Hit the gym a lot to find your inner peace. Both weightlifting and lots of zone2
Ask HN: How to be alone?
11–20 of 592 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#12Hey, saw this while looking under new and wanted to try and help. I think the answer is to be places. Life needs randomness and interactions and that doesn't happen at home. Try to be in "3rd places" - the gym / work in a shared working space / pick up a couple of hobbies (I say a couple as just one is risky if say it's sports based an you injure yourself - something you can do outdoors, something you can do indoors)…
Thank you. Unfortunately I live in a suburb, and not a very walking-friendly one either, so there aren't really any third spaces to go to. Maybe a silly question, but any suggestions on how to find hobbies?
Can you move to a city? This is what most people I know in this situation do. Though I had a great time getting a car and taking myself out for hikes, sauna / spa days, activities and parties in the east bay near SF. Great place for practicing being alone. I had to think about it like dating myself - where would I have taken a date for fun? Try a bunch of things and see what sticks and remember you can appreciate moments by yourself with this mindset and it's like 80% as good.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#13Hey, saw this while looking under new and wanted to try and help. I think the answer is to be places. Life needs randomness and interactions and that doesn't happen at home. Try to be in "3rd places" - the gym / work in a shared working space / pick up a couple of hobbies (I say a couple as just one is risky if say it's sports based an you injure yourself - something you can do outdoors, something you can do indoors)…
Thank you. Unfortunately I live in a suburb, and not a very walking-friendly one either, so there aren't really any third spaces to go to. Maybe a silly question, but any suggestions on how to find hobbies?
Hey, so, I live in a city but visit my parents in the suburbs once or twice a year and at it did take some work, but there are certainly third spaces. After trying a few, I found some very comfy cafes to work out of, I prefer it since my parents can be a bit distracting. Also one cafe I really like is in a 'town center' which does also have a gym. So while you may not be in a city, see if there might be any pockets of walkability you can park at and enjoy the day on your feet.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#14If you aren't already start working out daily and learn to make healthy meals. Not necessarily to help with loneliness, but to prevent having another problem that will only make the first worst.
If you can work from a coffee shop, if you can afford a coworking space, do it. Plus one if the new office/coffee shop is a bit far from your house.
Call your parents daily if you can.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#15Hey, saw this while looking under new and wanted to try and help. I think the answer is to be places. Life needs randomness and interactions and that doesn't happen at home. Try to be in "3rd places" - the gym / work in a shared working space / pick up a couple of hobbies (I say a couple as just one is risky if say it's sports based an you injure yourself - something you can do outdoors, something you can do indoors)…
Thank you. Unfortunately I live in a suburb, and not a very walking-friendly one either, so there aren't really any third spaces to go to. Maybe a silly question, but any suggestions on how to find hobbies?
I've tried a number of things over the years. Sailing, climbing, running, board game meet ups, drinking meetups, golf, crossfit, curling, probably some others I'm not thinking of. Just pick something and see if it sounds interesting to you and give it a go. My big advice is to avoid shelling out on gear. Rent or just get some beginner stuff. Most of these things didn't stick, but I'm a runner and a climber and oddly I've had some great platonic connections through crossfit as well.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#16Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thank you. Unfortunately I live in a suburb, and not a very walking-friendly one either, so there aren't really any third spaces to go to. Maybe a silly question, but any suggestions on how to find hobbies?
Can you move to a city? This is what most people I know in this situation do. Though I had a great time getting a car and taking myself out for hikes, sauna / spa days, activities and parties in the east bay near SF. Great place for practicing being alone. I had to think about it like dating myself - where would I have taken a date for fun? Try a bunch of things and see what sticks and remember you can appreciate mom…
+1 Moving to a city.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#17> There are the usual suggestions: […] But I'm finding it hard to actually do any of that.
There are some other suggestions and ideas here in the comments and your response also boils down to “thank you but that’s too hard”.
Sorry to say this but - it’s going to be hard. Did you want something easy? I don’t think it exists in this situation. Creating new routines and breaking out into something different from what you were used to for years, will take effort and resources. There’s no magic pill.
You can do this but it’ll take effort and discipline. Go for it!
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#18Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thank you. Unfortunately I live in a suburb, and not a very walking-friendly one either, so there aren't really any third spaces to go to. Maybe a silly question, but any suggestions on how to find hobbies?
Can you move to a city? This is what most people I know in this situation do. Though I had a great time getting a car and taking myself out for hikes, sauna / spa days, activities and parties in the east bay near SF. Great place for practicing being alone. I had to think about it like dating myself - where would I have taken a date for fun? Try a bunch of things and see what sticks and remember you can appreciate mom…
Ironically I find cities more isolating than the countryside. At least in the countryside you have the beauty of nature. In many modern cities, there is less and less social connection and community. Sometimes I suppose it is finding the right groups... And sometimes you have to take the initiative and create in person groups.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#191. This will be tough. That doesn't mean you are doing it wrong.
2. Growth is proportional to your willingness to be uncomfortable.
3. Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression.
4. You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change. One of those stages is sadness.
Again, that's okay. You will grow so much as you find new ways to socialize and to enjoy solitude. It will be painful, but that is normal. It is part if the process.
Also again, I'm sorry to hear life took an unexpected turn. I know how hard that can be.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#20Hit the gym a lot to find your inner peace. Both weightlifting and lots of zone2
Have to be careful with gyms. I injured my shoulder doing weights over twenty years ago and still have trouble with it.