11–20 of 101 posts
It won’t be long when you won’t rock them to sleep.
It won’t be long when they won’t ask you to play with them.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Eat when the baby eats. Do the dishes when the baby does dishes. More realistically: 1. If you're raising the baby with a spouse, communication is going to be wildly important. Be more explicit than you think you need to be about things - you're both going to be tired, and it's all too easy to make an uncharitable assumption. 2. One thing that worked for us, re: night-time, was shifts. My…
- Make time for your partner. Both to continue nurturing your relationship, give each other alone time, and keep communication open (and on a relaxed tone). I cannot stress this enough.
- Set routines early. Even before our kids slept through the night, we started routines. You don't have to go crazy. Bath-time at Xpm, reading by Xpm, sleep by Xpm. Does wonders as they age.
- Sounds silly, but understand every kid is different. You'd be surprised how much their personalities seem formed even as tiny babies. What works for one kid might not work for another, even though you figure out strategies. (Ex. reverse psychology really does work at 7y for some reason).
- No one gives you a blueprint. Don't beat yourself up. Accept now that your actions will have unintended consequences. My wife and I are very intentional about our parenting because of bad upbringings. When you screw up, acknowledged where it was and what you can do in the future, but give yourself some leeway. It's not like they give us rule-books for this stuff.
- Find a support ASAP. Most parents I know have almost no support, and it shows. If your parents or grandparents or other family are there, speak up when you need help. Someone doing your dishes or giving you a night off is big. But cars will break down, you'll wonder how you're going to juggle everything. Find people you can trust.
- Read early and read often. Self-explanatory. Our kids are insane readers because we read to them constantly from the beginning. Whenever they wanted.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Eat when the baby eats. Do the dishes when the baby does dishes. More realistically: 1. If you're raising the baby with a spouse, communication is going to be wildly important. Be more explicit than you think you need to be about things - you're both going to be tired, and it's all too easy to make an uncharitable assumption. 2. One thing that worked for us, re: night-time, was shifts. My…
- You want them to find something that they enjoy a lot as they grow.
- Giving them something they are responsible for is unbelievably important. I have seen that lack of responsibility can lead to anxiety and much worse.
- Every age has it's challenges and benefits. I have fond memories for when the kids were young but don't think I could handle it at my age. Teenage years involved a lot of serious issues.
Read and sing to your kid - even if you are an awful singer. I read and sang lullabys to both my kids from when they were weeks old. THey didn't understand, but the memory is worth it, and I continued to so nightly until they were 7 or 8...or until they repeatedly said "Daaaaad! I'm too old for lullabys and bedtime stories." Then just read one more :)
Spend ALL the time with your kid - the time FLIES and one day you'll look at your 14 year as he mouths off to you and wonder how just moments ago you were cuddling with him as you were trying to put him to sleep in his crib.
I'm a night owl, so i never suffered from 'sleepless' nights like so many people complain about. Once my son's could take formula (ie when my wife wasn't necessary for the feeding), those were my favorite times: my wife could stay asleep and I could just grab a bottle and sit up every few hours through the night and feed them. Just me and either of my kids. Cherish those moments.
It is no exaggeration when a parent or grandparent tells you "Enjoy this moment because they fly by and before you know it they are grown." 15 years from now you'll wish for the sleepless nights when you were holding your baby trying to soothe them back to sleep.
"Lead by example" - You try to teach your kids the things they should know and to be better than you. Sometimes that means doing things better than you did (ie teaching them from mistakes or bad habits you might have), but kids are perceptive and will "learn it by WATCHING you". "Do as I say, not as I do" is less effective than leading by example. BE the man you want your son to be or your daughter to end up with. It's very difficult to backtrack on this when you realize you've been the wrong example.
Around 10 or 11, they will stop needing you as much or seeing you as their only hero. Take full advantage of the years before this to be the hero you want them to have and remember.
Teenage boys will rebel against their father and test boundaries. If you've set god boundaries and led by good examples and taught them good fundamentals, they'll circle back once they realize who they are and that you have always loved them - even during the arguments.
Be careful with criticism - even when trying to be helpful and constructive. They have a funny way of remembering constructive criticism as "negativity" :)
Overflow with praise for them - when deserved. Reign it in - but give it - when it's less so. They'll know that when you say something, you mean it.
When they're older sometimes you have to be "the bad guy" to help them learn right from wrong. Stand your ground if you know you are right, but always let them know you love them and are willing to talk about whatever dilemma they are going through.
End of the day: Love them the best that you can and tell them that every single day.
More importantly, enjoy the early days because the rate of change will never be this high again. The first week is special. The first month is special. Form as many memories as you can. The 8th year and the 9th year are mostly the same. Time will take those early days from you, you can't stop it. Complacency will take the later years from you, but you can stop that one, mostly.