Help with out doing it for her. Ask her to teach it to you. You would be surprised how well people do at teaching something they "don't understand", and usually it provides that ah ha moment they need to get it. Also it will help point you in the direction of the bit she is missing. She needs to understand that she has to figure it out. Help should be a lever not a crutch. I have to agree with the others hand holding reduces creativity and originality.
Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
11–19 of 19 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#12Since she's your sister, I'm fairly sure you've known each other for a while!
How did you handle it in the past? This is almost certainly not new behavior.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#13I TAed the second programming class (EECS 280) at UMich for 5 semesters. The canonical reply to "is this code right?" or "my code doesn't work" is "how have you tested it?" or "how do you know it doesn't work?", to be sure that the students are not using the TA as an oracle for correctness. (This causes bad reviews from students, but that's the price of tough love.)
Applying to this situation, I would recommend stubbornly requiring your sister to produce "certificates" that she has tried the incremental steps on the way to the solution. "What are you covering in the course?" "Have you done the assigned reading?" "What did you try that didn't work?" "why didn't you try X?" etc.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#14stop helping her. i can guarantee she won't develop that inquisitive trait or break the endless cycle of seeking your help if you continue to help her when she can't easily find an answer to a problem.
When I was an intern, I would ask questions to a "mentor" at my company. One day, he looked at my problem and just smiled a little, and said: "It's non-trivial, but I'm sure you'll figure it out." I took the hint, went off and indeed figured it out.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#15Tell her to ask the professor or TA during office hours.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#16I TAed the second programming class (EECS 280) at UMich for 5 semesters. The canonical reply to "is this code right?" or "my code doesn't work" is "how have you tested it?" or "how do you know it doesn't work?", to be sure that the students are not using the TA as an oracle for correctness. (This causes bad reviews from students, but that's the price of tough love.) Applying to this situation, I would recommend stubb…
If only all teachers would like like you TAed, we'd have more kids who have learned how to troubleshoot instead of circle the right answer on a multiple choice
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#17I TAed the second programming class (EECS 280) at UMich for 5 semesters. The canonical reply to "is this code right?" or "my code doesn't work" is "how have you tested it?" or "how do you know it doesn't work?", to be sure that the students are not using the TA as an oracle for correctness. (This causes bad reviews from students, but that's the price of tough love.) Applying to this situation, I would recommend stubb…
If only all teachers would like like you TAed, we'd have more kids who have learned how to troubleshoot instead of circle the right answer on a multiple choice
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#18Tell her to ask the professor or TA during office hours.
I'm not sure why you were voted down, as that's exactly what she should be doing. Study groups are good too, and there are usually private tutors available for a price.
One of my regrets about college is not taking more advantage of office hours.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?
#19It sounds like she might have fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset_(book)
"Those with a fixed mindset believe their talents and abilities cannot be improved through any means. They feel that they are born with a certain amount of talent and typically do not wish to challenge their abilities due to the possibility of failure. Individuals with a fixed mindset frequently guard themselves against situations in which they feel they need to prove their personal worth. Challenges are frequently viewed negatively, instead of as an opportunity for personal growth."
"People that practice a growth mindset believe intelligence, talents, and abilities can be developed over time. They believe abilities, such as athleticism and mathematical capacity, can be improved through hard work and persistence. When presented with an obstacle, those practicing a growth mindset tend to rise to the challenge. Often, people of the growth mindset do not fear failure; instead, they view it as a chance to improve themselves."
"anyone can change their mindset at any age or at any stage in life. She also provides steps or ideas that the reader can follow to achieve the growth mindset."