Ask HN: How to not base self worth on your own work?

Second, I would suggest getting some different kinds of hobbies. Do a bunch of different kinds of things. One benefit of this is that if you know ahead of time you won't be good at them so it's easier to not hang your self worth on them. You'll also meet different kinds of people who aren't just CS people doing projects you can judge them on. Doing lots of different things also makes you a more interesting person.

Third, in terms of your programming; find more joy in the process and the trees instead of investing everything in the forest of The Project. If something turns out worse than you thought but you learned a lot, great.

This is crazy cool. People, technical and non-technical, generally love to hear these personal stories. They eat it up.

Working on things so they become popular isn't a good way to approach the process of working on projects. Working on things because you think it is cool IS.

If something you work on fails just know you have THAT much more knowledge about whatever you were doing than the next person now.

- Mentoring other people. Helping other people who are missing a skill that I have do something cool gives me that same kind of elation that I'd get from doing it myself. It doesn't necessarily take piles of time, but feeling useful is good for my feeling of self worth.

- Cooking/Working Out/Errands. It sounds silly, but getting a whole pile of stuff off of my to-do list, even if they're really easy, makes me really happy. Cooking is great because it's something I can do that people appreciate pretty much guaranteed, and which is a nice technical skill. Working out is great because I am both improving myself and learning new skills (for me, karate for the last 10+ years). Feeling like I'm making progress, clearing up loose ends, and doing things that are appreciated by others make me feel a higher sense of self worth.

In my estimation, the only way to break this cycle, to really exit this emotional roller-coaster that you are riding is to:

Let go of the results and focus on the quality of your effort.

For example, check yourself against this question:

"Am I giving 100% to the quality of my effort, in this moment?"

To elaborate: when you build your wall, are you focusing on the wall, or are you focusing on laying a single, individual brick, with the best quality, ability and focus that you can muster?

If you focus on the wall, then you are focusing on the end result. I recommend shifting your focus on laying each individual brick, which is a focus on effort, on process... a focus on execution.

2. "Basically I have pretty bad self esteem and I feel like I compensate for it by trying to do more and more projects."

Your self-worth should be based on your entire "package", if you will. It is complex, but it includes how you treat others, the light that you bring to the world, the light that you bring to your friendships and relationships, your helpfulness and respect toward your family, what you bring to your work... I'm fond of saying, "It's how you bring it." You want to be someone that "brings it." You want to be firing on all cylinders.

And so, this feeling of self-worth is tied to every single moment, not to results, which are ultimately ephemeral, and are only a small piece of the equation. Ultimately, results will fade, and may not always be what you expected anyway. But, if you focus on execution and process, you will be better-served to end the emotional roller-coaster of self-doubt, because you will know that you are bringing it, you will know that, "No matter what the results are, I delivered to the best of my ability. I strive to bring it in every moment, and I strive to better the process, and to serve and help those around me."

Judge yourself (and others) in this manner, and I think it will serve to change your life, to change your perspective.

Wishing you all the best.

sorry I just had to :)