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Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

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Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#11

Post by tacostakohashi »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #10
tacostakohashi wrote: post #8

If you're in the US, look into FMLA, or possibly even consult an employment attorney to put together a plan. If you are going to be in and out, not 100%, etc... you are better off erring on the side of taking medical leave, asking for accommodations as needed, rather than trying to "soldier on" and have any unavailability used against you or characterized as a performance issue. Aside from that, treat your new boss a…

I suspect they're not in the USA as they mentioned having socialized healthcare.

Yeah, fair enough. I think the same general principle applies though... figure out what the rules are around medical leave, and err on the side of taking medical leave and having the job protected rather than trying to push through it and having performance called into question.

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#12

Post by Balinares »

Union. Now.

The specifics depend on your country, but your union should have labor law attorneys who can tell you what to do to maximally discourage holding your diagnosis and its consequences against you. In most civilized countries, discrimination based on medical conditions, or even the appearance of it, can get an employer in uncomfortable waters.

Meanwhile, do shit that you love. Try new shit that you may end up loving too. Learn a new music instrument and suck at it with great joy. Go to a furry convention. Learn how to make pizza! Look, no one knows how long we've got, and the most anyone gets, goes by in an eyeblink anyway. But you can do more, or less living during that time, mostly regardless of how long it lasts, and all told I'd recommend doing more living because this is the one shot you get at it anyway.

I wish you as much luck with your tumor as I had with mine, and enduring joy every day no matter what.

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#13

Post by takinola »

The prospect of dying has an interesting way of focusing your mind on what's important. It is a terrible gift you have been given. It sucks to have to balance quotidian concerns at the same time as existential ones so give yourself grace for being in a position that requires you to handle all these things at once. My suggestion is to prioritize your health and getting better. Ten years from now, you may barely remember this job (or the new manager, tech, etc) but that only works if you pull through. It sounds like you are financially stable so use that fact to your advantage to make decisions that work best for you and your family.

Find a good support system. People that love you are going to be the most important thing for the next couple of months. Let them help you. Lean on them. It is fine to be weak. This is the time to let them give (time, money, encouragement, prayers, comfort, etc) to you.

Good luck! I wish you the best.

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#14

Post by Blackstrat »

I went through 11 takeovers in my career. I survived them all, some with promotions, until the very last one. It was within a couple of weeks of my severance that I was diagnosed with the Big C. That puts everything in perspective. Nothing really matters then except treating and beating the cancer. Focus on that. If in the process, this job doesn't work out, find a new one when you are in remission or cured. And decide what you want to do after that. I was nearing retirement anyway and decided I didn't need anymore of the corporate life. Not knowing your age, that may not be an option for you. What is an option for you is keep a positive attitude, eat right, exercise, and get treated. Yes, cancer is a serious kick in the pants, but you can't let it beat you down. If you do, it's far, far worse than it has to be. Yes, it's depressing. But, don't give into it. And remember that you aren't really alone. You'll likely sit in the waiting room before treatment with people that have a far worse prognosis. Certainly, I did. Which made me all the more determined to not give in to my darker thoughts. I'm five years cured, though life is irrevocably changed. It happens. Strive to be one of us.

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#15

Post by skyberrys »

Would it be possible to quit you job and fully focus on your health for the next year or two? You mentioned 'we' did the math. So it means you have some other people who are there for you during this tough time, and if you can't work because you can't focus because you might die in a year maybe stop trying to work? Could you return to your prior company in 1 year healthy and excited for the future, and then work will be easier because you won't have as much of a feeling of imminent demise pulling on you. Maybe take a relaxing do nothing vacation first.

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#18

Post by mrsvanwinkle »

Blackstrat wrote: post #14

I went through 11 takeovers in my career. I survived them all, some with promotions, until the very last one. It was within a couple of weeks of my severance that I was diagnosed with the Big C. That puts everything in perspective. Nothing really matters then except treating and beating the cancer. Focus on that. If in the process, this job doesn't work out, find a new one when you are in remission or cured. And deci…

Was hoping to find that good end in your story and found it, happy for you. I'm thankfully healthy but found myself in an adjacent circumstance as the child of a newly diagnosed dementia patient who forgot who I am. I was able to reintroduce myself and she has not forgotten again so far but she is at the point where she will believe anything without ground truth as basis. I find myself clamoring for time with her, pioritizing FaceTime calls with her over anything else, as each time I talk to her I can sense her drifting away. I don't mind her forgetting about me, which finally convinced the psychiatrist who said she didn't have a problem the previous year that yes she is in stage 5-6 dementia after all. She woke up once not knowing who she is, and that is something I can't have her forget. This is the closest I've experienced something like what you've survived through and what op is going through, something that puts Everything in perspective. So I'm thankful for threads like this on HN especially given this point in history where everything is happening all at once, which makes this Total Perspective Vortex (HHGG) thing all the more epiphanic (the TPV in HITCHHIKER'S was meant to destroy you by showing you the evident infinitude of your insignificance, but the reality of mortality just shows an indifferent universe being equally, coldly, largely ignored)

Re: Ask HN: Got cancer, a new job,new boss in less than a year What do I do now?

#19

Post by VirusNewbie »

My advice is to earnestly try your best without compromising your health or mental health, and then mercilessly advertise doing so.

What I mean by that is, try to peek at emails/chat when you can, and send a message. Let folks know when you're having a rough day but ALSO when you're going to power through and show up to a meeting.

Try to do a good job and go overboard on advertising you are working to make up the times you can't be around due to your medical treatments.

You want people to root for you, both for your health, and for your success at the company. Sometimes it doesn't take much for a boss to recognize "oh, they're trying to do a little extra".

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