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Ask HN: Marriage

news.ycombinator.com

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Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#11

Post by DanielBMarkham »

russell wrote: post #10

50% of all US marriages end in divorce. I would say it's partly the poor judgment of youth; mine wasn't so good. Maybe it has always been true, but now it is easier to get out. Romance is a pretty poor basis for a marriage. With mutual respect comes love and a more lasting relationship. Consider all the other qualities needed for success. Starting companies is a huge commitment and raising children is an unbelievable…

Romance is a pretty poor basis for a marriage.

This is such a true statement, yet everything you see on TV, movies, the web, etc. ignores it.

Marriage is a lot of work. Fun work and worthwhile, but sometimes the person you love, well, you just don't like that much right now. You have to work through problems. You just can't ignore them and hope they go away. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and a good partner can change your universe. But it is nothing like mass media has prepared you for.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#12

Post by charlesju »

I don't get why everyone pushes themselves so hard in a startup. I'm in a fairly profitable startup right now (my first one, never had a job), and I still have more time for my gf than she does for me.

If you have a good idea, solid team, you can execute on great ideas with 40-60 hrs a week. If you're spending more, you're not managing your resources properly.

I really appreciate my gf, she helps me relax and take my mind off of work, so that when I am working, I can be twice as productive.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#13

Post by TrevorJ »

From talking to a lot of married couples it seems as if marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of self-sacrifice. Perhaps the maturity of age has something to do with the successful marriages being those that where entered into later.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#14

Post by noodle »

frankly, i think its a commentary on marriage, not just entrepreneurial or techie marriages.

divorce rates are higher with younger couples. the younger, the higher.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#15

Post by gaius »

russell wrote: post #10

50% of all US marriages end in divorce. I would say it's partly the poor judgment of youth; mine wasn't so good. Maybe it has always been true, but now it is easier to get out. Romance is a pretty poor basis for a marriage. With mutual respect comes love and a more lasting relationship. Consider all the other qualities needed for success. Starting companies is a huge commitment and raising children is an unbelievable…

now it is easier to get out

Not as easy as you might think:

http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=610896

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#16

Post by krschultz »

My plan was to start a startup at 22 or 23 and cash out at 30 and then find that perfect woman and marry her then and not have to work much because I made my money and blah blah blah.

Guess what, I found the perfect girl a year before I started the startup life and she totally supports it. I'm not sure if I could have done what I do without leaning on her and vice versa.

It is about the right person, not the right time or order. You can't plan when or how you are going to meet the right person.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#17

Post by chollida1 »

I think the biggest problem is that both a marriage and a successful company require a lot of work. And when push comes to shove you sometimes have to let one suffer inorder to help the other.

The guys you mention above all fit into the work is their life mold where they throw themselves into what ever they were doing. This won't surprise anyone but that doesn't really endear yourself to your partner.

I know a very successful entrepreneur who has been married 4 times now. Each one of his wives couldn't stand coming second to work and I'll bet that each one went into the marriage thinking that this time it would be different, that they could change him.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#19

Post by josefresco »

brk wrote: post #3

startup first results in the issue of -- crap, gold diggers This statement is funny. You seem to think you will make money of your first startup :) For most people entering the startup world today... find a girl with a comfy couch that you can sleep on when you're broke. In all seriousness, you need to assess where you really think you want to end up. I got married fairly young. Started a couple of companies and have…

... or just fall in love.

(tip: you can't screen for it)

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