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Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

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Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#101

Post by jancsika »

danesparza wrote: post #100
jancsika wrote: post #41

I don't think I have a solution if the setting is as broad as "technology" or even the narrower "careerist technology". I do have a solution if one is experiencing "imposter syndrome" in a particular domain: have a mentor. The mentor will help you measure the extent of your knowledge. If the mentor says, "That looks/sounds good to me," then you cast the research into the big scary world and sit with those "imposter"…

Also: Be a mentor to somebody else. Nothing gets rid of impostor syndrome like, "Hey -- I can help you with that!"

I'd only suggest doing that if the person has explicitly requested mentorship.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#104

Post by epicide »

timborden wrote: post #78

I found reading The Gifts of Imperfection ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4KQI11 ), by Brene Brown, really helped reframe "imposter syndrome" for me. “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug ar…

That quote is fantastic. Definitely gonna check out the whole book.

Another book that sounds similar is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S). I don't know exactly how it compares to The Gifts of Imperfection as I haven't read the latter. The former talks about how you aren't as special as you have been told and how that's not only perfectly okay, but really freeing.

You learn to forgive yourself once you get over yourself. Stop acting like you can be some perfect being and have a happy life if you just: earn lots of money, get that fancy car, get married, etc. They won't make you happy in and of themselves.

The same goes for your career, too. Some things are going to suck and that's okay. You can't fix everything and "you only have so many fucks to give". You have to constantly decide what to give a fuck about and stop giving a fuck about things you don't. That last part sounds redundant, but can be hard to actually do.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#106

Post by jjguy »

You do have a lot to learn. So do I. So do we all. The universe of things that get posted to HN are too large for one person to master - it's why I still visit.

Lots of good suggestions here, but one I don't see is to simply narrow your scope. Choose one thing, make it your own. Keep it small, and soon you will find you can converse with that niche's recognized experts. Iterate on that theme and you will constantly expand your scope - in a few years you'll look back and realize you know a lot of things.

Tech could stand to take a cue from other disciplines. To his peers, a physicist is not just a physicist - she's nuclear physicist with a focus in particles, or a biophysicist with a focus in computational molecular modeling. Tech has the same de facto specialization, we're just changing too fast for the taxonomy to stabilize and become vernacular.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#107

Post by dsmithatx »

Having been a unix admin, dev and now devops for 25+ years I'd say, Be calm and carry on. Always admit what you don't know, RTFM when in doubt, and never stop learning.

Everyone understands the vast amount of information we must learn and known one expects you to know it all. Don't interview for a job looking for an expert at something you know the basics about.

I think imposter syndrome comes feeling insecure about not fully understanding things. The only way you can be an imposter is to act like one. People will respect you for saying, I'm not sure, let me go look into that.

Our job isn't to know everything. It is to a be a badass at quickly figuring things out. Focus on learning how to quickly find answers and solve problems and not being a master at everything.

It has taking me decades of mastering everything to realize how much time I wasted. I hire people half my age now who can do as good of a job as I can. Some of them are afraid and can't seem to get things done. They feel in over their head and shut down.

Other people come in and they know a few things but, don't understand others. The are confident they can learn everything and don't freak out. They quickly become ninjas in many areas simply because they aren't afraid and not trying to fake it.

After interviewing well over 100 Devops recruits I can tell what type of person they are 90% of the time in interviews. I don't look for an expert at one thing. I look for people with some experience with some tech we use. People who can stay at a job more than 2 years and, people who have shown they can master a few complex systems.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#108

Post by fsagadhadffsh »

rb808 wrote: post #97
wallflower wrote: post #60

My personal opinion, like some of the others, is diversify out of tech. You can still work in tech, of course, and I suggest to stop putting all your hopes/desires/fears into the "tech" basket. Try investing in a non-tech project/venture like: woodworking, dancing, public speaking, rock climbing, organizing, run for office, volunteer, teach, coach sports, throw dinner parties, learn a spoken language, learn to draw,…

This has the added benefit that when you talk to normal people you will realize you really know a lot about tech compared to everyone else.

Thinking like this and, potentially because people with that mindset can't keep it to themselves, talking like this is the best way to become a loner who is hated by absolutely any sincere or loving person.

Yikes.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#109

Post by roughplace »

hyperbovine wrote: post #64
hajak wrote: post #2

I would say it never goes away. I have built companies, angel invested, ran M&A. Still, I always think I am clueless. I am starting to view it more as a power. "You cannot learn what you already think you know". Having imposter's syndrome means I always will fight harder to get better.

What's really scary is when you realize that almost nobody, no matter how successful, knows what they are doing. We're all just making it up as we go.

I would like to add to this, i got asked the question recently in context of the workplace 'When did you realise that in fact, outside of governmental, there are no rules?'

outside of your own moral and ethical values and the rules of Law we are free to do as we please, largely without consequence. By realising this you allow yourself to question the norm and start to understand how to change it

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#110

Post by kendallpark »

wallflower wrote: post #60

My personal opinion, like some of the others, is diversify out of tech. You can still work in tech, of course, and I suggest to stop putting all your hopes/desires/fears into the "tech" basket. Try investing in a non-tech project/venture like: woodworking, dancing, public speaking, rock climbing, organizing, run for office, volunteer, teach, coach sports, throw dinner parties, learn a spoken language, learn to draw,…

I second this. Trying to be the best at X will have serious diminishing returns. A lot of people stress out because they've put all their energy into one thing and yet they aren't the best at that one thing. Diversification is an easy way to add uniqueness to your skillset (and more importantly, enrich your life/gain perspective).

It helps to get used to being terrible at something at first. Every few years I pick up a different sport and there is that period where I am the worst person in the gym/on the team, etc. With practice, you simply get good at being bad at something, if that makes any sense.

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