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Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

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Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#11

Post by loglinear »

beachstartup wrote: post #8

"Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has." -- Homer Simpson (seriously) i'm an entrepreneur too, with some modest success. my company makes single-digit millions/year in revenue, i take home a low six figure annual salary - i don't mention specific numbers because it changes all the time. it sounds like you need to figure out what you're actually envious of, a…

Thanks for the honest feedback! How does being honest with yourself prevent you from being envious or jealous though? In your case let's assume you were NOT making a six figure salary and you were making say $60K /yr and you had admitted to yourself (and others) that you wanted to make lots of money and then a friend of a friend who you aren't close to but familiar with (who you know also wants to make lots of money) starts something and starts making $1M/yr when just last week they were making $60K alongside you. How do you prevent yourself from being envious/ deal with being envious? It seems at best orthogonal to the issue of honesty and at worst seems like complete open honesty will make it even worse because people now expect you to be jealous (unlikely).

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#12

Post by cj »

How a company is really doing is often disconnected from the press. I know people in companies that appear to be doing fabulously on the outside, but internally are horrible places to work.

There's two sides to every story. A lot of startup news articles are written after the writer has a Skype call with a founder / exec, so you're only reading what the founders choose to reveal (ie. only the positive stuff).

> I also detest self promotion and so I have not announced the fundraise.

Don't think of it as self promotion. It's company promotion.

Announcing funding can be particularly helpful if you're hiring.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#13

Post by georgemcbay »

Someday (very soon, geologically speaking) you'll be dead and even if you're successful (personally and/or publicly) enough to be remembered past your death entropy will eventually win out.

On a long enough timeline nothing you ever do will actually matter.

So don't worry about it. Have fun. Do what makes you happy.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#14

Post by throwawayaway »

loglinear wrote: post #11
beachstartup wrote: post #8

"Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has." -- Homer Simpson (seriously) i'm an entrepreneur too, with some modest success. my company makes single-digit millions/year in revenue, i take home a low six figure annual salary - i don't mention specific numbers because it changes all the time. it sounds like you need to figure out what you're actually envious of, a…

Thanks for the honest feedback! How does being honest with yourself prevent you from being envious or jealous though? In your case let's assume you were NOT making a six figure salary and you were making say $60K /yr and you had admitted to yourself (and others) that you wanted to make lots of money and then a friend of a friend who you aren't close to but familiar with (who you know also wants to make lots of money)…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmx1jpqv3RA

Envy is a form of flattery, when I am envious of someone I tell them so! It seems to get it off my chest. Everyone I've ever said it to takes it as a compliment.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#15

Post by funkyy »

rewward wrote: post #6
loglinear wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you! Why do you think it gets worse with "success"? That seems counter-intuitive!

One, because "success" often comes with more responsibility and less choice. More people depend on you, in more ways, and you can't let them down if you want to keep your "success". You might find it annoying to unfollow your successful acquaintances, but imagine how it feels to be on the other end, with multiple investors threatening to pull funding and kill your company when your "social media presence" is waning -…

"comes with more responsibility and less choice"

As everything in life - YOU are the one limiting yourself. If you feel pressure from society to do or avoid some decisions, then you shouldn't be in that position in the first place. Only strongest successful people can remain their autonomy despite investors and fame.

Look what people from Uber do. Steve Jobs, E-harmony folks or even GoDaddy owner. We disagree with their decisions and even sometimes boycot their companies - but they often remain unwilling to change.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#16

Post by dlevine »

I don't think you can completely stop being jealous. Jealousy of other people who have things that you want (or think that you want) is totally normal. To try to deny that is to deny that you are human.

I have found personally that the best antidote to jealousy is to accept that I have it 100%, rather than trying to suppress those feelings. The problem is not actually having the feelings of jealousy, but in not being ok with having those feelings. Once I have acknowledged those feelings fully, I often notice that they quickly pass, and I can go back to focusing on whatever I was doing before the feelings came.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#17

Post by dlevine »

dlevine wrote: post #16

I don't think you can completely stop being jealous. Jealousy of other people who have things that you want (or think that you want) is totally normal. To try to deny that is to deny that you are human. I have found personally that the best antidote to jealousy is to accept that I have it 100%, rather than trying to suppress those feelings. The problem is not actually having the feelings of jealousy, but in not being…

And, to add on to this, when I think about it a bit more, I usually realize that I'm jealous not of the thing the person has, but of the feelings that I believe that thing will bring (happiness and fulfillment). And the truth is that perception is often wrong - success can bring unhappiness, while it is possible to be happy and fulfilled without conforming to anyone else's perception of "success."

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#19

Post by burger_moon »

cj wrote: post #12

How a company is really doing is often disconnected from the press. I know people in companies that appear to be doing fabulously on the outside, but internally are horrible places to work. There's two sides to every story. A lot of startup news articles are written after the writer has a Skype call with a founder / exec, so you're only reading what the founders choose to reveal (ie. only the positive stuff). > I als…

It's definitely a point I look at when applying to startups. If they aren't well funded then it leaves doubt that I may not have a job in a year after taking a position there. I tend to skip over startups who don't appear to have a good runway because there are so many companies hiring already who do post that information.

Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?

#20

Post by beachstartup »

loglinear wrote: post #11
beachstartup wrote: post #8

"Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has." -- Homer Simpson (seriously) i'm an entrepreneur too, with some modest success. my company makes single-digit millions/year in revenue, i take home a low six figure annual salary - i don't mention specific numbers because it changes all the time. it sounds like you need to figure out what you're actually envious of, a…

Thanks for the honest feedback! How does being honest with yourself prevent you from being envious or jealous though? In your case let's assume you were NOT making a six figure salary and you were making say $60K /yr and you had admitted to yourself (and others) that you wanted to make lots of money and then a friend of a friend who you aren't close to but familiar with (who you know also wants to make lots of money)…

first, i would recommend travelling to a poor or developing country and taking a hard look around for a good solid week or more.

second, be aware of your feelings and emotions, don't try to suppress them. analyze them and use them as motivation.

third, learn what you can from successful people, either directly or by observation.

finally, when you get older, you will realize all that other stuff you find so distracting now has literally absolutely no bearing on whether or not YOU will succeed at your goals, so there's only one thing you can do, and that's work on your own shit. once you come to this realization, a lot of the stupid crap floating around in your head will just sort of disappear.

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