Honest question: Why do you care and why does this bother you? Also, out of curiosity, how old are you?
Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
11–20 of 20 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#12Earlier quoted context omitted.
That sounds like it's said by someone who does not understand the feeling. There are over 7 billion people. By definition they cannot all "excel way beyond [their] peers". There's a certain philosophical impossibility to your advice that it's best for everyone to think outside the box and not follow the status quo. If everyone is trying to think outside the box, then that becomes the status quo. But to start with, wh…
You make some great points, I have also corrected Dreamworks to Pixar. Yes, there are over 7 billion people but everyone does not get the feeling of being average which is fine. I used to have this feeling but destroyed it a long time ago by challenging myself and working with others to get a more well rounded perspective on things. When I got this feeling it was due to not being challenged enough in life, or going t…
The problem is that the things you mentioned(car with cash, helping kids, community projects, etc) are average. And there is nothing wrong with it, I know. It is not about trying the best you can be, in fact most people self-improve themselves and they indeed live a fulfilling life, yet they are still average. I am not saying I can't become the next Ive or Gates(We all have dreams and aspirations. Just because something is highly unlikely it doesn't mean it can't happen), I am saying that realistically speaking I probably won't. And it is totally OK, yet I seem to have an issue with it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#13Let's say you make surgical instruments. Or software that controls surgical instruments. Or embedded software for radar detectors. Or vinyl yard signs. And let's say you're among the best, making what you make. You're so good that you've never met anyone better. You are provably, demonstrably among the best of the best. Whatever you make, there are physical, regulatory and economic limits on how good that thing can p…
Thank you. You can be average and still make a small dent in the world.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#14Doesn't matter how good you are. There are close to nine billion people, so you are nobody. There is always someone better, smarter, prettier, you name it. If you peg your self esteem on your relative status, you'll always feel like crap.
That is it. I am aware of that fact, I am absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. How do you deal with that?
Even if you're the absolutely best of the world, you are still nothing in the grand scheme of things.
A cute trick that I do: everytime I asked myself that question (which happened to be a lot), I tried to name the top 30 billionaires living in the world, the Nobel winners in the last 20 years, or the 2nd richest guy in Rocketfeller time. How about kings around the world a hundred years ago? I can't.
That's not to put down the greatness of those people. They're far better human than I could ever hope to be. But I think part of the existential crisis about being average is that we realized we're easily forgotten, and it helps to realize that even the great people will be forgotten too.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#15Doesn't matter how good you are. There are close to nine billion people, so you are nobody. There is always someone better, smarter, prettier, you name it. If you peg your self esteem on your relative status, you'll always feel like crap.
It's not nine billion, there's approximately 7.2 billion people in the world.
Sorry if it seems like a nitpick, but the number is off by the entire population of China and India...
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#16One of the best things I've ever read on HN: http://sivers.org/below-average
He put it beautifully. However, if you assume that people are smarter than you, that could lead to you listening to them more than you should, holding back in voicing concerns and sharing opinions that seem right and important to you.
Sans listening it is hard to accurately discern that someone isn't smarter or discover that they indeed are. Listening is also a path toward discovering new considerations for importance and rightness and what is important and right for others.
Not to claim that I do these things.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#17I'm not Gates, or Ive, or anyone famous.
I am the best, though.
I'm the best coworker. I'm the best friend. I'm the best mentor. I'm the best leader.
Plenty of people have told me so. Not newspapers, not random internet commenters. People who mattered to me told me to my face that I'm the best.
Gates, Ive, and whomever else you might think of aren't "the best". They're just well-known. I'm not famous. So what?
So, I have nothing to "deal with".
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#18Earlier quoted context omitted.
That is it. I am aware of that fact, I am absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. How do you deal with that?
Even if you're the absolutely best of the world, you are still nothing in the grand scheme of things. A cute trick that I do: everytime I asked myself that question (which happened to be a lot), I tried to name the top 30 billionaires living in the world, the Nobel winners in the last 20 years, or the 2nd richest guy in Rocketfeller time. How about kings around the world a hundred years ago? I can't. That's not to pu…
Astronauts describe an "overview effect" that involves among other things a tangible sense of ones smallness.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#19I think the question you're really asking is "How can I deal with not being the best at anything?"
How? Get a new perspective. No one can tell you with one will work for you. Try a few on for size. See how they fit.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with the fact of being average?
#20Earlier quoted context omitted.
That sounds like it's said by someone who does not understand the feeling. There are over 7 billion people. By definition they cannot all "excel way beyond [their] peers". There's a certain philosophical impossibility to your advice that it's best for everyone to think outside the box and not follow the status quo. If everyone is trying to think outside the box, then that becomes the status quo. But to start with, wh…
You make some great points, I have also corrected Dreamworks to Pixar. Yes, there are over 7 billion people but everyone does not get the feeling of being average which is fine. I used to have this feeling but destroyed it a long time ago by challenging myself and working with others to get a more well rounded perspective on things. When I got this feeling it was due to not being challenged enough in life, or going t…
I thought about what you wrote but still have difficulties in making the same connections.
You write "you become a leader in your field, company, group, etc." but that's not really thinking outside of the box, is it? There are those who create entirely new fields, without being a leader. Some of them aren't even known for their work until after death, so can be called 'leader' only in a way synonymous with 'pathfinder', and not at the top in some sort of hierarchical sense.
It also sounds like you define your life around your occupation. What happens if someone wants to be the best parent they can be? Or the best neighbor? What does it even mean to be the "top" in that field?
You write "due to not being challenged enough in life" and I look in disbelief - change jobs. Become a surgeon, or concert violist, or bush pilot, or any of thousands of challenging jobs that have nothing to do with what you do now. Why stick with the same field to find challenges? There's more than only vertical growth. Or learn new hobbies. There are many so-called 'skilled junkies' in the world, and I've not heard of anyone who has mastered everything. You mentioned 'well-rounded', so I assume that's what you are talking about as well, but skills acquisition doesn't need to be part of a competitive world-view. It can be for enjoyment only.
I even find odd your concept of worrying about giving up when it appears to get too hard. If the goal is breath-taking-ness then choose routes to maximize that. There's no need to manufacture and reach a specific unwavering goal for the side-effect of getting that breath taking feeling.
The classical models of conflict are "man against man", "man against nature", and "man against self." The competitiveness you talk about I think only refers to the first of these. I long ago decided to avoid those, and focus more on the latter two, so that I'm doing the things based on my own scale, and not always ranking myself against others.
As an example, in my 30s I started doing a lot of partner dances. I deliberately did not advance past a certain level. I found as I got better I was having less fun dancing with people locally. If I got much better still, I would only be able to enjoy dancing by going to regional dance events, and what I wanted from dancing was to be social with local people.
I don't think I was trying to be the top local dancer. I don't think I was trying to be the best of friends with people. I didn't organize dance events, etc. I was enjoying myself, enjoying being part of the scene, and learning new skills in the process. I don't see how that sort of continuous self-improvement is strongly connected to being a leader of any sort.