you can do.

1. Don’t be over protective. It’s hard not to be. But you’ll need to remember that you’re their security blanket, not their parachute. You need to let them fall down, get ouchies, throw fits and make mistakes. You’re value is in being there to comfort when it hurts, not save them from the hurt itself.

2. Don’t go buying everything in the store. Wait till you REALLY know you need it. So many people get caught up in the “I NEED EVERYTHING AND HE/SHE DESERVES IT!” Mentality. Don’t do that. A couple exceptions: a good swing and a pack’n’play.

3. Buy diapers at Costco or Sams Club. Don’t fall for the brand name marketing, they just need to catch shit and it doesn’t have to be organic, grown from pure heavenly angel hair to do that. The best ones we’ve found are the Costco diapers.

4. Enjoy the little time. Everyone says it, so it’s almost cliche, but it really does go by in a flash. That little chubby hand gripping your finger will soon fade away to a little kid and eventually a grown person. It’s the hardest part of being a dad I deal with, you wake up and the little hand is gone... So, just slow down. It’s hard because people tend to have kids right as careers and life is taking off. Prioritize the kiddo time, even when you don’t feel like you can.

5. Talk to your kids even when they’re little. Don’t baby talk, but actually talk. It helps them develop and you’ll teach your little one to express themselves with words instead of uncontrollable emotion.

Lots more, but every journey is different. The above is the more ubiquitously applicable ones I can think of. :)

Buy

“Happiest baby on the block” book

And buy

“Sleepea”

It’s like magic to get your baby to fall asleep and stop crying in less than 60 seconds

You have a multitude of well-meaning friends with gobs of parenting advice.

Everyone knows what’s best.

But you have to figure out what works for you.

I would encourage two things: First, be consistent, but give your kids grace.

Second, keep in mind this is a marathon and not a sprint. Have a long-term mindset.

Read up what is normal for the age you baby currently is. It helps a lot accepting that it can be a difficult phase when you know what your baby might be going through.